After many relationship troubles in my life I met my husband-clean cut, conservative, and opinionated- I thought he was a safe place to fall when I told him I had been hurt before he(and his family)told me that his ex had cheated on him, and all he ever wanted was a family and wife. We had a rocky start when I became pregnant with my first child, he hurt me when he asked me if I would consider abortion.
He asked me to marry him and I waited 3 months to decide whether I wanted to be married and have a child. When I would not he asked my mother why I wouldn’t and she said, “maybe you should get her a ring?” This should have been my first clue to what was to come. The second was when his parents were to meet mine at a restaurant with Tom and I , Tom’s parents were visably angry with him and I didn’t have a clue why he later told me they caught him at the office with an ex girlfriend working together.
Other than these 2 clues I didn’t see much evidence of him being unfaithful or dishonest for 12 years. Yes- he worked late nights (sometimes till 3:00 a.m.) but I believed him when I challenged him about it, because his job was for an important company.
To make things worse our first born son was born with a disability. I tried to make the best of a bad situation and decided when our second child was born that I would concentrate what was right. Tom was a good father over the years and acted like a good husband with me in public. At home he would say he loved me and hug and give me “grandma kisses”. Tom was rarely intimate with me which was confusing to me because not only had I caught him watching porn, but I was not at all frigid and had men hitting on me- I’m not ugly or fat. Over the twelve years of marriage I exercised, always feeling that I was not skinny enough or good looking enough in his eyes.
4 years ago while I had worked on the computer on homework (I went back to school worried that I was not intellectually interesting to Tom.) I found a message on our computer that said black guy with asian preteen ****** sex etc.
My stomach cramped and I called a friend to see what this was. Tom told me he didn’t know what this was either. Later we found more and it was no mistake or pop up. To try to make this story go a little faster I found out from him that he had “relationships” with a 50 year old Asian woman that he screwed around with in his previous marriage, a 200 pound woman, (who after I spoke with her she said she would pray for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) A few online calls and chats, and that he frequently fantasized about these other women by having sex with me- And he had visited several local porn shops regularly masturbating! YAHOO!
It has been ******. He went through a religious period where he read me the bible. That has kind of fizzled. (He knows I am somewhat religious) Our sex life got better temporarily. We went to 3 counselors over the years, so counseling is out.
Now things are back to square 1. It had been 2 weeks with no sex and I caught him masturbating in the bathroom. I am so disgusted and he went and got Viagra. He rarely even gets it out. I have 2 children that are now teens. As I said before my son is disabled . My daughter heard us fight years ago and knows much of what went on. For a couple of years she blamed me saying I shouldn’t fight with dad he might leave. She had a hard time over this also. I am a SAHM, I have no degree and I feel trapped. I started a business (nothing hugely profitable) and I want my daughter to go to a descent college and have a better life than me. So I feel completely trapped and miserable. Not to mention like a unik (sp). Any advice would be appreciated.
