I'm home sick, and I watched Dr.Phil and that sort of struck a nerve, and then I read Froz's post about her daughter, which got me thinking about my daughter in Florida, and I'm sad. I'm sad about a lot of things, and I guess sometimes you have to just be sad for a while.

I wish things didn't have to be this way. I miss my husband.(Not the WH) I miss feeling loved by him, I haven't felt that in a long, long time.

I wanted to post these lyrics to this song. I listened to it and cried.

Without You
Dixie Chicks


I've sure enjoyed the rain
but I'm looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
when you lose the love you gave someone
I thought by now the time
would take away these lonely tears
I hope you're doing fine all alone,
but where do I go from here 'cause

Without you I'm not okay
And without you
I've lost my way
My heart's stuck
in second place ooh
Without you

Well I never thought I'd be
lying here without you by my side
It seems unreal to me that
the life you promised was a lie
You made it look so easy
making love into memories
I guess you got what you wanted
but what about me 'cause

Without you I'm not okay
And without you
I've lost my way
My heart's stuck
in second place ooh
Without you

Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart
That I'm better off without you
'Cause baby I can't live

Without you I'm not okay
And without you
I've lost my way
My heart's stuck
in second place ooh
Without you...Without you

God Bless,

-Caren

((( Caren)))))

We are allowed to have those days. I know what you mean about missing your H not the WH.

The song says it all...

Tomrrow is a new day and the sun will come out...... It will be better, you just have to believe......


Hurting

It just sucks. I always used to find songs and burn them for WH that describe how I am feeling. He seems to better understand what I'm saying if it's in the form of a song. I know I can't send this to him....because I'm in B, but this describes how I feel right now, so I wish I could.

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren,

It's okay to grieve.

I'm sorry my outpouring of emotion made you sad. I took yesterday and I let myself grieve and grieve. I've chosen not to today.

My daughter is somebody new to me today (and I don't mean a bull). She is a young adult. She is still my child and she's still a mommy's girl, but she is a young woman now and it's time. It's time for her and I just pray that she's prepared. I pray that I can rise to the task at hand and make that healthy transition from parenting a child to parenting a young adult. I want to be the kind of mother who doesn't hold on too tight, but never lets go. I want to be the kind of mother who doesn't hinder her growth, but is still available with a nurturing love when she needs it.

I imagine that during this time I will give her a a little bit of rope (not to hang herself), so she is still connected to me. She can venture out in the world, knowing the safety of that rope is still there and she can follow it straight to me when she needs me and she can also tie it to the belt loop of her L.E.I's and explore whatever the world has to offer her.

Change is scary. Just when you feel like you know what things are like, the world shifts and it takes re-adjusting. It takes time to get your land legs back when you've been floating for such a long time.

Don't be sorry Froz. It's just a feel sorry for myself kinda day. I don't have them often, but I guess my soul needs them once in a while.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. She's been divorced for 13 years (Never remarried)she has 2 teenagers that are giving her a run for her money. Her son has been in trouble with drugs and the law, so she'd recently been talking to her ex, who lives in Tennesee, about coming to Ohio to help her with the kids. She called him today, and someone else answered the phone. She asked for Eddie, and the person said "Who is this?" She got a little indignant and said "This is his ex-wife, the mother of his children!" The guy on the other line said "Oh, honey.....I have some bad news" She said "What?!" She said "Eddie died last night" (Of an apparent accidental overdose).

Her kids don't even remember what their father looks like, they've talked to him over the phone all these years. They are very upset.

Eddie had his faults, but he had a good heart, I always liked him.

Susan said "I swear if someone had told me that I'd cry when I found out he had died, I would've called them a liar, but I did cry."

She's all wrapped up in what if's....if she'd made her decision to have him come up here......he'd still be alive. Things like that.

I tried to console her as much as I could, I said "Susan, you can't control other people, Eddie was a big boy, he just never grew up I guess"

All this is just icing on the cake that is my bad day. I think about this ALL the time. I worry about my husband, I don't know why he'd be safer with me, but it seems like he would. I prayed so hard right then and there for God to protect him and keep him safe, because if anything happened to him I'd be sad for the rest of my life.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

((((Caren))))

I hope you are feeling better today.
I wanted to tell you how much your posts meant to me and I am sure you have helped others here as well. I wish I know what to say to make you feel better... I only know God loves you and want the best for you. What we are going through is only temporary.

Have faith, things will soon pick up.
Ruffled.

Ruffled-

Thank you dear, I do feel much better today. Some days I think you just need to be sad. But I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and I'm okay <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad that my posts have helped you a little. That always makes me feel good.

Hope that you've had a great day Ruff, you deserve it.

God Bless,

-Caren