Hi dorry - I'm glad you understand the distinction.

I've tried very hard here to express my admiration of and to former WSs. If it wasn't for SKM helping me thru my crisis, I hate to imagine how different it might have turned out.

Looking back on the "pond scum" statement that was the subject of this interaction, I can see very clearly how penaltykill interpreted it the way she did. I am saddened that the distinction you understand was not communicated. It is a bad reflection on my communicating skills.

In the throes of my XW's affair, she proclaimed, "I am not a bad person!" Of course, she was not having an affair, either. Looking back I can see her confliction just like it was yesterday. She was truly, sincerely, genuinely confused and in mental turmoil. And that's an understatement. My response, "I know you aren't." What I didn't know enough to add at the time was, "...so why are you acting like a bad person?"

Hence my "comfort" in describing active WSs as pond scum. I know that inside (usually) there's a normal human. I know that the regression is temporary. I know that once the fog clears (assuming it does) the good and unselfish can re-emerge and these folks will have learned as valuable a lesson, albeit a different one, than the typical BS.

Here's a tidbit. I can't remember if it was in person or in an MB post, but I asked SKM how she chose that "name" - since I knew her real name and there's no connection to SKM. She admitted that its root was SKUM, but was hesitant to reveal that much personal insight.

WAT

Well I certainly understand now! Thanks for the clarification, WAT.

WATTIE'S a good guy PK.

I also thought this thread had died.

I wrote it when I had really, really bad PMS.

Sorry, men on the thread, probably TMI.

BTW, Rook, it wasn't to the "burning the OM's photos of when we were in HS" thread you replied to, it was MY VERY FIRST POST.

And also, WAT, you haven't done it lately but it p's me off when you talk about your w's menopause as though she's going to go nuts. If it's just her you're talking about, fine, but please don't promote the myth that women somehow go nuts when they hit menopause.

Although, even at 51, I'm nowhere near it apparently according to my doctor.


I'll let you know when I go nuts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hmm. I met the OM 8 times. After each time I asked myself the same question. "Why are you acting like a #$#$#$#$?. I definitely *felt* like a bad person - who couldn't help herself (addict, addict, addict). And then I wouldn't see or speak to the guy for months, thereby setting myself up for an excellent state of denial.

Actually, I think that pond scum felt better than I did after seeing OM. I remember feeling really great only one time, which was when I gave some lame excuse to OM twice in one week that I couldn't see him, although it was certainly possible for me to do so. It was then that I realized I didn't want to do this anymore.

But the damage had been done - to me, to my M. Later to my H. That was the worst.

PK
I dont post much,but I just had to tell you that,after reading your posts from day one,that I am really proud of you and how far you have come in only a few weeks.From defensive to compassionate,I see you open your heart to other posters and give them hope.I would give anything for my wife to show me the compassion and love that you obviously have in your heart.Keep up the good work!
Bill

misplacedlove:

Thanks, I needed that! My H and I are working toward R. Talking w/the Harleys. Doing what we can, one day at a time.

Take care.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Huh? Jen, I think you have me confused with someone else. I don't EVER recall discussing my XW's menopause except maybe once in the throes of her affair as a possible contributing factor and that was long before you started on the forum. As far as I know she hasn't experienced this yet.

WAT

Bumped up for Jen. Wake up over there!!

Need an answer - your comment is driving me "nuts"!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
WAT

Hi WAT, I think my only excuse is that this heat is frying my brains.

You made a couple of off the cuff remarks about a year ago saying ha, ha the OM will have to deal with my XWs menopause.

I have NO IDEA why I thought of that last night or why I even brought it up.

I've been writing a few snotty posts lately. Maybe I should wait till I'm in a better frame of mind (too hot and too busy at work at the moment to be my usual cheery self) before I rush into print.

Yes, I remember that, now that you mention it. It was off the cuff and said with humor intended.

If this struck you the wrong way, my apologies.

You can send some of that heat up here - winter finally is showing up.

WAT