Hi All,

If anyone needs it, my previous thread is here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

My WW has told me she's in No Contact as of last Friday (it's Wednesday). However, she has an affair phone (which I know about, but she does not know I know about). The OM has been confronted by me and I have exposed him to his vicar - who is going to talk to him tomorrow.

I know that she has been talking to him on the affair phone. Though she deletes any messages and call registers, she has not deleted the call duration lists, which showed she's used the phone for over 4 1/2 hrs since Sunday. However, when asked directly she said she has not contacted him. This makes me angry and upset.

The question is, what to do about it?
[*] I could take it to disrupt her calls / try to create NC and pretend not to know anything about it.
[*] I could confront her.
[*] I could leave it in place and use it to check on future NC claims.

There may be other options I don't know about.

I'd appreciate advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation, or any advice at all.

DRD

What more do you want to know from the affair phone that you do not already know? To me, the salient points are: (A) She's still in contact, and (B) she's still lying to you. I’m not sure leaving the phone in place will ever get you any more than that.

I understand the dilemma though. If you take this phone, there’s a possibility she’ll have “learned” how to better conceal the adultery and just buy one of the disposable cell phones at a convenience store. On the other hand, if you don’t have her destroy it, you are condoning her remaining in contact while disrespecting you by telling you she is not. Personally, I’d confront her again and get it over with. I hope others will post to this thread with more ideas. Hang in there.

You can bluff that you know about the secret phone and leave it at that...presumed contact. In the alternative, just indicate she mistakenly must not have deleted all the calls cause the history showed numerous calls to OM or you were able to determine on-line that she's racked up over 4 1/2 hours of calls to OM since Sunday. Maybe you got the information from the company itself over the phone. Bottom line..leave her guessing and maybe your method will still work in the future.

After you bust her, many here advocate just destoying the phone secretly next time you find it. The betrayers usually won't say a word.

She might figure it out and begin deleting her usage but I think it's safe to assume that as long as she maintains and utilizes that flat she is in contact with OM. Increase your exposure circle prior to confronting her. Don't try to get her to tell you the truth...just expose her lies for what they are....more of the same...AND what you expected. She's addicted...this is going to be tough.

In the future don't look for her to "tell" you she is in "no contact", she must demonstrate "no contact". You'll know when it's legit.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Good points. Mr. Wondering is the man with the answers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DRD,
Do you want some hard advice?

Thanks all, Longhorn, MrW.

RookKev, I'll always listen to any advice, though I will always weight it up with my conscience!

Go ahead.
DRD