I'm feeling so resentful towards my 22 year old daughter i can't even stand to talk to her or be near her.

I married my husband when she was 5 and he raised her as his own and she calls him dad. They weren't always close but since she became an adult, they have grown closer.

My husband is calling her 10 or more times a day, using her for a sounding board, asking her for advice etc. It seems almost as if she thinks it's a game of some sort and she is enjoying her position in the middle of this.

She just stopped here on her way home from work. She never asked how I was doing or how her sister was doing, but right away she said "i talked to Dad again and he told John and Jane so they know now". I started crying and she sighed loudly and said I'm going home call you later.

I have told her not to get in the middle of this and that by letting him use her to talk to, it appears she is condoning what he is doing. She ignores me. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to even talk to her because she can not quit telling me what "Dad is doing". I don't know how to handle this.

Tell her the truth and ask her to stop. Tell her how it hurts you and makes you feel. Make a bargain.
No expert here, but might work.

Imsolost,

I know exactlly how you feel. My 19 yrs old DD is the same way.

She says she does not approve of what he is doing but yet she talks to him numerous times a day. Tells him everything that goes on here and basically kisses his a$$ and the OW'S as well.

She then wants to tell me all he says or does. I don't want to hear it. I have tried explaining to her that how she acts and speaks to him makes him think she is condoning this affair. Her excuse is well mom if I don't talk to him or be nice to OW he will get mad and noy talk to me anymore.

She fears loosing him so much that she accepts anything he says and does. So I finally just gave up with her, she is going to do what she wants. One thing I am sure of though is one day it will hit her square between the eyes that he is usung her as much as she is him to find out information and to keep him involved in my life by knowing everything.

So now I don't tell her anything or even speak about her dad to her anymore. When she comes to me with his crap I just don't listen anymore. I tell her I don't want to hear it. One day she will see who has been here for her and didn't walk away. Of this I am sure.

Try not to let it eat at you, I know I did for a long time. I couldn't figure out why she acted this way. But I finally realized it was insecurity on her part, fear of loosing her dad. Try and let it go ignor it and she will finally realize you don't want to hear it anymore. Don't tell her things you don't want him to know because I can promise you he knows everytime you cry or rant if she knows about it... Its all about control and they the WS'S use every piece of info they get to control you. The kids are a great sourse of info for them no matter the age.

Ok I have rambled enough... I hope you understand all I said......


Hurting

thanks justempty. I have tried to tell her flat out, how I feel. she just gleefully flits in and pours out the garbage. she won't hear me.

hurtinginokla thanks for your perspective. I thought I was the only one dealing with this. it's almost as if she enjoys her "importance". I'll try to ignore her.

it scares ne that she's getting married soon and she thinks this is all normal.

I hate to say this but she does enjoy her "Importance" in this mess. At least mine does anyway. Sometimes it makes me feel like she is thriving on this drama.

In a way she reminds my of WH , it's like they get a high from it. I have noticed if a few days go by without anything being said about him or the situation she will in some way find something to say to him to get him going again, so she can try and relay it to me.... This has happened many times. it takes the focus off her and what she is doing in her life she does not want me to know about...

its not easy thats for sure but its doable if you can just ignor it.... Easier said than done but you can do it....

Just tell her you don't want to know how many times she talks to her dad and what is spoken about. If she insists on talking about it walk away. yeah she may get mad but after few times of this she will get the hint.

Take care of you and try not to worry.......


Hurting