I heard some rumblings from the OW this morning that have my stomach going back into those all-too-familiar knots. My DDay was 11/17/05 and I had a few VERY rocky months. But from everything I have been able to observe, my WH seems to be a FWH. We read SA together, and had some good talks about implementing those ideas. His mood is 100% different from the depressed, petulant spouse I had while the A was going on. He seems very much like his old self, to the point I have started to feel a sense of confort lately that we are on the recovery path.

Then this morning, my secretary sighs and tells me that she has been asked to pass on a message to me. She resents being drug into all of this, but feels that I should be aware that the OW, who is friends with my secretary's hairstylist (lol-it always goes back to the hairstylist, doesn't it?), has asked the stylist to tell my secretary to tell me that my FWH is still calling her.

HOW CAN I POSSIBLY VERIFY THAT THIS IS TRUE OR FALSE? During the A, my FWH communicated with the OW using a secret cell phone which I knew nothing about. After DDay, FWH turned the phone over to me, and I found an appropriate way to ensure it would never be used for evil again (lol). FWH has another cell phone, and all my furtive checks of its call history have yielded no evidence of any further communication. The A was fully exposed at BOTH of our workplaces and to pretty much everyone in town, so if they were seen anywhere together, I think I would hear about it within about 5 minutes. But what is to prevent him from getting another secret phone? When will this hateful, disgusting woman be out of my life?

My gut tells me that OW is just trying to stir the pot, hoping I will get mad and kick FWH out, and then he will go running back to her. What other motivation would she have to send this message to me? But I trusted FWH before and am now suffering the battle scars. I don't what to believe.

SHOULD I BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS???????

-------------
BS (me) 34
FWH 31
DD, 4; DD, 21 mo.
PA 10/04-10/05
DDay 11/17/05
In recovery?

I would verify from H. See what he says. If it's true you have something to worry about. However I have found that the ow will try anything to stir up trouble. Ask your H.

Since you want your marriage to be based on truth and not lies or deception... tell him the truth. Tell him how you found out and you just want to get rid of the rumors and go straight to the source.

If it's a lie then consider the possibility that the OW is just trying to break you up. Your H will most likely be defending himself with all sorts of facts.

If it's the truth then you will probably have a good idea by his body language (nervousness, looking flush, dilated eyes, etc.) as well as by his response. He may ask why you are "checking up on him" or "why would she do that" along with any other kind of ramble.

But would you try to do a little investigation first? I am worried that if I confront him right away that he will cover any tracks that might be there. But I haven't a clue about where to look or who to ask for evidence. The only obvious things I can check are his cell phone, which he keeps with him almost all the time--he plugs it in at night to charge it and I usually check it then. And I can do a search of his patrol vehicle--I am pretty sure that is where he kept his secret phone during the A.

I was tempted to call him immediately and ask him, but I know he'll deny it and I don't know how to take him at his word--not yet anyway.

___________
BS (me) 34
FWH 31
Married 8/97
DD, 4; DD, 21 mo.
PA 1-/05-10/05
DDay 11/17/05
In recovery?