recently statements were made regarding long term affairs being treated differently and that those situations were much different than short term affairs and more than what dr. harley handles. i was curious and wanted the answer from the horses mouth and here is what he told me:

2334pem: While most affairs die a natural death in less than two years, there are some that take much longer to die. That's one of the primary reasons that my first rule in surviving an affair is to never see or talk to the lover again -- even if the affair seems to have died a natural death. An affair can rekindle after it seems to be over. And to guarantee complete separation between the unfaithful spouse and the lover, extraordinary precautions must be taken, such as providing radical accountability and transparency. In many cases, I've encouraged couples I've counseled to change jobs or even move to another state to help create permanent separation.

Another suggestion I make to a couple struggling to restore their marriage after one of them had an affair is to make the affair public. Everyone should know what happened -- children, relatives, friends, and especially the children and spouse of the lover -- so that the affair is exposed to the light of day. What often makes affairs appealing is that it is done in secret. Most affairs become very unappealing once everyone knows about it.

So whether an affair is a one night stand, or has been going on for years, the basic rule for ending them are the same -- extraordinary precautions to guarantee permanent separation. But I will admit that the precautions used for long-term affairs are usually more extraordinary than those used for short-term affairs. I've helped many spouses overcome affairs that have lasted over ten years, but none of them have been easy.

Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

PEM,

Well there you go. I do think that most here say, is that the withdrawal period is longer, the attachments deeper in a LTA. Thus, the time lines are often different in recovery if recovery does take place. I think that Dr. Harley is clearly saying that in the cases of LTA, there MUST be no contact and extraordinary measures are often required that MIGHT not be necessary for a short affair such as LEAVING THE STATE.

I hope a lot of people read what you have posted.

God Bless,

JL

How exciting..a post from Dr. Harley!

Thank you to you and your son for helping my H and I RECOVER after his LTA....

Extraordinary precautions definitely in place...

bumping

Jennifer harley also told me that some affairs take longer than the 2 years but not to give up hope