Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1580167 02/03/06 01:44 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,159
2
2334pem Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
2
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,159
recently statements were made regarding long term affairs being treated differently and that those situations were much different than short term affairs and more than what dr. harley handles. i was curious and wanted the answer from the horses mouth and here is what he told me:

2334pem: While most affairs die a natural death in less than two years, there are some that take much longer to die. That's one of the primary reasons that my first rule in surviving an affair is to never see or talk to the lover again -- even if the affair seems to have died a natural death. An affair can rekindle after it seems to be over. And to guarantee complete separation between the unfaithful spouse and the lover, extraordinary precautions must be taken, such as providing radical accountability and transparency. In many cases, I've encouraged couples I've counseled to change jobs or even move to another state to help create permanent separation.

Another suggestion I make to a couple struggling to restore their marriage after one of them had an affair is to make the affair public. Everyone should know what happened -- children, relatives, friends, and especially the children and spouse of the lover -- so that the affair is exposed to the light of day. What often makes affairs appealing is that it is done in secret. Most affairs become very unappealing once everyone knows about it.

So whether an affair is a one night stand, or has been going on for years, the basic rule for ending them are the same -- extraordinary precautions to guarantee permanent separation. But I will admit that the precautions used for long-term affairs are usually more extraordinary than those used for short-term affairs. I've helped many spouses overcome affairs that have lasted over ten years, but none of them have been easy.

Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.


"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
PEM,

Well there you go. I do think that most here say, is that the withdrawal period is longer, the attachments deeper in a LTA. Thus, the time lines are often different in recovery if recovery does take place. I think that Dr. Harley is clearly saying that in the cases of LTA, there MUST be no contact and extraordinary measures are often required that MIGHT not be necessary for a short affair such as LEAVING THE STATE.

I hope a lot of people read what you have posted.

God Bless,

JL

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
How exciting..a post from Dr. Harley!

Thank you to you and your son for helping my H and I RECOVER after his LTA....

Extraordinary precautions definitely in place...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
bumping

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
Jennifer harley also told me that some affairs take longer than the 2 years but not to give up hope


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 140 guests, and 97 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,810
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5