FWH has not had contact with ow since July. However, ow posts on forums that H is on. These are fishing forums, so the posts are about what she caught and where, etc. She doesn't post that often, but H reads these. He doesn't hide that fact. Matter of fact her fishing reports are in the newspaper weekly now. Is this a form of contact on his part.

I guarantee that she posts to get him to read them. I read them too and shake my head. Is this a problem? I think I know the answer, but want to get objective responses. I stand waiting for the 2x4s.

Michele YES

H and I still play a sport together that OM was in and I met him through.

I do NOT visit ANY of the many forums that he is a part of - in fact there is only 2 forums that are SAFE. H still visits the other ones, but him and OM avoid eachother's posts.

I DO NOT visit those forums that he goes to. It is BREAKING contact YES - if he is reading them. If he was going and NOT reading them or avoiding her - then it would be up to you - but he is READING them - he is getting affirmation about her life and what's going on....reading them is a problem...and I do believe GOING to that forum in general is problem too.

It sucks when hobbies and affairs are mixed...as you end up loosing that hobby....but it's a must.

Yes

it is a problem

and

NO

you are not concerned over nothing

IMHO

Thank you. I needed to hear that. This will be a difficult sitch. That is his lifelong hobby and he is the Pres of that club. He posts all the time. She joined because of him and now she paid her dues for this year too. H said next year he'll get the board to vote her out of the club and then she won't be able to post.

So you all see it as H being interested in her life?

If he is reading her posts...then even if he doesn't realize it - he is getting something from it.

If this is something he can't get out of and she can't leave yet - then he should be making a deal with you that her posts are off limits and if there is something that he needs to read on that thread that pertains to something for the club - then YOU can read that thread and let him know.

Thanks Dorry. At first I didn't think much of it. But recently I started to wonder why he wanted to read her posts. I guess we'll need to discuss this a bit.

Oh yeah, H is putting together a fishing trip for all club members and friends on a large charter. She actually posted on his thread saying that she would be there with 3 others. Of course he ignored her post.We both found that humorous. She won't come, but to post it, it's pretty obnoxious to say the least. I'm the one collecting the $ for the trip and she hasn't come close to me yet.

She won't be getting on THAT boat. But I'd almost like to see her try. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is one of the reasons my FWH won't post here...the FOW is a registered member. Better safe than sorry.

Yep and if my OM and OMW ever showed up here or I discovered they were here - I would bow out of MB as much as everyone has helped me...NC is NC in any shape or form in my books...

Dorry I hope that never happens. Your posts are VERY helpful.

Camo, thanks for your input. You're right, better safe than sorry.

Michele, I agree with Dorry. For quite a few months after my A ended I used to visit the OM's work website just to see his name on it, not for contact, just to see it there.

That is HOW pathetic it can get and I think you should take this seriously.

Thanks Kiwi,
I had a talk with H last night. I think we have it resolved. But I will keep my eyes open.

Can I ask what do you think that did for you by looking?

Michele... the FOM and I shared a common interest, too (that's how we met). For a long time we were on a mutual friend's e-mail list. It was difficult for me to even see FOM's name, gave me sick-to-stomach feelings. I eventually asked the mutual friend to remove me from the e-mail list -- had to come up with some stupid story about why I needed him to do this as he didn't know of the A.

I know of a couple websites/e-mail lists that FOM frequents, and I actively avoid them.

As for the FOW saying she's signing up for the fishing charter... if she has the audacity to show up, there are a couple of options. There's throwing her overboard, or keel-hauling her. I suggest the latter, as I think it's more torturous! Okay, maybe that's a little extreme as it could subject you to some charge of torture on the high seas or something. Perhaps consultation with an admiralty lawyer is in order before you take such action. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Like GBH, the OM and I were on a common email list (we worked together). Even after I left, one particular co-worker (who'd I'd become very close friends with over the many years I worked there) would continue to email me things that cc: him and others. Sometimes the list would be long, but I'd always see his name.

One day I just asked her to stop sending me things that had his name anywhere on them. She stopped emailing me altogether. Then I had to ask her to never even mention him when we talked. She couldn't do it, as she worked very closely with him. So, now we don't talk. We send Christmas cards once a year. No mention of OM, of course.

That's the cost when you cheat. There are lots of 'little costs' that WS's don't consider. Having to leave jobs, hobbies and/or neighborhoods is one of them.

Michele, you asked what it gave me.

It's so pathetic now I don't even want to think about it.

It was the just the feeling that he was still out there and seeing his name gave me warm feelings.

I know, it's yuck and extra, extra pathetic when you think of how old I am.

I am glad you talked to your H about it.

GBH,
I think I like the idea of torture the best. I'd love to drag her along for awhile and see what bit! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

New,
Do you think most FWS get to a point when they don't even want to "see" the OP's name?

Kiwi,
Didn't mean to make you think back to a bad place. But thanks for replying. I see what you are saying.

And I don't know how old you are, but you do know with age comes wisdom? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kiwi,
I just checked...you're not that old!

Too old to be behaving like that.

I stopped being so pathetic after about 6 months.

Hi Michele,

I'm sure she posts simply because she knows he is reading, and if it is "pure coincidence", you posting on the site shouldn't bother her one bit. Or maybe it's time for a new screen name that includes both you and H in the title, and profile?

Nothing better than letting her make the rules to the game, and you still kick her [email]a@@.[/email]

If she mentioned making the fishing trip, and you are the treasurer... You should email her with a payment deadline!

Something like:

Hi xxxx, I see you planned to attend the fishing trip. Your payment is due by xx xxx 06. You are entitled to 50% off the normal cost other members will be required to pay.

**WITH NO GUARANTEE OF A SAFE RETURN.**

See ya Soon!

>**WITH NO GUARANTEE OF A SAFE RETURN.**


JKT - I'm lmao!

Can we say, "chum those waters?"