Let me start off by saying that I have been reading these boards for several months. They have been very helpful to me and my sit. Thank you all for sharing your stories of heartbreak in order to help others.

I am not going to get into much detail out of fear of my W discovering I am making our problems public. If I am too general, I will try and correct it. Just bear with me because I really don;t want to do anything that can possibly damage what I have left of my marriage.

My story is this:
I met my wife when she came to a company that I had been working for for a year. She was part of a new Mgmt. team brought in. At the time, I was young (23) and dating another co-worker.

When I first met her, I didn't like her. She seemed snobbish to me and I felt she was acting like she was too good for me. She didn't like me either. I was immuture and too full of myself.

I really became attracted to her over the next couple of months. She became captivating to me and I found myself thinking about her all the time. She resisted me many, many times. I kept after her though (in a good way) and was finally able to get her to agree to "see" me.

We started out talking as friends. She knew I had a g/f and I don't think W was looking for love from me. W and I would talk for hours about everything. I would go out with g/f, drop g/f off at her house and run over to W house and spend hours talking to W. Sometimes until 5 am. I loved those talks and not even being ill stopped me for going to her house. I really began to fall for her and she was falling for me.

I eventually told W that I had stopped seeing g/f. This was after several months of sneaking around behind g/f back and seeing W. W asked me to end relationship with g/f and I told W I did. I lied. I didn't and eventually W discovered. She was crushed and refused to see me.

Pursued W for a while after ending (actually g/f found out about W and ended it) it and managed to get W to start dating me again. It was great, for a while.

In the beginning of this R, I did some pretty immuture things and made some really bad decesions. I didn;t go out and cheat or anything, I just lied about alot of things to my W and wasn't complely open with her about how I felt. Looking back, I feel I was just scared of how strong I felt about W and somehow, I think I knew that I was going to marry her.

After about a year, I moved in with her. It was a forced thing because I had made a bad decesion and ended up with no where to go. Again, it was scary and I didn't deal with it well.

When I say here. "I didn't deal with it", I don;t mean I went out and cheated. I just cut my W off from my feelings and shut her down. I never cheated on her.

Eventually we moved again and she said she wanted to get married. Again, I freaked out. Jeez, I told her, "yeah. we can get amrried if thats what you want to do". ****** of a proposel, huh?

We started out with nothing. But, we worked our butts off and eventually moved to another town to accomodate my new job (which I told her I wouldn't take and then back out after we were married and took the job. Still hold the job today!).

While in new town, she informed me that she wanted to have another baby. She had DD from previous marriage. Again, I reacted like a child and balked. I didn;t think I had my life together enough for it. I told her a bunch of bull.

Let me say here that W prrevious M was to a alcholic. He would yell, scream, hit her a few times and come home drunk alot. He also called her some pretty nasty names of a regular basis. All the while they had a little baby.

She left previous H before I was in picture. When I started dating her, he was still muniplating her and causing her a lot of anger. The D was final about 4 years before I met her. EXH of hers left her with daughter and not much else. Never helped her with bills, or even was part of DD life for her first 3 years.

BTTP, W and I lived in apt. for a year and she announced she was preg. I was beside myself. I felt happy and scared. I didn't treat her well during the preg. I didn't call her names or make fun of her. I just wasn't the absolute I could be to her during this emotional time.

As she got bigger, I becames further and further away emotionally.

Before DS born, we bought a little house together in same town.

DS was born. W and I started having problems right away. I wouldn't get up with DS in the middle of night. I didn't help her with stuff around house. I left everything to her and she also worked full time.

We bought the house with the idea of her quiting her job and going back to school to start a new career. It was a dream of hers. When DS was about 3, we deceided for her to quit working and for her to go pursue her dream. I was all for it. She supported me when I was getting my career together, so I wanted to support her in hers.

Whaen she quit, it meant that I had to work alot of overtime. I didn't mind though as I felt that I was finally able to give back and do something for a change.

During school, W had very, very workload. She tried to tell me about it, but I wouldn't listen. Finally discoved just how bad near the end of her second year.

I was working alot and felt like I was being appreciated. She was physically and emotionlly exhausted and felt like I wasn't helping her at all.

For 2 years the resentment built up in us both. She felt like she was the maid and I felt like I was just the income.

It was during this time I began a EA with a co-worker. We would meet for lunch, talk on the phone, e-mail back and forth. I would call her at work when my W left and we would talk for 2 hours. We never talked about leaving our S (she was married and her H knew all about me) for each other. We never touched or went out on ant dates. We jus became friends. She was filling my EN's that my W wasn't.

W discoved e-mails on computer. Comforted me and exploded. W and I were already in MC and I had never mentioned to her any of this. She tried to kick me out, but I wouldn't go and I begged her to hang on. I had pretty much backed away from co-worker because I began to feel the R was interfereing with my M before my W found out about it. The e-mail W found was EA asking me why I had started to become so distant from her all of the sudden.

Ended EA with co-worker. NC since 1 month after W discovered. Wife wrote EA co-worker an e-mail and told her to back off. EA wrote back that it wasn't that type of relationship.

I strated to stay out later with friend (make) from work. I didn't want to come home. We were both unhappy and we both knew it. Neither one of us would bring it up.

W began to think I was having another A. I wasn't, but I will say that due to a series of weird things, I probably would have thought the same thing.

W begins two-week investigation, involving her friends and DD(now 16). Tracked my cell, searched my car. Made duplicate key of car and would wait around corner of OW house to see if I would show. If I did, she was going to take my car and hide it so I would have to report it stolen. Then she figured, how would I explain being at OW house.

Funny thing was, I wasn't doing it and I didn't even know this OW.

She finally comforts me on night. She accuses and accuses and accuses. I am floored. We argue until 5 am when I just give up. I wasn't doing anything and I had enough.

Was finally able to prove to W two days later that I wasn't having A. I prived it to her, her way so there would be no doubt. Instead of sorry, I get, "you are just hiding it better". I said, "If you put this much effort into saving this marriage, we never would have a problem". More resentment.

6 months before she graduates, she tells me she wants out. She moves into another bedroom and we live like this for the remainder of school. I beg for us to reconcile.

She grraduates and we decide to give it another go. She wants to move to a bigger house and start anew. Make the slate clean and not live in a house with so many bad memories.

I agree and we buy a bigger house and move in. Start MC again and everything seems to be going well.

Then, DD (now 18) moves back in with us. DD and I have butted heads (to say the least) for several years. I could fill up several pages with that story. Lets just say, W and I have different view on how to displine.

DD caused huge problems with W and I. W stopped MC after 6 sessions. Constant termoil in house due to DD and me not getting along. W caught in middle.

I feel W always took DD side. W felt that I was always singleing out DD for bad things and I never saw good.

Resentment growing again. Building and building. W and I barely talking for weeks. NO SF for weeks sometimes.

DD moves out (actually, W kicked out due to nothing that has to do with me) and W is devistated. See a side of W that I haven't seen in long time. She was open and loving. She was seeing things and was open to change it. I was in heaven.

Then, 30 days later, W wakes up and decides to forgive DD. Has talk with DD on deck. I thought I could stay out of it but I lost my cool when DD starts with bull again.

W tells me to leave conversation and I leave the house in a huff of immuturty.

W and I really in bad situation now. I am strating to boil over. We talk and talk. Seems like we are on right path again.

DD comes over about 2 weeks later. I say hi to her and go about doing things around house. Didn't really want to talk to DD after what had happened. Felt she owed my an apoligigy too. I didn't make any conversation with DD at all.

DD leaves and W is furious with me. Won't talk to me for days. W knows how bad that frustrates me. Eventually, I explode.

W goes to leave and shop with friend. I try to get her to stay. I boil over and get very mad. She says "raged". I tell her to get out. I was so frustrated I just couldn;t stand it.

She gets to the end of the driveway and i am begging her to come back. I never ever raised my hand to her or even acted like I would hurt her during the entire M. She said no and left.

Over the next 10 days, I beg for her to come home. Write e-mail telling her how much she is loved. She won't come back. She says she is done.

W signs lease for year on Apt down the street. Will talk to me about DS but nothing else. Keeps saying its over.

Discover she was seeing OM during December. Says it didn't start before that. OM goes back to his W to try and make it work. My W says it was just a friends thing that that she doesn;t want anything serious.

So, here I am, its been 3 months and W will talk to me about other things but is still holding fast to ending M. She says that she can't return because its not safe (after I raged) and that she won't come back to that.

After she left, I went into IC and have been seeing someone 1 a week since then. I have been working hard on myself.

I really do love her and I am willing to prove to her that we can make this work. I am not interested in anyone else and I really want her to see how I am committed to this.

I am doing all I can with the principles here. I guess my question is, How long does it take before they take even a baby-step?

I would be willing to wait for her if thats what she asked. She keeps saying its over and i can date whoever I want. I just want to date her.

Sorry for the long read. Hopefully someone can help me out here with this rollar-coaster ride.