I have originally posted under a different name "payingnow". IF you look under all the posts from "payingnow" the first couple are from my STBXH from last year (if you read his posts, just make a note that he added some extra's, left out some stuff). I wanted to try and get on here and post some more, so I did, under the same name (payingnow)as my H...shoot...STBXH (hard to type that). Some people have been confused when the first couple of posts were from a male, and then suddenly changed to female at the beginning of this year. Anyway, this is my new name with new email addy. Here's my question...
My husband wants out, no doubt that the divorce is going through. And due to his continuing lies I am also having trouble dealing with this marriage as well. However, I still find myself praying that God will bring him back into my life someday as something other than just the father of our two boys. He even said on the phone the other day "you never know, maybe somewhere down the road we'll be back together". What are the chances of a BS/WS getting a divorce and remarrying later down the road?
sorry this is so long.

Standard bullcrap from someone who doesn't think of anyone else other than themselves. He said this to try to make himself feel better thinking it was making you feel better.


It happens.

Recommend you not plan on it.

In time you will very, very likely be amazed that you even thought about it.

Well, thanks...I think. So you think that the affection he has been giving me the past week...coming from behind and holding me, the I love you's, the touching me. That's all just BS? I thought God truly wanted us together and would see us through this, I guess I was wrong.

I didn't see the "affection" stuff described. Applying significance to this from a distance is impossible for me or anyone else.

Could be he's having second thoughts and is truly indecisive or he's trying to let you down "easy." Two very wide extremes.

I suggest you cultivate the affection and Plan A him. If you want the marriage, fill his ENs. The divorce isn't official until the judges hammer strikes. The ole' fat lady singing thingy. For this reason, your hope should be applied BEFORE the divorce.

WAT

Judge's hammer will strike very soon. He plans on this going very quickly. Tried plan A, did it for two years. Didn't work. Says he finally wants out. So I'm letting him go. In the last week he has given me more affection than he has in the last six months. Tells me he loves me, I just don't get it at all. I will be moving out soon. Is there such a thing as plan A'ing after divorce?

Is infidelity involved?

A couple things:

Why are you moving out?


You may have been expecting it to do things it wasn't intended to do. Plan A is all about making you a better partner. It is not about anything else > particularly it is not about changing your spouse.

So to say Plan A didn't work after two years is like saying I tried to improve myself for two years I nothing happened.

I don't think this is what you mean.

Regardless, if he's showing affection and saying he loves you, welcome it and fill his love bank! A pertinent question for him, "Why, if you love me and we can have momentary moments of bliss, don't you think it can become permanent - again?"

WAT

Yes infidelity is involved. I first was the WS, and I had suspicions of he cheating as well but he has denied it. I got into his email the other day and found an email from one of his coworkers confirming my suspicions. So we both are WS/BS. I am moving out becuase of the divorce. I guess I was confused about what plan A was, so thank you for clearing that up for me. I have done a lot of LB'ing. So maybe that's why my plan A didn't work, for me or him. I lb'd becuase I knew in my heart that he was seeing someone else, and only wanted the truth but he kept denying it. And he kept denying it, know I know the truth. Even though he says he didn't have an affair on me. He says that our bad times have overpowered our momentary moments of bliss. That he loves me, but doesn't love me like a husband should love a wife, and that it will never be the same for him. I am feeling hopeless. I truly believed that God had it in his will for us to be together. I truly beleived that he loved me enough that we could move on, not immediately but someday as time went on. I knew that we would fight and have bad moments, but I was willing to stick by him through his hard times. I was willing to stick by his side and forgive him for his infidelity. If he would have only talked to me about it and be truthful and honest with me as I have him. Maybe he has just found someone else and that's why he wants out so bad. Friday night he came home about midnight...smelling of cigarette smoke and beer. I asked him if he'd been drinking and he said he had a beer on the way home, I asked him where he'd been and he said Walmart, Kmart and he stopped at Starbucks and sat out on the patio nad had a coffee. Give me a break...it was in the Thirties here Friday night, sit outside on the patio and drink coffee???? And where did the smoke smell come from? It's just hard for me to let go. As it would be anybody who still loves like I do. I don't mean to whine and cry and go on, but it's just hard. I'm sure you know that or you wouldn't be here. Thanks for listening.