No, I am going tomorrow for a consulation.

But hey, I havent spoke About our issues with her and that is seeming to keep both our spirits up. She went to bed happy, woke up happy. That makes me very happy. Thats all I can ask for. Whether we work out or not, I am trying to show her a different me through Baby Steps. I understand what you are saying about Honeymoon phase and it does ring true. We all know that the little gifts will slow down but its the little things that mean a lot. The things I got her show that I have paid attention to her likes. I am making up for my past and in doing so doing small things to let her know I care. Even our communications are good. I am paying attention to what she is saying instead of trying to listen to her and really not paying attention. I am doing my best to be a better person. Showing her the respect she deserves.

Finally Conclusion and an end to the madness.

Last night we spoke on the phone for a few hours. We talked about the past but more importantly the future. She told me she Loves Me and wants us to work. She told me she really liked the new ME and I do to. Nothing happens overnight but the knowledge I have learned and realization of the issues I had helped us get to this point. I can not thank all of you enough for the help and guidance. If I would not have had this site, I dont think we would of had a chance. I cannot thank you enough. We made sweet love this morning and for once in a long time, I felt her LOVE. I am going to surprise her and book our travel to Orlando for the Marriage Builders Weekend. I can not wait.

Thanks again and Wow, I feel incredible. What a terrible week. We have now overcome the hardest of times and feel secure about our future. I love this woman with all my heart and will show her every day. Not just with words but actions as well. I will come back from time to time and let you know how we are doing.

I hope 1 person learns from my mistakes. Love your spouse and Show them you genuinly care. I was very lucky to have this chance and excited about the future.

Ok, so first night "back". I worked all day catching up on work which went great. My wife called me about 9:30 and asked if minded if she went to get something to eat with a couple coworkers (The Girls). No Problem,Have a good time. Although I would have thought that since things were on the up and up she would want to spend time with her hubby. You have to eat, lol. So i really had no problem whatsoever. I called her about 11:30 to check status. She said probally another hour and a half. This was a little uneasy but still I maintained my cool. She took to the defensive but not like the past. We both had a valid issues. She came home about 12:45 and was not very happy. I went to get something to eat myself at my fathers business and returned about 1:15. We talked and there was no voisturous opinions. I wanted her to meet my Emotional Needs and at the same I wanted to meet hers. My wife is not an "Out Girl" but this hurt my feelings a little bit. Like I said, I have been home all day and night slaving away while attending to our kids and wanted her company. I don't look somewhere else, my wife, my love and my friend surprised me by making no big deal of going out for more than just a "Bite to Eat". She works a lot so there is just little time to spend QT together.

My Message to her were as such
"I am not giving you a hard time. I expected dinner quicker than 3-4 hours. I would also think with all we have been through you would want to be here with me. I should be able to express my feelings no matter what and you the same. Am I really a jerk for that?"

She replied with:
"No but seems like same situation. I feel relieved to be hanging out with the girls. Thats all."

I Replied with:
I agree. Just would think I would be in the future equation. Not mad at all just doesnt seem fairand a bit upsetting that my wife doesnt have similar wants. I really was fine with dinner, no worries which is a step. We just have different desires sadly. Nobody's fault just life. Enjoy Your company. See you soon."

She replied with.
"I don't want to feel rushed or stressed"

I replied with.
Its not like that just thought you would be excited to spend some happy time with the hubby. Silly me I guess? We have been through a lot for a long time. I have no problems with you out with the girls just thought it was a "bite to eat". Thats all."

Anyway, to prove that I think I can be better.
I did not feel the urge to bug her all night. I handled the issue without arguing. She raised her voice some but I maintained. We spoke together and went to bed happy. I just feel like the "Little old wife" not having any hubby/wife time. It's a two way street and it's going to take work. All I wanted was to be able to spend time after all we have been through and communicate. It's hard to let her know how i feel but I do. She is short tempered and sometimes unable to look at the other side. I perfectly understood her wants she paid no attention to mine, IMO. I miss being wanted, needed and loved. We just seem to have different goals. We are indeed two different people. What should I do differently? Am I wrong? I feel bad for having my issues but on the other hand I think I am right. It was our First Night and her time is hard to get in a capacity other than in passing. Take what I can get? That just doesnt seem to work. When we talked the other night we really came from the heart and I feel like I am the only one trying. I can I be a better person and hubby alone?

What do you'll think? Am I out of line? I look forward to what you'll think.

By the way, this is me.

Seems like you just got tested on your changes...and didn't pass it with an "A".

She sounds like she's worried your changes aren't for real. Won't stay that way for the long haul. Will put your wants, needs and desires ahead of hers. You said as much. You said she failed your expectation, which didn't voice, and that you assumed what you wanted without clarifying if it was the truth. You took a "bite to eat" as a certain time frame. Then you checked in on her.

Was this your pattern before? Assuming, not asking, listening without communicating your perspective and then she is at fault for failing your expectation?

You're home, but are you still working on you? You're not wrong, but you aren't right, either. You're in between. You want to get to the good stuff, all your dreams come true, right now. She wants proof of security for change. She wants real love in return. Taking what you can get doesn't sound healthy. Giving yourself what you need just might.

LA

I am not sure it was a test but more of a coincidence.

I know now that I made too big of a deal on it. But the difference this time from last was we maintained peace and talked. We both understood each other. I am still fragile from an awful week which I am sure she is too. We spent the entire morning and into the afternoon at home together. Though she was doing her stuff and I was doing some catchup on work we helped each other through the day. It was great.

Some time ago an older friend of mine told me to tell my wife every day "Have I told you how much I Love and Appreciate you today". It's cute and when I was told that by my friend I didnt have the feelings I now have for my wife, or I did but just didnt care??. She knew about this statement and today I told her it. This time I meant it. What a great fealing! When I told her that, she acted as if it was the sweetest thing that I remembered that and that she really believed me.

I know and want to be better and I think I have been. She talks and now I genuinly listen because I do care. I didnt care two weeks ago but now after almost losing her, i do care.

I am enrolling us in the Marriage Workshop in the Late April in Orlando. I am excited and think it will be great for us. Have any experience with it?

I have to learn how to be more patient through this process. This forum is really helping me. I hope its ok but i feel this is like my journal.

Before she left for work she told me "I love You" and see you soon along with a sweet kiss. I loved hearing that.

-sorry deleted, wrong thread

Read 'How to win your wife Back' by Gary Smalley.
It has excellent practical advice that if followed will help greatly in winning her back.
God's blessing.

OK, here's some thoughts from a wife married (rather imperfectly) for nearly 20 years.

It seems a common pattern (at least in my own marriage) that when the hubby "blows it" that his way of "winning me back" is to give an apology, flowers, etc., but actually he does NOT change the behavior itself.

After awhile, the apologies, sweet words, and flowers (chocolates, etc.) become a bit meaningless.

What I'm guessing your wife wants to see (based on what I want to see in my own marriage) is a change in the behavior itself. This means get into counseling NOW (on your own if necessary) and admitting fully to your wife, not just that you blew it, but what spefically you did wrong, and what steps you are taking now to ensure that you don't repeat the pattern.

At the end of the day, it's going to take time to prove yourself. Old habits don't die easily.

Another thing occurs to me -- you and your wife are both working hard, but she's out with other people on her job, and you're home all day by yourself. It seems you've put the whole burden on your wife to meet your social needs, and maybe you're smothering her a bit too much. And then you feel hurt when she's "not there" for you. Some of your social needs can be met in other ways -- through church, through male buddies, etc. Just a thought. I'm not a counselor, and I certainly don't have my own act together.

Couple of things..

1) Purchase the book: The 5 Love Languages - read it and learn her love language then speak it. It will change your life/relationship

2) Purchase and study Dr Gary Smalley's new book: The DNA of Relationships - will also change your life.

3) Reading through this entire thread .. I .. well.. sort of got scared some. (FYI I'm a 30's male.) You seem bordering obsessed. She kept hinting/telling you she needed space but you kept pursuing - that scares most women off completely. If you guys are back together, then go to a Marriage seminar there in o'ville and get help - but if ya'll are seperated still - give her some space; stop calling, writing, etc and move on.

Faithor

Hello guys, I wanted to update you on my Roller Coaster ride.

I feel like I am dealing with two personalities. My wife and I have been back and forth. Games, Games, Games. When I dont call her or act like I want her, she comes to me. Why do I need to play the games in order to get her. My wife has been staying with her mother and in hotels. I put our house up for sale the other day and am moving forward with seperation. I have also poured my heart to her, totally open hoping she would realize what she is doing to our family and what I want to do to be a better husband. Her replies are rude.

Two days ago, I did not call her. She came home in the morning telling me she missed me and kissed & hugged me. I gave in thinking she realized and as soon as I gave in she walked all over me.

Last night, I was sitting in my office with my brother telling him I want to call her. He said not to, playing the game. All of the sudden, I get a "Gd Night" on my phone. I waited about 10 minutes and replied "Sleep Well". Hour later, i get "Did u watch Sopranos". I did nothing. She sent it again 10 minutes later, obviously reaching out. I replied, "Yes, Gd Night (her name)". I than get a text message "I was just wondering. Damn. Sooooorryyyy! I didnt see it, Peace". I replied with "I am tired of dealing with two personalities. Not Trying to be mean. I am tired of thinking and don't want to say no more. Night Night".

I hate to play these games but this is what I have to do, IMO. My wife is stubborn. I have tried the upfront and honest way but get no where but heartache. Everytime I am away emotionally and physically, she is there. When I am honest and loving, she turns on me.

My wife takes a medication "Adderall" that IMO has ruined us. She is addicted and takes double her prescription. This drug is an amphetamine. In the morning she is happy, like a crack head taking that first hit. By sun down she is another person. When she is at work, she is another rude person. She is being rebellious as if she is having a middle aged crisis at 27. She went and got a tatoo, Little dresses, hair colored, etc. It's quite crazy.

WHat do you'll think of this nonsence.