Dear Dog & Cat,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through thesame door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
[color:"red"] Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted child who is short,hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
5. Remember: Dogs and cats are sometimes better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell
their children !!!
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