I know I must sound like a broken record, but I have alot to get off my chest. Tonight I hope I didn't LB with my WH. Anyway, I spoke to him today for the first time in about 4 days. He was suppose to come over and visit the children, but let him tell it there was a problem with the vehicle he is using and it was getting fixed.

By the time it was operable, it was time for him to go to work. How convenient. I got really upset because I offered him a ride when he told me about the problems with the car so he can come, but he refused. He does not want me to know where he is living and anyone else for that matter. When I asked him where he is staying he said why was I worring about his business.

Then he said I told you I am staying with my boy. He is keeping his whereabouts under wraps. I told him he has not seen the children in a month and that he was suppose to be giving me some money for them. I also reminded him how little money he has given me in the three months he has been gone. He stated he know it is all about the money, but I assured him it was not.

I then told him he was spending more time with this OW and act as if he doesn't have time for his children anymore. He got mad and said that I have not changed. I said I have and he said it was not his place to know anyway and went on to say how he has changed. I still don't see any changes he has made and I told him that and also that his changes was not my concern.

He said that he loves his kids and that he is going to do the right thing as far as being a father to them. (yeah right) I also told him he now has to visit the kids at my aunts house. He did not like that very much and said why do I have to go through other people to see my kids? Why can't I just come to the house and see them as I always have? He said OK fine if that is what you want.

I offered him the number to my aunts house and he started pushing the keypad on his phone as if to input the number. I already know that if the number is entered and the send button is not pressed the number will not be saved. If he is only coming to see the children, why would he get so upset that he has to visit them at a different location?

He had the nerve to ask me did his W2's come because his paychecks still have this address on them. I then asked him when was he going to change it. He said I am I was just so busy. I will change it. (he had no intensions on changing his address.) I am getting so tired of this cat and mouse game. He act as if we are just parents to the same children or we are buddies or something. He completely avoid the topic about our marriage. I am sorry I was rambling again.

I would just like some advice from some veterans or anyone else for that matter. How do I proceed? Do I start plan B?
Sorry the post is so long I had alot to get off my chest.

Blondie33

I'm no expert but I'ld say you do plan A as long as you can. When you get to a point where you can't do plan A anymore then you do plan B. There is only so much you can do. The idea is for them to see what there is to love with Plan A. With Plan B you have gotten to a point where you can't keep the love up so you want to leave them with good things to think about at least. Then it is up to them to decide if there is enough love to start building a relationship

Thank you for the advice rb123.

This morning I started thinking about something he said. He claim he has to drop this paperwork off at the office this morning that is located not to far from our home. I called the main office of where he works and the switchboard answered and said the office is only open from 8-5 M-F. I now know he lied again. He is a security officer and said he is working at this marina he sits in the car the entire shift.

I called the marina and it is closed today and I believe the weekend. Why would they have security watching a location that is not even open. Sounds fishy to me. I wonder if he is lying about still having a job? He is one that can only keep a job for maybe 3-4 months at a time. He has either lost his job and don't want me to know it or he is working in an entirely different location and is keeping it from me.

He would usually come by the house to see the kids on the weekend he gets paid. For the last two pay periods he said he was coming and has not shown up yet. He has a pick up and go cell phone that he puts minutes on and he has not put the amount of minutes on it as he usually does when he gets paid. It is cut in half if not more. That is kinda odd as well. Do you think he is now acting strangely because when he left in Nov. 05 he had a job and now he is not doing so well out there?

He is still lying about there being OW. He says he just wants to be to himself and that no one knows where he is staying (his parents, myself,and grandmother etc.) I think it is a bunch of bu*****t! I need some feedback on this one please!!!

Blondie33

Sounds like he is having an affair. There are just too many things that don't add up. Normal people don't hide where they are living from their family. He is probably living with the OW.

I doubt that he has a job.

You need to get some legal help to make sure he lives up to his obligations to the family. See if you can get an attorney to get child support, or go to legal aid. Otherwise your husband will continue acting irresponsibly.

I have already started the process for child support. It is in the hands of the courts to how fast they act. I really do love my husband even with some of his short comings. I am willing to help him through all of this drama. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and our 1 year anniversary is next weekend. Very sad! As you can see we were only married for 9 months when all of this s**t started.

I don't think this OW knows he is married, maybe she does and just don't care. Maybe our age diffence has alot to do with this mess. I am 6 years older then him. He probably has alot of growing up to do, but this is not the time to start acting this irresponsible. I just had our second son a week before he left. He did not leave like most husbands. He walked out the door and never returned leaving all of his belongings behind.

He still does not have any clothes except for an outfit or two or a coat. What type of woman is he dealing with that accept him in this fashion? He was not like that when he was home. Since he has been gone he has not accomplished anything so why do he not want to come home? He had a much better life with the kids and me. The only thing I did was try and push him to do better with his life. What I mean by that is he has so many talents that he is doing nothing with. He seems to be content with the minimum, but complains when things don't go his way.

I only wanted us to build a strong foundation for us, our marriage, and our family to just be comfortable. He always have said that I intimidate him. I guess he feels that way because I earn more money than he does. I didn't look at it that way. I thought what we had was ours. When we had disagreements he would get angry and say this is your house not mine. That is true, but he knew I had the house and the car when he married me so what is the big f*****g deal! It became ours when we married.

I wish I could break up the A, but I can't. I can't breakup something that I can't find or see. When he comes around he covers his tracks very well. What should I do?

My husband is in the mix of an A big time even though I cannot prove it. It makes me so angry for him to deny the enevitable. If he is so happy with what he is doing and who he is doing it with why don't he just admit it and divorce me?

If he doesn't want to be married to me why doesn't he just say it? why do he has a problem with visiting the kids at my aunt house instead of our home? Why all of a sudden for the last few weeks he has not been by to see the kids, but call and ask if he could. He usually bring money for them even if it is not much on those days.

Of course, I have not gotten that either? What in the world is he thinking about? How could he be so content with himself when he is destroying us, our marriage, and our kids? Someone help me please to understand all of this.

Blondie33

I'm so sorry, blondie, for your pain, frustration and anger. You are in a situation that is showing you where your control ends and where others' begins. I'm responding to the questions you asked and hope that you know this is my attempt to be supportive.

I want to concentrate on your questions seperate from his current A.

Have you read the lovebusters? A key part of humans is that we can form disrespectful judgments in our minds and communicate them to others. We are all equal humans. That we do this does not mean we are allowed to do them. They are toxic to relationships and to ourselves.

In your first post where you summarized your conversation with your H, you tried not to disrespect him. Here is where I think you began to falter a bit:

"I told him he has not seen the children in a month and that he was suppose to be giving me some money for them."

You told him what he knows. By telling him what he knows, you are saying that he doesn't know it.

You can tell him your thoughts and feelings, not judgments. "I am afraid you will lose your relationship with our children from not seeing them. I am struggling financially without you. I feel rejected and alone right now, not knowing where you live or how you are doing."

"He stated he know it is all about the money, but I assured him it was not."

"I hear that you believe that all I'm concerned about is money. I understand that is what you believe." Leave it there. You don't have to tell him he's wrong--your job is to ensure he is heard. There is no argument when you repeat what you hear. No conflict.

"I then told him he was spending more time with this OW and act as if he doesn't have time for his children anymore. He got mad and said that I have not changed. I said I have and he said it was not his place to know anyway and went on to say how he has changed."

You telling him what he is doing is disrespectful--that's your judgment of him, which tells him you reject him and his choices--that he isn't meeting your expectations and never will because he'll continually be judged by you. That's why he got angry. You crossed his boundaries. I know it seems extreme of me to ask you to honor a WS's boundaries, but it is very important. This was most likely pre-A also. And I'm not saying all the bad stuff he does to you--just your part. Just what you have the power to truly change and understand.

He will not trust you to change if you don't stop the DJs. You cannot argue with someone about their opinion--it is their opinion (not fact). He might even say, after you've stopped all DJs that you still haven't changed because he feels judged. Change anyway. People can feel stuff when it is no longer being done to them. Like echoes, these wounds take time to heal. They have to do that themselves. Our part is to not continue to inflict injury.

Do you want your family intact, with a loving and healthy marriage? You can have that. I'm proof as are a lot of others. I DJ'd all over the place. You're not defective or wrong...you were ignorant of the kind of damage this frame of mind and communication does.

You can vent here, but know that your perspective comes through:

"It makes me so angry for him to deny the enevitable."

This says that situations make you angry, not people crossing your boundaries. You judge him so happy, but I doubt that is his truth. Your judgment.

Ease yourself out of trying to mindread and assume. That kicks your own butt. Tell yourself you can listen to know. That's it. You can ask for help from your family to get proof on his whereabouts and the affair. Since you're finding out about child support, a sheriff might be able to track him down for service.

Blondie, "He probably has alot of growing up to do, but this is not the time to start acting this irresponsible." this will drive a person into the ground. Mothering him, regardless of age difference, is not a good marital technique. There is never a time to have an affair or abandon your family. However, for those of us where that is what exactly happened, we discovered a lot about ourselves, where our control ends, our selfish demands, our angry outbursts, expectations and where we caused a lot of our own pain.

If you will give yourself permission to disrespectfully judge others, then you are also doing it to yourself. When you stop it outwardly, stop it inwardly.

Asking why won't he file for divorce would be the same as asking you...because you want to save your marriage? Because he doesn't really want to lose you, just lose the pain he's in?

LA

Blondie, Are you sure we aren't married to the same WH?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />



Me too. I pushed & pushed which actually pushed him to want to run away from me. Now he tells me that change was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard that he would think he didn't want to do it EVEN THOUGH he knew I was the best thing for him. He broke up with me once (during dating) after cheating on me numerous times (looking for someone else to replace me) because he didn't want to change. After breaking up, he ended up getting drunk out of his head knowing that NO ONE else made him feel the way I did. I thought that was it, but, even after that, he still had the hardest time changing. So, after marriage, he problem wasn't over. He ended up seeing OW that was a H.S. dropout, with no future, druggie parents living with her, 2 kids from 2 men all at age 23. So, he found someone that looked UP to him - who admired him and that he didn't have to change for her.



Another one for me. I graduated college while he is a H.S. dropout. I make the money while he drifts from one job to the next. I take care of everything while he is irresponsible.

What makes this problem even worse is that we have discovered through his infidelity that he is Passive-Aggressive. This makes logical thinking nearly impossible. A Passive-Aggressive will sabatoge good things in their own life to be in control.

But, now that he recognizes what was causing him to be this way, it's a way to start building something new. Although, the greatest impact has come from him being saved. He now realizes that as a H, he needs to lead the household & be the H I need. He's working to improve himself now & take responsibility for himself where he wasn't before.

Read this thread on it because your WH sounds like he has it. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Also, I should add that the reason my FWH wanted to leave me was that he said I was too controlling. We had many fights about it before PA happened when I would ask him, "When someone is left with all the responsibility, does that not also give them the control? If you want more control, don't you need to become more responsible?" Of course, he didn't hear this & saw himself as the victim of our M when in fact, he was the one victimizing me.

My guess is PLAN A him to death. It is likely that this fog he lives in makes him feel entitled to do what he is doing because you are "too controlling" or as my H said to the OW "we drifted apart". The truth was he separated himself from me while I thought we were closer then ever, he was in the midst of the A. IF he is P/A, plan A will work on him if you can find a way to do that.

Maybe you can invite him over for dinner with you & the kids (no strings) where you look your best & be sweet as pie. Don't mention money at all. That WILL have an impact if he's like my FWH. Make EVERY interaction very pleasant - like the grass is greener at home because a P/A will be attracted to whatever is greener & easier.

Ok I am new and this is clearly something that has been on going and I don't know the whole story. From that post however this man is a LOSER, I am sure you can do better. If child support is an issue get a lawyer they will garnish his wages he HAS to pay. You may have loved him or think you still do but is this someone you want, doesn't want to say where exactly he is living, do you want a partner who is cold and aloof? Make a clean break he lost big time, if you are upset now don't let him see it. Get a lawyer b/c he does have to pay child support, encourage him to have a relationship with his children if he is too busy(a.k.a too much of an a s s h o l e) then he isn't fit too be a parent and your kids are better off. Move on! It sounds harsh but better now than later.

bride2be,

You know, I think BEFORE you get married, you see things in black & white. I know I did. I had an idealistic perspective that my M would be different. Unfortunately, I ended up here. But, once a person has made the commitment to their M, for better or worse, then when a crisis like this hits, it puts you to the test of whether you will keep your commitment. Even if YOU believe this man is a LOSER, blondie chose to marry him so should she just give up like that without a fight? If she does, it is likely that she could repeat this with another man.

My mother did this very thing. My father was controlling & verbally abusive. He cheated & left her. So, then she married another controlling & angry man until she got sick of that & divorced him. Now, she lives with controlling man #3 (since I begged her not to marry him). The mistake my mother made is not working on herself to see what changes she needed to make in order to keep her marriage in tact. This is something to take very seriously. I know I have.

I've been so distraught through this process that I've told my FWH to leave, get out, I want a divorce..... But, when I come to my senses, he says "Do you want to lose all the work you've put into me & let some other woman have the benefit of all your work?" Of course, the answer is NO!!! My FWH was that "LOSER", but is now changing into a wonderful, Godly man.

It is easy from the outside perspective to tell Blondie to dump him, but when you have children, it is for their best interest that she do everything she can FIRST to save her marriage before putting her children through a divorce where their lives will never be the same.

I hope, bride2be, that you read His Needs, Her Needs & read up on this site so you won't have to be here later after years of marriage. You're lucky to find this site early.

Thank you all for your support and advice. Lovinganyway you are so right. I engaged myself in some major DJ's. I reacted out of anger instead of using my head. I have to work on that more. I guess it just angered me because in his eyes he is doing nothing wrong.

How could he be so blind to see the betrayal and heart he is causing? Do he not care or just doesn't have a heart? How could hw live with himself or sleep well knowing he is having an A? What does he expect to gain from all of this? Sorry, I just have so many unaswered questions brewing inside of my mind.

I tried to ask him questions about his feeling towards the marriage and I get mixed signal. One minute he says he think our M is worth saving then he would say he is not ready, to I don't know what I want Blah Blah Blah! In my opinion if he is having an A, he must already know what he wants right? When is he going to wake up and realize that he has a W that loves him and want to make the marriage work and children who also love him?

Why is he so willing to give it all up for another woman whom he probably know nothing about? Sorry, I am rambling again. Would really like more feedback on this. Again, I would also like to say thank you to everyone who has responded to this post. It means alot to know someone understand my hurt and pain and is there to help me walk through it.

Blondie33

Blondie,

We all asked ourselves those same questions--how can/could he? You're not alone. You believed in your H far more than he believed in himself.

See, affairs are about distractions--that is why they look and feel like addictions. Think back. How did your H handle conflict, or what looked like conflict to him, before the A? How does he self soothe? How did he deal with loss or disappointment?

Can you see where the lines between integrity and getting by blur? I couldn't get to integrity until I'd gone through every distraction I could find. He isn't where you are, that place of one who owns their actions, sees the cause and effect and chooses. The only choice looks to be running away from pain.

His own pain. I didn't mean to say you're putting him there, in pain. He has it and most likely has had it all his life. Coping skills are not living skills. You can't cause, control or cure him. What you can do with your eyes wide open is see where you are feeling driven to love bust and stop yourself. For your own integrity.

The very idea that he has a W willing to love him anyway, go through recovery, meet his needs when he is so inadequate, undeserving, an adulterer and a mess...well, why wake up to that? Especially if guilt is his guiding emotion? You can't wake him up. Sleep can be a distraction. See, you can love someone immensely, but the fact remains, if they can't feel loved, they can't. Their own journey. You choose to continue loving.

He doesn't want to give up anything for OW. He wants a clean slate, someone safe by default--someone who doesn't know he is damaging and inadequate. He might believe that you make him feel inadequate, OW doesn't, so there in lies a cure. It isn't, Blondie. Total fantasy. Irony, of course, is that her admiration and appreciation of him and feeling safe with him when he is capable of destroying an entire family. See how ludicrous it is?

Apology unnecessary for rambling here. However, paragraphs appreciated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Accept that your WH does not think like you, believe like or is like you. He's a seperate human being. Accept him and that he feels these needs. Plan A is about digging up reasonable and accurate admiration, affection, attention for someone who doesn't feel safe, feels attacked, less than, a burden, a mess all over you, a wife too good for him.

Well, that could be the case. He can have a lot of stored resentments from attempting to live up to your image of him. Anger. Frustration. Having to feel false. You didn't MAKE him feel this way, but you had a part in the way you allowed yourself expectations, DJs, all in the tremendous effort to get what you needed out of him.

Acceptance does not mean that you embrace and celebrate a WS. Just a human who cannot tell you the truth for all the lies he believes himself.

Be safe for him. For yourself. You can do this. Your own resentments are worth looking at--their creation, how they feed you, where they give you permission to DJ; how they make you feel.

Lots of good stuff here for you, Blondie. So glad to meet you.

LA

LA, thank you for that. I really need to hear it. Like I said I am working on the LBing. It is easier said than done. I can do it though no matter how hard it gets. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting a battle that cannot be won. I say that because it is hard to fight for someone or something you don't see until they want to be seen.

My husband has always handled conflict by running away. If you said something he did not want to hear he ran out. He becomes very withdrawn when he is disappointed or at a loss about something. He usually soothes himself by getting stoned.

At least most of the people on this forum know how to get in contact with their WS if they needed to. I can't, he either does not have minutes on his phone or don't answer it. I got fedup with it that I stopped calling. He recognized that I stopped and made a comment like "I see you have not been calling me and everything".

Why would he care if I called or not? When I was trying he ignored me at all costs. That really hurted me alot and still do. I guess I am so emotional right now because our anniversary is this Saturday. I know he is not going to acknowledge it at all.

The other day when I spoke to him he said "I don't get a hi how are you or are you doing alright". Before I could answer he said "that's alright". I thought I was not suppose to worry about him and his business. That is what he says. Strang isn't it?

Glad to meet you too LA!

Blondie33

"I say that because it is hard to fight for someone or something you don't see until they want to be seen."

Dear Blondie...you're fighting for yourself by stopping the lovebusters. Correct me if I missed what you meant.

One thing I've learned about conflict avoiders...by running out when they get uncomfortable or frustrated, they believe they are leaving their pain behind--mostly, because the feel the pain is caused by someone else to them. In the running away is a lie to their self...a critical lie that substantiates that running away works, when it doesn't. They feel safer and more in control for walking out. Their emotions are trained to drain out the uncomfortable, frustration, etc. But they are still there. Same with getting stoned, zoning out on movies, television, computer games...you name it. A million ways to medicate. Only it is a temporary fix. The emotions remain.

It is honesty that is too difficult to feel. This is where you come in. What I was telling you about "I feel" and "I believe" statements takes a lot of the threat out of conversation. You emphasize this is just you--not what he's making you feel/think/be. The safer you become, the less CA's run. Not that you're controlling it--they have to allow themselves to feel safe, too. Just your part.

You contacting him may not be the right choice. Him contacting you might be. He runs from pressure, from inadequacy, from guilt, shame and blame. You can't control his feelings. You are only responsible for yours.

"I see you have not been calling me and everything".

What did he mean, did you ask? Try to cut out all assumptions because you know him so well. Treat him fresh. "How did you feel when I stopped calling?" Calmly, no accusation, just good ol' curiosity.

What I would love to help you do is seperate the pain he is handing you and what you are handing to yourself. It won't erase your pain, but it brings it down because it all feels likes it is being done to you. Here is where I see something:

"Why would he care if I called or not? When I was trying he ignored me at all costs. That really hurted me alot and still do. I guess I am so emotional right now because our anniversary is this Saturday. I know he is not going to acknowledge it at all. "

You don't know why or if he cared that you didn't call. You don't know. Unless you ask, do not allow yourself to assume or mindread. This is a crazymaking step you take, not him. So many marriage fall into that finishing each other sentences and mindreading. It's toxic. No respect. Boxed in and locked down.

Give yourself a reprieve to not know what he is thinking or feeling--that will let your fear of the unknown go a little nuts. Let it. You don't know what is in store today, this afternoon or tomorrow morining, let alone months or years down the line. None of us know. Every moment but this one is unknown. Uncontrollable. It is the reality of our lives though we keep trying to strangle the future today to make it speak. What may be in store has equal odds of greatness and tragedy. You can up the odds to the positive outcome by focusing on yourself, who you are, who you are without him and with him and find out why you can be okay no matter what.

Don't jump ahead even to Saturday. Don't add that pain into yourself in this minute because the truth is, you don't know. Can't know. You can hope, fantasize, despair or assume, but you can't know. That's the part where you can lower your pain. Stay present.

Yes, you are feeling a lot emotions tied up with the past year, the present and your fear of the future. And you're feeling them all at once because your mind is taking you all those places. I understand. Been there, done that, sometimes still slip and get caught up in it.

Your key is perspective. Getting a solid one, based in reality and not in fear, anger or another emotion. Your truth. You are going to feel what you feel. They are just feelings. Your beliefs are what you can change to change what emotions you keep handing yourself.

""I don't get a hi how are you or are you doing alright"."

Answer, "You're saying you would like me to be concerned about how you are doing, is that correct?" "Are you asking if I am concerned or that you would appreciate me extending you that courtesy?"

""that's alright". "

"So you're saying you are okay with me not showing my concern, or not being concerned about my H?"

These aren't arguments--just clarification and they REEK of respect. Calm, interested, without judgment, assumptions, baiting or mindreading. Clarity. Lack of clarity is driving you nuts. You need clarity to see truth and now the truth is all blurry. That can make you a tad crazy, eh?

You control your own clarity. Ask to understand, wait to be understood. WS are foggy, you can't bank on them saying mind your own business anymore than you can count on them needing your concern and interest. Handing them back their words adds to your own clarity and echoes what they are saying.

You can do this. You're not crazy, alone or in a spot that is unresolvable. You're just here, now. And here isn't a bad place, I think.

LA

Can I make a suggestion? I really think you need to go NC with him. Number 1 it gives you the space to start personal healing and to ready yourself for a possible divorce. Number 2 it gives him a reality check, 'this is how its going to be if I don't get my $hit together'. I think number 1 is way more important, you need to put yourself first and to get yourself organized.

I belive n/c would be a great idea at this point.I more than likely need this time to adjust my life to possibly being divorced. He does not seem that interested in saving our marriage at this point. Besides, how can I work on fixing it when he doesn't come around that often? Why does he dislike the idea of visiting the kids at my aunt's house? He has not seen them in a month anyway. He probably would like the n/c idea because he can use it as an excuse to not work on fixing our marriage. If he has been gone this long, doesn't that give him the idea of what it would be like without me?

Blondie33

I am feeling a bit low today. Tomorrow is my anniversary and I know I will spend it alone. Sometimes I feel like I should just take my loses and file for the divorce. I think I would be easier that way. What is the use of holding on to something that seem to be destroyed?

Again it is hard to fight a battle alone especially when you don't have a clue to your WS whereabouts and he doesn't call or come over very much. Even though most of us on this site are experiencing problems with our M, you know where to find him/her in case of an emergency or just to talk to them about your problems. I don't have that option.

My WS walked out on our kids (we have 2 sons one which was born 5 days before he left and I have 3 kids of my own) and me without a hint of knowing he was going to do so. He left to go visit a friend and never returned. He left all of his belongings behind. That was the most coldest way to do something like that. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for it.

I tried to call him on his cell today and he did not answer it even though it was turned on. I tried calling him later and he sent my call to voicemail. I hate he have to be that way. If he does not want me to call, why don't he just tell me that instead of acting like a child and playing phone games?

I know most of you don't respond to a post unless it seems interesting or something. I am not here for pleasure. I am here for support which is what this forum is suppose to be about. I expressed my thoughts and feeling on here anyway just to get them off my chest.I hope Sunday will be a better day. Tomorrow sure won't be.

Blondie33

Blondie...

Reading your posts. Knowing your thoughts. They don't have to get a response because you're giving yourself a gift. Receive it. Keep doing it.

You can talk to us about your problems. I didn't get to talk to my H, either...unless I wanted to hear the OW's voice first. I got the shut out, too, but only for a month...and his son couldn't contact him either. I got a taste--you've had a gutful. No comparison.

When I talked to you about DJs...well, it wasn't to dun you, but to ease your pain. Our DJs may give us a slight feeling of sanity and knowledge, but they deflate us inside far more. If we do it to others you can bet we're doing it to ourselves.

I'll hold you in my thoughts tomorrow, giving you the gift that you're in this place, right now, for a very special reason. Only you can find that reason. It is a present you open. I'm a lousy wrapper, so don't hold it against me, 'k?

My gratitude to you for expressing your thoughts and feelings. You're heard.

LA

Blondie,

My wh plays the same game of not anwering his cell and that is the only phone he has. I guess since I am now going on 2 yrs of this bs life I have become less emotional and more self sufficent. My thought process on emergencies is I will leave him a vm or tm and I've done my duty.

I do try to keep my wh connected with my kids by leaving him
LIGHT messages about the cute things they did. The important thing to do is convey the message that life goes on without them -- they notice.

My huge mistake was never doing a plan b. Get a handle on your lbs and djs --
plan A until he notices that your life will go on very nicely with or without him and them Plan B.

tdr