appy:

Makes perfect sense!

You know? Rather than post long posts, I wonder if I should just sell tickets.

Because, rather than being all that painful these days, it's somewhat amusing, in a self-abusive kind of fashion.

-ol' 2long

Ms. Pepperband's terrible and rude reply!!

""ah-ah-ah-------cheeeeeeeeeeewbullpucky

pass a tissue

I'm snot kidding""

GIVE ME A BREAK!! This was a kindly response, IMHO, to an unfeeling and foggy post.

I think all the whining politically correcters should just build a bridge...and get over it!!!

2LONG,

You said your W was crying for a while. Ask her who she is crying for.

The pond scum RatMeat?

The handsome and loving 2LONG?

Herself, because she is an IDIOT??? A high IQ no mind? Is she 2smart for her own good?

A process server serving DV papers at work or where ever might make her get the message. That would be interesting! Yes? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I was very sad to read that first thread. Sorry to chime in here late.

k

>rather than being all that painful these days, it's somewhat amusing, in a self-abusive kind of fashion.


Actually, that was the state of my cabaza when I had to become BBA. It had gotten past the point of pain to the point of how-frackin-long-are-you-going-to-live-with-this-drama-in-your-life????? I chose to step away from the drama and once Wookie figured out I wasn't going to be there to catch him and be there for him anymore, he changed his tune THAT VERY MOMENT. I'm serious. He was pining for (c)OW one moment, the next moment I put my foot down and up his bum, and the next moment he was smitten by the light bulb of the realization that THIS IS IT!

>The handsome and loving 2LONG?


If she was crying b/c of this, that would be GOOD.

But I think she's crying b/c of this:

>Herself, because she is an IDIOT???

Again. She's made it all about her.

She needs to grow the zark up. If 2long has waited this long I'd bet she has SOME QUALITY in there that is worth his wait. That quality is not going to be forced out of the fog till she learns there are consequences to her maudlin and self absorbed behavior.

What are the consequences, 2Long? Do you have a line in the sand?

- Kimmy

I dunno folks.

I'm sick of all of this.

ALL.

I know.

I'm sorry 2long.

We're sick of it, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Hmmmmm, in a constructive way, which of you two is being more indecisive?

It's easy to say from a distance, but I say you ought to pull the feeding tube on your marriage. Or get a diagnosis from Bill Frist - then do the opposite.

Else, more limbo, more frustration.

Your pal,
WAT

"Indecision is the key to flexibility."

I'm going 2 steal that!

"Hmmmmm, in a constructive way, which of you two is being more indecisive?"

YES! (how's that for an indecisive answer?).

"It's easy to say from a distance, but I say you ought to pull the feeding tube on your marriage. Or get a diagnosis from Bill Frist - then do the opposite."

Who's Bill Frist (well, I can look it up, I suppose).

The thing is the realization has really hit me yes2rday and 2day. I've been exclusive with my W for 32 years, coming up in April. And now it's over, but we're still doing stuff 2gether, planning the fu2re 2gether (which is just fine, so long as she can keep her friend).

More than it hit me when I made the appointment with the mediator. We're still VERY attached 2 one another. Extremely, in fact. And I feel her making so much effort 2 maintain the attachment - ...so long as she can keep her friend. Real-estate entanglements (thankfully, in several months, we should be out of one of them) family obligation entanglements. More, but I'm just 2 sick of all this 2 go on.

I realize that I really do love my W. But I can't so much as convince her of that (beyond the extent that she already knows and is jake with ...so long as she gets 2 keep her friend)

I realize that my integrity requires that I hold myself 2 the promises I made. And since I'm already doing that with my M, I get back 2 the family support thang, which means stuff like completing the restoration of our home even if we file for DV simultaneously.

I realize a lot of other things, 2.

*I almost sent her the SKM post yes2rday. But I realized that's educating her, and she probably wouldn't read past the first sentence anyway. So, in frustration, I deleted the email before finishing it. Is that CA? I don't think so, but maybe it is. Resignation, I think is more likely. I can't influence her or change her.

*I've thought 2 offer 2 pay for Harley coaching. But if I do, I should just make myself an appointment and tell her about it, and see if she'll participate at all - fully aware that she very likely won't. And then I remember what a collossal waste of time and money it was for me 2 have spent 3 years off and on in IC or individual "marriage coaching".

*I've thought about confronting RM, or exposing 2 his alleged new W. I have his address, email and phone number from the internet, but I don't have hers. I don't even know her name. I don't even know if she exists. And I really don't want 2 so much as acknowledge RM's own existence by contacting him.

I don't think my W is consciously manipulating me. I think she's subconsciously manipulating herslef and perhaps our marriage - by committing herself 2 staying in roundabout ways (like us buying a second house or helping my DD and her H buy a house this year) - so long as she can keep her friend, that is.

I still haven't decided what I'm going 2 do. And neither has she.

Screw all this.

Or we could all just get drunk and do the hokey-pokey...2long could sell tickets to that.

I think the hardest part of reading threads like these when we all care so much is that we feel the pain, and the frustration...and even at times see the humor.

Life's a journey 2long, and I think we can all say that we are proud to be walking with you on yours...regardless of what the outcome or what you decide.

You (and all on this BB) will never, ever walk alone.

Let's be thankful for that, if for nothing else.

She is going to be sorry when you are gone, and I think that is why you are still there. Worried about her, even now.

Okay...

I abolutely must stay off here for a while so I can think things through (and get some much-needed work done!!!).

Days, weeks, months?

Dunno. But I'm gonna went for a while now.

-ol' 2long

OK, but before you go, here's a radical idea for you to ponder.

Propose to her.

Ask her to re-marry you.

You'll do it as a demonstration of your loyalty, even in the face of her reluctance up till now to sever RM for good - but she has to do that.

Out with the old, in with the new. No divorce, but symbolically reset the table.

If you're gonna bide your time anyway, why not?

WAT
--------------
Bill Frist, he thought he could diagnose better,
Makes you wonder who was brain deader.

Change is hard.

2, you have a message ATOP.

((( 2long )))

I do not think that I have ever posted with you. I so feel your pain in that I am in somewhat same sit as my WH has been in a LTA and I too believe that contact is being made.

My predicament is that my WH will not even admit to an A. Just rumblings when he has been drinking but frankly that proves it to me, coupled with concrete evidence.

Anyway -- by any chance is RM in Texas ?? If you do not wish to contact him yourself, or his new W, if there is one and you should be able to find out from online marriage certificates --

I would happily do this contact for you if they are in Texas. You tell me what to say -- and I'll say it !!

Best regards - carnation

WAT:

I shall consider it... ...but even if she said "yes", I'm sure we'd disagree on the "so long as we give a $h!+" clause. ...but even that might make for a productive discussion.

carnation:

He lives in NM. I've never heard of online marriage certificates. Hm...

-ol' 2long

that is an interesting proposal (get the pun?)

[quote][quote]OK, but before you go, here's a radical idea for you to ponder.

Propose to her.

Ask her to re-marry you.

________________________________

Valentine's Day is coming up !!!

If you are concerned about RM marriage, try looking at the county records where it would have taken place. My county has them online. If not.... I do know US Search has everything !!

Best to you, Carnation

2long, if you need "time off," TAKE time off.

VERY recently I have been where you seem to be right now.

I would ask you to promise yourself ONE thing, though, as you wrestle through these thoughts in your mind and the "survivability," "recoverability," and/or "desireability" of continuing the Recovery efforts despite the "onslaught" you are dealing with and the current feelings of "hopelessness."

That one thing is a solemn promise to yourself to make NO permanent, life-changing, decisions for at least 3 measley months.

If you want to talk more, let me know. Man!!! I KNOW how hard this is and the enticement of "ending the struggle."

((((( 2long )))))

2long,
If you want to stay with her, you can. It's a decision you make by default if you don't leave.

I liked the points you made on love with boundaries. I think you can love someone even as you refuse to let them dictate YOUR choices. I think Pep did that with her son, and he has grown so much once he realized he would sink or swim on his own, but it depended upon him.

I can't imagine how it must feel to still wonder. Her indecision doesn't have to mean your indecision. You have choices too.

If you did a balance sheet - the pros, and cons of staying vs leaving, what would it look like?

How are you doing anyway? Still kicking, or just kind of getting by?

How is life from day to day?

SS

FH:

Thanks for that. I appreciate it.

SS:

All I know 2day is that this just hurts 2 much right now.

carnation:

I've never been able 2 get far enough 2 learn anything from those people searches. They all give you a bunch of possibilities, then want you 2 spend money for a real search. Pi$$es me off, because I have no way of knowing whether I'll find anything once I've registered.

-ol' 2long

2long, I don't do hugs often, but for you, I will.

{{{{{{{{{{2long}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry I can't be of more help to you. I know words are pretty useless sometimes.

SS

She called a bit ago.

She asked me how my day is going.

She bought a key lime pie at Marie Chandelier's.

I think she's hurting 2. Heck, I know it.

I just hope it's the beginning of something. ...but only just an eensy bit. I'm pretty jaded now.

-ol' 2long