Dear Pay,
First, I want you to move your post from "Resolving Conflict" to General Question II in the Infidelity forum. I think you can do this by cutting and pasting. If you do, you can clean up all the carriage returns (I'm nearly your age, so you remember what that is...those line breaks you have in there that make it so hard to read). I read all of it. You'll be more response doing those two things.
I'm glad you're here sense you are in a tough spot. Wish you'd been here years ago, but then, I wished that for myself. See, you are being cheated on. Your wife has been having emotional affairs and this last one has her totally disconnected from you. Read the Infidelity forum. You'll find others exactly like her. Honest. Saying the same thing, acting against the nature you've known...and yes, acting like they are on drugs. Not Xanax...delusional drugs. Affairs are drugs. Get to know the pattern and you'll understand that this isn't about you, it is about her.
Read the articles on this site by Dr. Harley. Take the Emotional Needs Questionnaire (and do one for your wife, as well). Read up on LoveBusters and find out what yours are and stop them immediately. This is Plan A.
Do not leave the house. If she has been plotting this for awhile, she'll want the house. You must expose the affairs to her OM (other man) wife. Look up worthatry's thread for Exposure 101. You want your real wife back instead of this alien? Plan A really well. It works.
The pain will persist...don't try to make her see what she's been doing. Your belief is that when you cover up a relationship, that is cheating. Lying is cheating. When you have your ENs met by another man other than your husband, that is infidelity. That's why you are both disconnected. "Not Just Friends" needs to be gotten from the library and read right away. Same with His Needs Her Needs. You can do this. Shut off the television, stop distracting and start educating yourself on affairs, what they mean and how to combat divorce.
Because you've narrowed your needs so far down--as long as your children are fed and sheltered, you're okay, then there isn't much need for her, huh? You didn't allow yourself to need her conversation, attention, 15 hours a week of undivided attention is average, admiration, appreciation, affection...the list goes on. Limiting yourself limits your connection to others. You didn't know. Now you do.
Counseling, pronto. The Harleys here are great at Plan A. You're not alone.
LA
