What I would like to know is how a spouse can just walk away from a marriage as if it were nothing? How do they just pick up and leave for someone new and better? I am really struggling with this question. My STBWH met somebody new and wanted out of the marriage immediately. Haven't heard from him since! Anybody else have this happen?

Pick me! My STBXH left me and moved in with OW, in our motorhome, when our daughter was 6 wks old! Plus our son was 1.5 yrs old!

I asked several times if he would come home in the beginning, (before I found out about OW)...that was in Sept. I haven't talked to him since.

I don't know how anyone can do that...but many do... I hope your doing okay, it is tough!

Not better but New, and beleave me if you don't have to talk to him then don't. I shouldn't say that but my ex had to tell me how and in what part of his life she was better at. It dont leave you with a lot of self esteem. He didnt even know how distructive that was to me. He wanted the divorce as fast as he could to. I will never understand how someone can just leave and never look back and not care but it happens all the time. I still cry alot and asking why, what if, and what is he doing now and with who etc..... will eat you up inside and somedays I can't do any thing to stop asking but then there are moments that I just say to my self dont do this to your self what ever I was or what ever I was not I did not deserve to be cheated on, and all my hopes and dreams, my home, my insurance, my life, every thing taken away form me due to some tramp rubbing him the right way. never mind I not going there any more. If you have a church home be there just be there as much as you can and dont be afraid to cry and ask for payer and someone you can run to when it gets to much for you. He is in a fog and the less you have to know the better. take care, your in my prayers, hang in there LilyGrace I dont know when it gets better but I am still praying for that for that. crushed21

Thank you Wendieann and Crushed21.

Wendieann - I am sorry to hear about your situation. That must really hurt, esp. with two small children. And to know he is living with someone else - wow. He is really in the fog. How are you doing?

Crushed21 - I am not talking to him. He also doesn't make any attempts to speak with me. I guess that says a lot! If your husband is telling you where this woman is better, I sense resentment. Why else would he tell you that and crush you? He has to know how bad that hurts. I am sorry but that is just wrong.

I ask myself why all of the time. It is very difficult to get past. I am not sure if he is in the fog. I see it more as he is just done with me! Even though he bailed out as soon as a woman paid attention to him. We were seperated, and I think he rationalizes it that way by telling himself that it's not cheating. I heard all the babble like "I love you, but I am not in love with you" and "This marriage has been over". It was all bulllsh*t. He found someone else to dote all over him and he ran with it. I am trying hard to understand how a man could leave his wife and never contact her again and to be with another woman so suddenly without taking any time to heal!

LG,

I'm so sorry for how you are hurting. I'm in a similar situation with my STBXWW. She just wants out to pursue her new love interest with no apparant remorse of any kind. It does hurt.

Feel free to vent here and know that you are in my prayers.

ya he told me every thing he did so in his mind it was ok. It was wrong he was still married and taking a tramp up north to see the fall colors (like we always did) for the week end was wrong and he can tell me any thing he and his tramp is doing and it will still be wrong. Now that we are divorced he can take her and put her where the sun dont shine and I could care less We are divorced and he has the right to do what ever he wants. And the want to be friends is only to make him self feel better about what he did to me and how much he hurt me. Like I want to be his friend!!
Oh and the best one of all and most every one on this sight has read or herd it for them self is " I love you BUT not as a wife" You don't love someone and go have an A and still love them. oh I have to go to bed good night

I wonder the same thing about my STBXW. She basically justed walked away like this marriage meant nothing and I meant nothing. She doesn't talk to me or even attempt to contact me. I think one reason that we don't hear from them is that they fell guilty for what they have done. I always wonder if she sits and thinks about me like I do her, or if she has just replaced me with thats piece of ******. I really think someday she will look back at this and wonder why the ****** she did something so stupid and your STBXH probably will do the same.

Anyway, I hope everything works out for you the best that it can.

My belief...

"How do they just walk away?"

They don't.

They run.

Look for this in your next relationship...when the answer to stress and challenge is to distract, it can go from turning on the tv to having an affair. Their coping skills. Not your fault. That you feel it is because they cared so little is your belief and you can change that. It is because they cared too much, it had too much meaning, that they did this.

LA

I have always wondered the same thing myself..

My take on this, something new and refreshing for them, I was married going on 8 years, we had two kids, at the time (son 7, and daughter 4), she met a guy at work who offered her more excitment than I could offer. She left me with taking care of our kids and became and acted like a tean ager in heat, my ex began to change, dressing differently, smoking, drinking and doing some drugs.

Most times it is easy for them to walk away, lust is a very powerful feeling....

I agree with AAA. Lust is a powerful feeling, but it is also very temporary. Even in a heated A, the high can only last so long until reality sets in and the warts begin to show.

My STBXWW acts just like you said, a teenager in heat. There is no reasoning when they are acting like that. The only reasoning will be when the A goes sour, and they are left alone to contemplate their actions and where they are. It is at this time that, IMHO, their selfishness will turn against them, and they will realize what they gave up for lust.

It is because they cared too much, it had too much meaning, that they did this.

Loving Anyway - not sure what you meant by the above statement. Could you please elaborate? I do know that he told me he was tired of all the stress and the ups and downs of our marriage. What I got from it all was that he was too old and didn't need all the stress in his life. Well what happened to "til death do us part." It wasn't very comforting to know that when things got bad, he wanted to bail out. AND he did it all of the time. If he didn't like something I did, I heard "I want a divorce". I really can't believe I put up with this treatment. It was so hurtful.

Tired41 - What happened in your situation?

Has anyone here been married to a person who just jumped from one relationship to the next? That is what my spouse does. Don't you think that a person needs time to heal? How could someone even do that after getting out of a very serious relationship! And what the h*ll is the other person involved thinking?

If they don't attempt to make any contact, maybe it is guilt. I just feel that my STBXH wanted to get rid of me like I was trash! He just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I hope there is some truth to what goes around comes around.