Post deleted by 2BNormal

"kind"

no

honest?

yep

snort, amazing.

An affair is rude (to put it mildly).

Pointing out bullhonkey is not.

******Deleted******

**************Deleted**************

If you prefer kindness over honesty, I'm not your girl.

*****Deleted*****

she did not offend because she struggles with her feelings

she stepped over the line when she used HER adulterous feelings to GIVE ADVICE that 2Long ought to just accept her adulterous feelings as a tool to make his marriage better


as far as ADVICE about what to do when a 12-year affair keeps on ticking ... it does not get much worse or much more insensitive than this dribble

and if pointing out THAT fact is offensive to you ... so be it

*****Deleted*******

((( 2B )))

Are you gonna watch the big game?

Pep, you have a way with words, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

which I greatly admire!

You were/are so right.

Go STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

2long, if anything I said HURT YOU, I appologize
from my heart and I would be glad to delete any part of the message that you request me to delete. I admire you greatly and would never want to cause you any additional heartache.

I did not know your wife's affair had been going on for 12 or 14 years. How long has it been over?

Sometimes I think that about the only BS that wants to hear what is going on in former wandering wives hearts (to better undertand his own FWW) is OWL. He has posted many times
on Cardsonly's thread about withdrawing from an online affair.

I think everyone who comes on here should read and understand at least the articles on Dr Harley's main pages before offering advice here.

I have absolutely no issue with anyone, FWS or BS who knows that Affairs are not love stories. They are NEVER love stories. They are selfish fantasies. I am not making this up. The very reason MB gives us hope and WORKS is because affairs are NOT love stories.

Yearning for OP with cow eyes, and thinking of them in romantic ways is delusion in the very great majority of cases. This isn't ME talking. Its Dr Harley. A man who has hlped save THOUSANDS of marriages.

Almost EVERY FWS here once felt 'in love' doe-eyed and romantic about OP. Most now are ambivalent towards them, some hate them. Many of my FWS friends are EMBARASSED at the state of the people who 'seduced' them and whom they in turn seduced.

Affairs are mutual selfish self delusion. Any and all verbage about "and the desire to just know about the OM and his life (and the hope that we really were SPECIAL to them and that they miss us)" is abject delusion almost NEVER love.

EVERY WS think their 'love is special'. 2% of affair marriages last more than 3 years . Go figure....
symptomatic of a WS addiction to their affair - "fog " its alled here and is experienced by just about every couple who try to recover their marriage after an affair.

Mary was well intentionedly stinking up the place with misleading and entirely incorrect fog. One day soon she may come to realise that herself if she maintains NC and works hard on recovery.

2long knows all about the dynamics of affairs, also patience. But to have fog pumped in he room when he's hurting is wholly inapprorpriate IMO.

Yes, pep could have been nicer with mary...but she has seen this delusional drivel hurt more good people even than I have over the years.

Politely or impolitely , mary needs to read the articles on this site MANY TIMES, buy and read SAA and maybe Torn Asunder, wake up and smell what she be shovellin' before she offers any advice on these boards.

2longs current sit is a testament to several things:

* the fact that no NC means no recovery
* that no commitment to recovery means no recovery
* that time only heals if the time is filled with good stuff, not fog

Am I making this up ? if you can be bothered read my sit. My Squid was hopelessly in love with the king of her sport. "the great love of teh second half of her life". As fogbound as any WS ever has been.

Now she claims bemusement at how she could bring herslef to consider him attractive, this cheating, lying womaniser.

So - Pep was harsh, but not HALF so harsh as 2long being told that horsemud. IMO.

mary

Your every word is fog. You don't think so, you think yours was a SPECIAL love affair, that will never die.

Every WS feels that until they learn about affairs and keep NC.

Study MB Mary, and keep NC. Learn yourself With the love of a good BH you can rebuild your M without a thought for OM.

All blessings.


* edited to say I see yours was an EA. Seek out Suzet*'s works here on recovering from a EA. It can be hard to recover from without the obvious " I did very wrong" moment of a PA.

Thanks Bob.
I think I needed a little 'shaking' to help rid
my mind of some of my foggy thinking.

You have been through this with your wife so I know
you understand FOG.

It is almost as if I am BLINDED and cannot even see
it as fog. I am very early in this NO CONTACT with OM.

I will go back and read the articles on the home page
of Marriage Builders. Thanks for the reminder to do this.

2L,

Sorry to hear about the twister out your way. You know the ropes, expose to the fiancee...ASAP.

BS: RM's finacee, just wanted to let you know that RM is still having contact with 'other women' (leave it plural). Not sure how many but 'they' are out there. Thought you'd need to know so you can make the right decision for you.

Then just leave it be. If she chooses to marry RM, she has been warned and you are done. No guilt.

Next task: You need to decide whether you want to live with someone who is NOT willing to recover. If you live in the shadows of doubt, you have choose whether you want that daily or from a distance or at all. You decide.

Hugz to you 2L, you certainly do not deserve this kind of treatment. You are a special MBer to us.....we love you dearly and want to see you smile again.

Next time we go star gazing (kinda fun out here in the middle of the big blue), I make a wish just for you, ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

{{{Hugz}}},
L.

ps: Btw, all that previous ruckus in this thread wasn't necessary. Some of you may need to rethink rude vs marriage damage and see how much the scales are tipped by those who feel a marriage needs to have an A to make 'someone feel better'. Rudeness is never welcomed but sometimes a tool used to just put more balance back to the good side. WHAT?!?!?! Yea, you all heard me. If it was 'rude' vs an A, I'd pick rude reality any day. It is much easier to heal from a rude but truthful remark than to heal from an A in your face. JMHO.

Post deleted by 2BNormal

mary:

"2long, if anything, I, as a FWW, said HURT YOU, I appologize
from my heart and I would be glad to delete any part of the message that you request me to delete. I admire you greatly and would never want to cause you any additional heartache."

No, you didn't hurt me. You really are only hurting yourself with this Rube Goldberg rationalization. And I'm saying that in a KIND tone, if you can't see that.

Your post reminds me of a former poster 2 MB: Sarie. She had a 10yr A with a patient (she allegedly is a nurse, but I don't believe many liars anymore - my W included - so I don't know for sure). She never told her H about the A, and even when the OM moved on 2 another relationship, they blatantly continued behind both spouses' backs.

Anotehr FWW, SKM, said this 2 Sarie:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

This is what you are doing and what my W is doing by wanting 2 check in on the OM just 2 see how they're doing, or "because I care what's going on in his life" (my W said that yes2rday)...

This is your choice, as it is my W's choice. Just be aware that your H may be fed up with it when you're not ready for him 2 be, as my W is finding out now.

KINDness. But firmness.

This is likely going 2 end badly, if she doesn't pull her head out very, very soon.

She's being "nice" 2day. She's got s2dents coming over for the afternoon. I won't mess with that, but it doesn't mean anything 2 me either.

2much water. 2long a bridge span.

I'm not watching no silly pigskin game. I've got telescopes 2 work on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

2b..I dunno. Having my [censored] kicked here helped me save my marriage - no doubt.

Pep has earned the right to say what she wants how she wants on these boards IMO. She's worth a million a year in consulting fees. Read past the occasional stroppiness and learn about your life from pep 2B. Really.