Quick summary of my situation, and then I have a relatively urgent question...

He's the WH (29), I'm the BW (26). We have a 6 month old baby. He started cheating on me when I was 8 or 9 months pregnant. It appears he basically had a breakdown because he was freaking out over the baby and there just happened to be a female "friend" waiting in the wings to comfort him while I was otherwise occupied giving birth.

Things fell apart 9/16/05, but it wasn't until 1/1/06 that I found out what was truly going on, after a gut wrenching few months. I am now at my mom's (because living at home was unbearable and I needed help with my newborn baby that I wasn't getting at home). He's been staying in the house, still seeing the OW, and she has been spending a lot of time there. Ugh!

We talked about reconciling over the New Year's weekend, but he decided he just couldn't handle the work it would take to fix our M right now and called OW IMMEDIATELY when he got home from seeing me. He is truly addicted.

Last night we had a great, fun evening together with the baby. At the end, he cried, said he was so sorry, and hugged me for a long time. He said he was confused. We sat there together for a long time, not talking, and he just kept staring at me with "that look" and at the baby.

I have worked really hard to try to toughen myself up toward him so that the repeated pain would stop. I've been to see a lawyer and am at the brink of filing. Still, deep down I feel I owe it to my baby daughter to try to reconcile if there is any hope there.

My question: do I call him today while the fog is relatively thin? Or do I let him make a move if he wants to, considering the fact I have put myself out there and gotten rejected about 140,000 times over the last few months? I figure by the time I see him again (Wednesday), he will have gone back to work at his very stressful job and will probably see/contact OW again. The fog will thicken again.

At the same time, I don't want to make the effort, open myself up again, and push him further away.

Any opinions? I don't even know what I would say...

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

Does he work with the other woman?

Can you call and ask him to come for dinner? If where you live is not cold, maybe you could invite him to go with you and the baby to a park or the zoo.

Have you exposed the affair?

Are you familiar with plan A/Plan B?

Have you read surviving an affair?

NewMom-

Yeah, we need a little more background info.

As far as the fog lifting thing.....those are VERY momentary.

What you saw is your WH feeling guilty.......

Give us some more info, and we'll try to help you.

God Bless,

-Caren

Three words: Get an attorney. Even if you don't divorce you have a child to consider. You have to put the the real baby before the big baby. Good luck, you sound like a sweety and I am sorry your husband is acting this way. As for the OW, just remember what goes around comes around. I suggest you tell you husband about A-Rod the baseball player and his father. His father walked out when he was nine and did not see him again until he was a million dollar prospect. He has been trying to get back into his sons life ever since. Ask him if he wants to be in that situation? Then suggest some counseling to deal with his fears. Good luck.

EXPOSURE...

find CARROT AND STICK OF PLAN A.

and if the man's not taking care of finances or trying to be a responsible father an attorney wouldn't hurt.

EXPOSE THE AFFAIR. don't let it live. force the light to shine down on the dirtiness. let the whole world see the sin.

and emailing your wh the story of Arod woudn't hurt either.