My mother-in-law called me last night. I was very surprised but glad she called. She said she's worried about me and the kids and sorry for the way her son is being. She said she had no idea what he was doing. I told her that I knew and proceeded to give her all the information that I have. She is heart broken over it. She said that she loves me and my daughters and doesn't want to lose us from her life. His father is also quite upset about this. Nothing like what he told my daughter, he said they are ok with it.

I wonder too, do any of you feel like others read you as "normal" when you are really falling to pieces? When I re-read my posts, they look so matter of fact but in reality, I am a basket case.

Thanks for our exposure advice WAT. I also e-mailed my hubby's supervisor

Good girl.

Consider getting a copy of Surviving An Affair for your in-laws.

Consider yourself very fortunate to have their understanding. The reason for getting them a copy of SAA is to cultivate their current level of attachment to you. - to see you as working to save the family and how you're going about it. In time, without them getting better educated on this disease, they may gravitate to supporting your H. There are no guarantees here with the blood ties.

Continuing exposing in expanding concentric circles.

What did you comunicate to his supervisor?

WAT

Good for you, Lost. Nothing changes unless you do something about it and you've taken up a powerful tool that can break up the affair. Do you have assurance your husband's supervisor will get your email up the "chain of command" to the senior managers? If not, consider a letter to the Human Resources manager? Hang in there. Our thoughts are with you.

sorry, I was very upset last night and couldn't respond.

His supervisor is part of corporate and she knows me. I have her direct e-mail and I told her exactly what I knew from start to finish. She approaced him on it last night. He told my oldest daughter and he is livid. There will be an in-house investigation and he may be terminated. He is blaming me but, strangely enough, I don't feel any guilt. He knew policy when he made his choices.

I am currently working on a plan B letter and I will give his parents a copy of SAA. I know it really helped me. Thanks for your support.

You rock.

>He is blaming me but, strangely enough, I don't feel any guilt.

GOOD!

>He knew policy when he made his choices.

Exactamundo! He's a grown up....he made choices as a grown up....if they were bad choices who's fault is it really?

I'm proud of you.

- Kimmy

Good job, Iam! Have you done a good enough Plan A to go into Plan B? Is there a reason why you are going into Plan B now?

Thanks Dealan-de. I feel like I did the right thing thanks to WAT.

MelodyLane I Plan A'ed my butt off since November and he couldn't care less. The reason I am going to Plan B is because hubby is a brickhead and he just doesn't get it. He won't even admit to the affair even with pictures I have and an investigators report.

IAM, gotcha! Have you read up on Plan B and feel like you fully understand it?

Let me tell you sumpin' young lady.

YOU ARE NOT LOST!!!

Dern good shootin'.

You've seen a bit of what to expect, but ready for more > you are now the scourge of the earth. Public enemy #1. You're probably responsible for world hunger and global warming.

Revel in it!!

practical question, I can't remember your sitch > are you already separated? Got financial, legal stuff arranged? Can't Plan B under the same roof.

WAT

He left on Sunday. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow morning. I am reviewing Plan B as we type.

Yeah I know I'm headed for witch of the year but that's ok because I already feel like a house landed on me

It's a good sign you can keep a sense of humor. Very good.

Yes, get all the ducks lined up legally before going to Plan B.

Who has control of the money? (Have I asked you this already?)

If you have joint accounts, secure 1/2 of all liquid assets immediately. Consider cancelling jointly held credit cards.

This is war, do not trust your H to treat you as anything other than an enemy.

WAT

Thanks WAT. He has control of everything. I don't work, can't work because of a disability (several actually). I do have my own checking account and I am taking money from our joint account. I think Pepperband advised that. I forgot about joint credit cards. I will do that too. Thanks

You know what's totally demented about this ~ while reading and typing here, I am on another page looking at wedding invitations for my daughter. BLAH!

I wonder how hubby will react when daughter informs dad that he's most likely NOT invited to her wedding...considering that the whole point is the gathering and supporting and celebration of those called to UPHOLD and HONOR the marital vows that the bride and bridegroom are taking...

and the seriousness of needing and surrounding oneself ONLY with those that believe in such a thing as fidelity and forsaking all others....

not much point in inviting an infidel to the wedding is there...??

ARK

Thanks ark but my daughter seems to think what he's doing is "okay" as long as he's happy.

Last night I was completely out of control. I yelled at her and I yelled at him and although it's a love buster, at that point I didn't care.

My car broke down yesterday so my younger daughter and I were stuck here. Hubby and older daughter and her fiancee went to a bar together to watch the super bowl. No one called to see if we needed anything, no one cared. Hubby hasn't seen younger daughter since he left a week ago and he was off yesterday but I guess it was more important to hang out in a bar watching a football game than to worry about seeing her. They both suck.

Ark, Step back and look at this from the daughter's perspective. She loves both parents, regardless of what her Dad has done. She should not be asked to choose between the two of them especially on such a special day. I'm not saying I could do what I am suggesting, but Lost will have to do it for her daughter or her daughter will always view her mom as ruining her special day. I know that is not fair, but our kids are probably not really concerned about fair.
Lost, try not to take your daughter's feelings personally. She is not rejecting you. She may be trying her best to stay neutral so that she doesn't feel she is losing her parents. Remember, you are both her parents regardless of your marital status.

God bless!

I understand your point RLD but I feel like she is condoning what he is doing. I mean this is so fresh for me still, he has been gone only a week.

Tonight he told me he wants US, as in him and I, to host an engagement party in 2 weeks. I know I can't deal with that. It's too soon. I can't even imagine how I would feel. When I told him that he said "you can suck it up and do it for your daughter". I told him I can not.

I know how Jennifer Aniston felt now because like she said, this man is most definitely missing a sensitivity chip.

Lost, I can't even imagine the horror of your position, but I do have a little experience with that. My sister married a man with divorced parents. The Dad married the OW the morning after the D was final. At my sister's wedding, it was purely awful for everyone because my BILs unmarried Mom was so bitter. I felt terrible for her, because she did not create the situation, but she had to finally just ignore the OW for her son.

If I were in your position, I would hope that I could just hold my head up and entertain for my daughter just like she deserves without allowing the OW to control me - even if the daughter is being unsupportive. In time, she will see what a huge sacrifice you made on her behalf. Even if she doesn't, imagine the strength you will be exhibiting to the H and the OW. What a woman of steel!!!!! I would buy a knockout outfit and make him weep at what he was leaving! Don't let your husband or OW steal your joy for your child!

Again, I stress that I am NOT in any way belittling your pain. I can't even imagine it, but I am just trying to think of the best way to be the Mom your daughter needs at this special time. Best wishes and God bless.

Thank you RLD. I know you mean no harm and I don't take it that way.

I have no problem having a party to celebrate with my daughter I just can't imagine making it through it with no tears and I sure don't want to break down in front of everyone. I wish I were stronger but all this loss in three short months is breaking me.

I so badly want to say to my husband,"what would you do if daughter's fiancee did this to her?"

Well, what a mess. I would NOT host an engagement party for your daughter while this is all going on. Just let her know that you are not up to it. As far as your husband, tell him to forget it. There is really no way to explain it to him because he is deep in the fog.

Your daughter is not handling this well, to say the least. She is probably trying to appease your husband by pretending like things are fine.

I think I would take a little time to heal a bit and then have a heart to heart with her. I went through something similar with my boys. We used to be one big happy family - WH has 4 kids, I have 2, and he has 2 step kids.

After D-day, I was suddenly OUT of all family parties and gatherings, and OW was IN. My sons continued going to them. It was extremely hurtful to me, and I let them know that I found it very disrespectful.

Folks here gave me a lot of flack, saying that they should be able to stay close to their step-siblings. I felt like that was true, but it was not okay when OW was present, as WH is still my husband.

Anyway, that has tapered off completely. After I calmly told my sons how I feel, they quit going. They still do things with their siblings, but don't do things that involve the OW.