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Agreeing on Children Rewards
#1580145 02/03/06 12:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
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roomiehusband
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roomiehusband
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My wife has a son from a previous marriage, he is four. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage that is also four. My wife's son has issues with bed time and she feels it's best to give him a toy if he goes to bed by himself and stays in his bed all night.I totally disagree due to the fact there is not really and consiquence if he doesn't becuase both kids have too many toys now. I don't feel they need anymore for just going to sleep. Everytime I express my concern or dsbelief my wife gets very defensive and doesn't want to budge. This really makes me so mad if I say he doesn't get a prize becuase she slept with him she makes up excuses for him and still gives him a toy. I want the prize box to go away and she deosn;t even want to listen? How do I handle this?? Please help, I have so much animosity over this.
Re: Agreeing on Children Rewards
roomiehusband #1580146 02/03/06 05:55 PM
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W8ing4signs Offline
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W8ing4signs
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OK. You disagree with the prize box. Would you agree IF she only gave out toys when he did what he was supposed to do, stay in bed -- alone -- all night? I see nothing wrong with positive reinforcement rather than punishments for this scenario, but your wife does need to be consistent.

One thing I am learning to do in my new, blended family is NOT to parent my spouse's child. I am my husband's wife. For now, at least, I am not his son's mother. I am a buddy, I am a family member, I am an adult worthy of respect like an aunt would be, but I try to let Hubby take care of discipline. It puts less stress on our marriage and lets me be "the good guy", speeding up our blending.

Just some thoughts for you.


Mrs. W8ing

Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
Re: Agreeing on Children Rewards
W8ing4signs #1580147 02/05/06 10:27 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
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Nellie2 Offline
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Nellie2
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Aside from the fact that this is between your wife and her son, I think it is important for her to think about why he might be having issues with bedtime. Many four year olds need someone to be there with them until they fall asleep. Several of my six kids did. Is he under stress because of the new family situation? What is causing him to wake up in the middle of the night? Does he have to go to the bathroom (you are lucky if he actually stays dry all night at that age), or is he suffering from night terrors? I don't have any personal experience with waking during the night, because my kids slept through anything, including a lightning strike. Why can't your wife just go sleep next to him if he wakes? I can guarantee you it won't last forever.

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