Hi everyone,
A couple of weeks ago my nephew was at a party I hosted and he has always been very genial and friendly - found him to be withdrawn and very moody - actually snapped at me about something - very unlike him. I kept asking my family what was wrong with him and to two different people I said out loud I wondered if he was having an affair - just reminded me of how my ex acted during his affair time. Both times I got I don't think so answers until yesterday.
I was told that he was having an affair with someone he works with - it's an extra job in a local restaurant and it's with the owners wife. He is married with two small boys and it just makes me sick to think he is doing this. He was very close with my ex and was devastated when he had his affair and we split. I don't know if his mother - my sister knows or if his wife knows. I have no concrete evidence just what I've been told. What do I do???????

Do you and your sister have a tenuous relationship?

If yes, then perhaps you should place what you heard in a concise letter to her that you post here for advice.

If no, tell your sister what you heard and that you have no concrete evidence but that you pray you are mistaken. Allow her to follow up on it or not. Allow her to be a proper parent and tend to her family. Encourage her to do the right thing and not enable her son's behavior no matter what the consequences.

If exposing to her seems impossible and your sister and her son are estranged perhaps consider confronting your nephew. If you know...it's only a matter of time before his wife finds out. If you glean from your meeting that your suspicions are true you tell his wife of your suspicions. I am supposing you should not warn nephew that you intend to expose him....just do it. Forewarned is forearmed....he'll portray you as crazy to his wife before you get the chance to expose.

Meddling in others affairs is taboo but so is infidelity. This may have significant ramnifications for your family but if you say nothing you are unwittingly participating in the betrayal. You must stand up for what is right even if others will punish you for doing so. I don't envy your position.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for the Reply Mr. Wondering - I was beginning to think I wasn't going to get one. I have a wonderful relationship with my sister and want to keep it that way - we are a large but close knit family. Someone said they thought his wife knew and I kind of watched them on Sunday - my great nephew was christened and she had her hand on his leg and he had his hands folded - and kind of ignored her - I really wanted to slap him - but controlled myself.
I will think about this and if I decide to write a letter I will definately post it here - can I do an anonymous letter? I know I'm being chicken but I just don't want to lose my sister. Do I wait until I know for a fact - of course I don't know how I would find that out either. What a mess.

I would also talk to your niece. Probably the best approach would be, without saying anything of your suspicions, to simply share your experience, what you went through, what your WH was like, etc.

The poor thing probably thinks she is going crazy, that it is all her fault, & can't even eat. Maybe she will blow you off, but you just might give her her sanity back.

Then send her here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

thanks' for you response - I know what I need to do - it's just doing it that is going to be hard - I will take care of it - my heart aches for her. But sending her here is a great idea.