The main thread I started is "Help Please Im Running out of Time"
I'll try to give you a quick summary as I know that thread is pretty long....
I suspect that not only is my H having an A but that my IL's know about it and support my H's choices. The OW now works at my H's company which he is the VP and mt FIL is the Pres. and MIL works there too. Since hiring OW this is what has become of my life:
H started rushing out of the house in the am to go to office.
H would be very short and hang up quickly when I call the office.
H started to come home later and later.
H started to want to have a night out with his friends.
H started having more and more Business Meetings - breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
H chooses to spend his only day off taking OW to shop for cars despite me asking for him to spend day with kids and I.
H explains he cannot have SF with me.
H starts wearing layers of clothes to sleep in.
H decided to start going back to the gym again, he gets to the gym 3 hours before he goes to the office. Then when he gets home at night he spends an hour or so before bed exercising.
H has started dieting.
H is very insistant about his appearance all of the time, except when he is just going to be with me and the kids then he is less concerned.
H will not allow me to ask questions regarding his whereabouts.
H will not allow me to come to his office under any circumstances.
H barely shows my affection on any level. I feel lucky if he brushes against me when we pass by each other. Occasionally I do get a hug, or a kiss on the forehead.
H one night had a meltdown which did include him asking for SF and kissing me, and saying "even if only its just this one last time".
H says I love you but I dont know that I can be with you anymore.
H and I started going to MC, and after 4th session H started seeing IC.
H says he loves me so much, tells me how much he wishes our lives were the way they were before my depression episode a year ago.
H says my depression epsiode is the same as if i had an A and that it is a crutch for the way I truley feel about him.
H is completely unresponsive to me, and to my attempts at meeting his EN and repairing our marriage from the damage I had done to it during my depression.
H blames me for everything happening right now.
H says I have been a detriment to our marriage and his happiness.
H says I am focusing on the wrong things, that he is not having an A.
H says OW is a good friend, he thinks she is a great person, he compares her to me, and says if he was single he would want to be with her, says that he is attracted to her.
H says he is going one place but then goes another.
H calls OW from cell phone all the time any chance he gets.
(I used to be able to check cell and receipts, but after I had caught him doing this stuff a few times and asked him about it, he became really irate (i had found MB a little after this) he locks his cell phone and is careful to throw away all of his receipts, and stopped using our debit card for his purchases, uses the company credit card for all of his purchases, or started taking cash out of our account.)
(Im sure im forgetting lots there)
I contacted our rabbi who said let me find you someone more neutral that can be of better help to you, she never called me back.
I have found multiple emails, briefly...
from H to OW "You made my day today, thank you so much for being who you are. I cant believe I never thought of child custody that way, I often miss the obvious <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> in so glad you are here."
from OW to H "Your welcome and thank you for making my everyday"
from OW to H "Thanks for such a great night. The more and more I am with you I am reassured about the way I feel for you! Thank you for being you."
there are several more emails from OW best friend who happens to be H's ex-girlfriend, she is a realtor...
from realtor to OW - many house listings, she forwards to my H.
from realtor to H - CMA on my house.
from Realtor to H and OW - house listings.
from Realtor to H and MIL - house listings. "Let me know if you and your mom want to go back to see these again"
from Realtor to H - (paraphrasing)"I know you are upset and confused about what is going on right now, and I know you are having some trouble at home. I am here for you if you need me ....... Here is a book I have read on divorce that you might like"
From Realtor to OW then forwarded to H "Baby, Look at this one, the first one is great." (another house listing).
Lat friday I confronted H, he denied everything, and was angry that I would even suggest such a thing and insist that I focus to much attention to being suspicious about his behavior and should focus on my self and the things that he has said are the problems (mainly me selling this house we live in and buying a small condo/TH)
On Saturday I exposed to IL's - talked to them for 3 hours almost. Offered no support, offered no compassion, no sympathy. MIL said "what if he tells me that he loves her, not saying that he did, but what if, what am I supposed to do then." FIL says "I have been keeping an eye on things, Im not blind, I have seen things, and I dont think it is going to be a happy ending" FIL says "divorce is not good for the kids, I am really worried about the kids." (I have talked to MIL about my concerns on 2 other occasions prior to the exposure, nothing was ever done as far as I know, except that MIL and FIL talked to H.
I asked MIL and FIL to do some reseearch of their own about A's and then talk to H about what I have said to them. 30 min after I left their house they called H and asked him to go to their house. H came home that night in a good mood. And said he didnt mind that I talked to them, and understood that this is what I felt I needed to do. He said he and his parents had a chuckle about my "Dr. Phil read it out of a book attitude" He said to tell him who I wanted to expose to and he would give me their phone #'s. He also said that he and his father do not want me to contact any of the employees at their company, becuase they do not want me to cause problems at the business that feeds all of our families.
My H stopped wearing his wedding ring, he says he doesnt feel like my H anymore. Doesnt feel like my friend, lover, anything. Doesnt feel like this is his house and that he doesnt like coming here at all.
I cried to my H Monday night, pouring out to him the way I feel for him, and apologizing to him for the way he feels I have been. He said nothing. I asked if he had anything to say, he said I am a wonderful person that he has always thought so. He said that he wants me to know that no matter what happens he thinks there is no reason we cannot always be friends. He said he knows that sounds like he has decided something, but in fact he hasnt decided anything. He says he is confused.
BTW - I am 9 months pregnant. H asks me if I will "get better" once the baby comes. H is very excited about the baby coming, and hopes that it will help him see me and our marriage in a good way again. H hope that the birth will help our marriage. H hopes that birth will help me to stop being such a "crazy" person and be the loving wonderful person he knows I am. H also says that if I wasnt pregnant he would have probably left already.
Ok I think thats enough for now, and Im sure there is much that I have forgotten. I can fill in any blanks later.
Desparate for any sign of hope. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
