I'm married x 9 years. Separated x almost 2 years due to signficant stepchild issues, verbal abuse, being taken advantage of, etc.

I have a horrible habit of lying to my H about big and small things. This started prior to M when I lied about my past. We worked past that but he is so judgemental. He seems to be able to keep a mental catalog of every word I have ever uttered and then when we are talking/arguing he will tell me that I never told him such and such or I said this but now I'm saying that.

We are on the verge of divorce. I'm really trying to do what I can to repair damage done. He is in R w/OW; just starting and don't know if it's EA or PA but that distraction is making everything worse. I can't say or do anything right.

I feel so hopeless right now. If I could just make him understand that I want to be honest w/him above all else but I fear his reactions to anything I tell him that I lie to avoid conflict.

I don't know how to make him listen to me. We just had 20 minute conversation about a simple comment made last night and now he feels that I told a lie and when I say I can't remember something he says that's just my way of covering up.

Any advice?