I have been reading posts on this site for only a short period of time, but I have yet to come across a posting where the WS became a FWS on the first try. Is it the case that there are always relapses? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Or is there anyone out there who has actually succeeded at their NC on their first try? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> Please share!! I need some positive stories right now.... anyone.....

I established NC on the first try and have not relapsed. I have not contacted OW, ever. It is possible. Keeping my relationship with my wife was way more important, but that remark might be seen as butt-kissing since she reads here too.

Recovery has been another animal, but I have not contacted OW. So there you go. A story of "FWS on the first try"

I hope that helps

-i'm just guessing, she's more than happy having you kiss her rear end for the next 50 years! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My husband converted to FWS on D-day

he never called OW again ... she called him, then H called me to tell me of OW contact efforts __ then I'd call OW's husband ... it stopped real quick!

For me yes, only the one NC. Having said that though, during the A the OM and I tried many, many times to finish the A. Once the OM had said that he was definitely ending it, his w and family came first, I took that as the real end and NC started from that day.

Interestingly, he "accidentally" bumped into me a couple of times after that but I had already made up my mind that there was going to be NC forever. I was reading the main site at MB by this stage but hadn't discovered the forum.

After d-day there was NO WAY I was ever going to contact him again and when he did contact me that Christmas by e-mail I told my H immediately.

So yes, I guess I did it first time.

WOW this is so comforting and confidence building!! Thanks soooo much. Its great to hear that you all have done this even though I'm sure it was really really hard. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Can you give me an idea of why you made such a strong commitment? What helped you to keep that commitment? Was your BS meeting most of your needs, or did that take sometime to develop? Did your BS do anything that made it easier (especially when you were weak and tempted)?

I only ask as I want to believe my WW, but that nagging voice in my head tells me otherwise (but let me just say there is no real reason for these thoughts - just finding it hard to beleive since she lied to me so well for a year about the PA).

Thanks again for all the encouraging responses !!!

dc, I'm sure there are two types of FWS. One is the spitting, snarling, hissing type who can still be brought back to the marriage (I've seen it here lots of times), the other is the type who is going to try to make things right and do things right.

They're no less foggy (and that's not a small thing and just as hard to deal with), they just see it sooner.

I can't really tell you why I made such a strong commitment to NC. Part of it was pride. I don't crawl for ANYONE and if he said it was over, as far as I was concerned it was over. It all happened about 4 months before d-day so my H didn't even know he had to do anything.

After d-day, yes my H pulled out everything he had. He knew I was weak and tempted but he even supported me through that.

However, when I went through a bad patch about 6 months after my H found out and he (my H) thought I was on the verge on making some sort of contact (I don't think I would have but "don't think" isn't really enough in these situations) that's when my H rang the OM's wife.

And, yep, like Pep said, that sure put a stop to any chance of him contacting me again.

Of course I don't know your w - I can only hope she's one who'll do the right thing.

My FWH had NC the day after discovery and has not had contact since that day. SOW text'd him 3 times the next day while his phone was off & in my possession - I discovered the messages, and he proceeded to take the phone from me & smash it to pieces with a hammer.

The only contact SOW tried to make after that was 'drive-by's down our street, and intentional "run-ins" in our neighborhood. In church esp. - how Christian of her... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

We now live 125 miles away so those sightings are obsolete now.

Good luck! It can & does happen.

yeah. no relapses here either

It's possible if the FWS is truly committed to rebuilding the relationship. For me FWS, it was NC from the moment of d-day even though I have to see OW everyday. It is uncomfortable and part of me wants to have contact but after thinking what I did and how she had a part in ruining my BS's life, I hate her! It's a strong word...but it's how I feel.

My fws had contact for a week or so after dd but to my knowledge, there has been no contact since and has made a strong attempt to help me recover by protecting my feelings.

Wow, these stories of FWS being committed to NC have truely helped me to feel a little better and trusting (although still a little hard for me as I feel all trust has been crushed).

My WW is still in the fog of withdrawal, so there are times I feel that she is aware of how much her acts have ruined my life...Then there are times when she is so focused on her bad she feels, telling me that she needs to be focused on 'finding out' who she is and what she needs and not us. So hard to hear that, but then I guess this is normal. Time will tell, and all I can do is to continue with plan A.

Thanks for all your encouraging responses. Please continue posting your thoughts. I know it encourages me and I'm sure it encourages others out there in similar situations.