OW gave WH until the end of February to make a decision.
he told me yesterday that she is pushing him to file for divorce "as a sign of goodwill".
he also stopped the SF with me because "he promised he'd remain faithful to her". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
(last week she gave xOM a BJ in the parking lot garage, so there are trust issues on both sides. she has since written xOM a NC letter.)

WH said that he wouldn't mind if i contest the divorce (and extend the time by a couple of months).
he's taking some of the computer inventory over to her house with him to see if she can tolerate the mess. i hope she LB's him bigtime. she's a clean freak.
he's a Conflict Avoider...he's still hoping she kicks him out...possibly by the end of February.
he wants me to write him a Love Letter today and give it to him tomorrow. he's hoping it can make a difference & change his mind.

is it time to go to Plan B now? if so, how?
cgwife

Hmmmm. I think I would wait this one out. It sounds like OW is doing a good job of love-busting all on her own.

how about just not calling him as much as i usually do (2-3 times a week).
he keeps saying "it's not over yet", but that doesn't mean he really wants to come back...

I think that would be good. Also are you getting on with having a good life? That is very important too, so that he gets the feeling that you are not just pining away, waiting for him to make up his mind.

It sounds like your husband is quite attached to you (wanting you to write a love letter??????) It also sounds like the OW will hang herself. I would encourage your husband to take all of his junk over to her house.

He has got to be having second thoughts - he's being "faithful" and she's in the parking lot garage passing out BJ's??????? My goodness.

thanks, believer,
yes, he was furious when he found out. but at the same time he felt guilty having SF with me (my reverse babble was "but you're SUPPOSED to be sleeping with me! i'm your wife!).
yes, i'm encouraging him to take LOTS of stuff over there.
hopefully this will drive her over the edge.

Oh, many of them feel guilty having sex with their spouse. Somehow they get the sudden urge to be "faithful" to the other cheater.

Try to stay out of the triangle. Don't write love letters, don't criticize the OW. Be sure not to call her a tramp. That will just add fuel to the fire, and he will side with the tramp.

In the mean time, get busy making a nice life for yourself. I'm sure your husband will come back, and hopefully you will still want him.

why no love letter?
i've already promised to write it.
wouldn't that be a Love Bank deposit?

Is he planning on showing it to the OW to continue the drama?

at first, yes. to make her jealous.
then after he thought about it, he said no, he wouldn't.
what do you think?
if not, how do i "take back my promise"?

I think he wants it to show it to the OW. I would back out of your promise. Tell him that you love him and it is too personal to write about while he is with OW.

Basically you need to step out of the triangle. Let them continue their drama alone. Spend your time and effort making your life better.

he sounds sincere in that he really wants it to make a difference. he does have feelings for me and wants to believe that i do love him. (he thought that when he left that i wouldn't care).

Well now he knows that you do care. Use your judgement, but I feel the letter is just playing into all of the drama.

What are you doing to make a nice life for yourself?

my IC has me working on the "10 Pillars of a Balanced Life". she's also a Life Coach and uses this to help clients set goals and find fulfillment in their lives.
(professional, financial, physical, spiritual, social, intimacy, family, learning/growth, home/environment, play/fun).

What are you doing to make a nice life for yourself?
not much lately. will work on that.
i make plans to do things with people, but don't always follow thru. lately, this has been wearing on me so that i go to bed early, just to escape the pain. i have upped my AD this week because of that.
maybe by detaching myself, it'll be easier. but how do i Plan A and stay detached?

Plan A is much easier when you are detached. By detached I mean not hanging on his every word and action, not depending on him meeting your needs, and realizing that you don't have the power to change him.

You can change yourself, and then hopefully he will follow.