What I would like to know is how a spouse can just walk away with no emotion whatsoever? After making a committment and sharing such intimate moments, how do they do it? How do they walk away so unscathed? My husband told me he wanted a divorce one day and I have not heard from him again. He also told me a week or two later that he was dating someone. He acted like it was perfectly acceptable by stating that our marriage was over anyway. He said "You mean to tell me you didn't see it coming? We have to many ups and downs in our marriage and I want a more straight path. I am too old for this and don't need the stress"? He has totally justified his actions by saying we were not working anyway. He said very hurtful things to me and I just can't get over that.

At this point, I do not want him back! But I am having trouble with dealing with the fact that he could walk away with not a care in the world. Also, that he has someone else and he is out having a grand old time while I struggle to put my life back together? He is the type of guy that always has to be in a relationship. Why? If he truly wanted a divorce, why couldn't he just walk away and take some time to heal instead of jumping into another relationship?

I guess my question is how did they walk away so unscathed? Also, how do you handle knowing they are in a serious relationship with someone else and don't give a darn about all the pain you have built up inside? Will they live happier ever after? Any comments? I am really struggling with this.

Lily - rest assured that your confusion is normal and universal. You're trying to process the information from a rational frame of reference. This will only frustrate you because rationality has been disposed of.

A workable answer? He's been abducted by aliens and had his brains scrambled.

Can you think of a better explanation?

Didn't think so.

While this is a tongue in cheek approach, it works.

Detach from trying to figure it out becasue you won't be able to.

And you have a LOT of company.

He NEEDS to be in a relationship, to avoid the pain. Heve you tried all the MB concepts?

Lily,
I am sorry this has happened to you, but you have come to the right place.

***If he truly wanted a divorce, why couldn't he just walk away and take some time to heal instead of jumping into another relationship?***

He was almost certainly having an affair long before he left, and the affair is why he moved out. Don't believe him when he says he suddenly started dating "a week or two" after moving out. Many, many WS say that to ease their conscience and make themselves look better.

Hon, you can bet your house that he was dating her long before he moved out.
Mulan

Along time ago I asked him to read one of the Harley's books and he did. At this point, I am not willing to work on things. We don't even speak to eachother. He never had the decency to contact me again and he told me he wanted a divorce over the phone. He is too far gone and has no interest in working the marriage out. He made that quite clear and his actions have proven that. He has moved on and told me I should also. I feel I have moved on to some extent, but I have all these questions. I guess I just don't understand how a person could just leave without a care in the world. Maybe you are right about getting into a relationship to escape the pain, but I don't think he feels pain. I know he hates to be alone and I don't think he has ever been without a woman in his life. He has either been married or had a girlfriend.

We were seperated and I moved out of his house. When we married, he had a house. The night we seperated, he insisted that I leave. For months, I lived elsewhere and we worked on the relationship. However, there were times we would go a few weeks without talking because we were arguing.

I don't think he had been seeing her for a long time. I know that when I met him, he told me that he and his girlfriend just got out of a relationship. I believe that he met me and decided to leave her for me, although that is not what he told me. He basically said they were just not working out. He came on very strong and I imagine that is what he is doing with his new flame!