Ok time for an update while I have 2 hours between kid activities.
On Tuesday night I pulled out all stops. I told him that I love him with all my heart, that I am scared of being hurt, that the "In Love" feeling will eventually come IMHO, and that I am committed to R fully. I told him this as I placed the wedding ring back on his finger. I told him I loved him and want to grow old with the new lostone whenever he is ready.
This is my last and final attempt to get him to GET IT and understand that I want this to work. I then told him that he needs to start his rebuilding process.
1. Figure out the WHYs of his A.
2. Fix the WHYs so that it doesnt happen again
3. Forgive himself for his mistakes
4. Decide if he wants a D or R for once and for all
5. With either choice, go for it with all his heart.
6. If R is chosen, then he needs to develop a solid plan
7. Keep working on MB principals and getting help
8. And if R, also MC with the Harleys.

That is my ultimatium of sorts. I will not sit in limboland much longer. I need to see progress of some sorts. I expect bumps and small setbacks, and triggers, etc. But I am not willing to accept nothing anymore. I need more.

So what does everyone think? Am I pushing too much?
JE

bravo. simply bravo.

now dont do what i di and fall for crumbs while he "thought" about counseling.....doesnt work.

I wont Nikko. I have decided that I am allergic to crumbs...LOL
FWH is not feeling well today, been sleeping all day, so I had alot of ME time, went tanning, chatted with friends, worked on my website, off and on here. In about 20 minutes off to a competition for my girls. He has a head cold and sore throat!! Man if we women could just sleep all day with that!! LOL
Chat with ya later.
JE

Well back to the limbo again, or further down not sure
FWH made a mistake and revealed more than he expected. We were chatting about my upcoming new JOB, stay at home mom, with dog breeding. And he tells me that his 401K is doing great! Now he just promised for the 4th time since dday that he would not go online at work or home unless MB. He is addicted to ebay, porn, etc. This is something I am very serious about. This was a line in the sand for him coming home and working on R. Now this line has once again been crossed. What do I do here?
This has nothing to do with the internet per say. It has to do with constant broken promises, that I cannot trust a liar, and since a couple of weeks ago he has started slipping down a slope again. Will not come on MB, runs when things get rough, refuses to go to MC, and agrees to "make" me happy and then sneaks behind my back.
Anyone care to enlighten me?
JE

so why are you afraid to stand up with what you said your action would be if he crossed the boundry again?

i hope that made sense....i have a cold or something comming on real fast and hard...been sneezing my head off and cant breathe....lol

JE, I was just wondering about you a couple hours ago, so it's nice to see your post. I don't think you're pushing too much. I think you're putting yourself out there and being vulnerable (which I know is hard) and giving him a clear picture of your expectations. What was his reaction?

In lipstick, I wrote across my bathroom mirror "I am worthy of more than just crumbs. If I can't have the whole cake, I don't want any of it." For nine weeks, I accepted the crumbs -- sometimes bigger bites, but it's not enough anymore.

Well the consequence was to separate. Is this where I should take it? I have taken about as much as I can take at this point. I love him and he knows it, with that I feel like he is "playing" with me sometimes. Like telling me that he was thinking about divorce and then R and back and forth. This man never said the divorce word since dday. He has been stoic in stating that this can work, and it was me saying I dont know that I can. Now I know this M can work with him putting 100% into the M, and I tell him that. Then he says the "D" word, and breaks a promise all within one week. I wonder if this is a game sometimes, or if I am really nuts.

JE

your not nuts sweetie---he's selfish. and separating does not mean your giving up---took me years to get that. i really didnt understand that in separating i was actually standing up for our family and our marriage. our family didnt deserve anything less, neither did i. anything less would be disrespectful. when he was upset and packing he was talking and one of the things that came out of his mouth was something to the effect of telling everone what "i" did(meaning making him leave).....lol....yeah hun, you go right ahead...tell them all how i let you stay after destroying me with a sleazy affair, oh yeah, tell them how i fought for honesty and love for over 3 yrs when you wouldnt even participate, oh another one, tell them that i am still praying everyday that you pull your head out of your a$$ and return to us even after all this......yeah hun...go right ahead and tell them all and TELL THEM EVERYTHING.....I PLAN TO!!!

poor man never saw that comming....lol, i actually felt bad for him in that moment. but he made his choice....his own comfort over what was good for the marriage and family....i was not having that anymore.

je----have you done everything you could....can you look in the mirror and like the person looking back? can you tell your kids honestly you tried all you could....when i hit that point....plan b. my hubbies addiction to selfishness was worse than any ow. i think yours is too.

now all i can tell you is this worked for me...but i was ready to be a single mom if it meant another day of living like that....only you can figure out if your there also.

not pressuring you---just want to keep it up here so its easier to find.....lol hope the new job is going ok.

up up and away........lol

Nikko,
I will update soon. Working full time plus, kids with final competitions this weekend, and puppies going to thier new homes. I need not only the pause button, but the stop button. FWH is the same, no changes, just more cranky, more distant this entire week. Will chat with him soon and you guys too.
Its almost 5 am, I am up couldnt sleep again, figured I would write real quick before going back to bed for 2 more hours.
JE

glad to hear from you---i was getting worried...lol

just popping you back up......lol

Well once again a quick pop in. This is my last week at work coming up...YEAH!!!
But also a little somber, as FWH has remained distant and reserved. I am pretty sure he is not seeing OW again, but thinking about the Marriage and its future. No relationship talk for about 2 weeks, and only once in a month. NO real talking about much at all.
I am at a loss again. But am trying to settle myself down. I do not want to pressure him and do not want to make any decisions at this point. I am saddend by this recent withdrawl of his, and angry too. He has not initiated SF once in 3 weeks.
I feel like I am living with a stranger once again. That is the best way to describe this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
JE

JE, I was wondering and worrying when I hadn't seen you around, here and in Idiotville.

I just wanted you to know I've been thinking about you. Lostone has a very thick skull I'm afraid and I have a feeling he thinks at his age he doesn't have to do much changing. That what he is is set in cement and can't be changed now.

I have BIG news for him. I'm a year younger than him and have done more changing in the last couple of years than I've ever done in my life.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JE}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks Jen.
I know that he can do what needs to happen. I know that he has the strength. But he does not.
In my opinion, he has given up. He has decided that it is easier to walk away than to put forth the effort this marriage so desperately needs right now. He walked away from 2 marriages before, fell in love again, and started anew. It is hard for me, battered and scarred, to compare to a new relationship.
But regardless of the outcome, I know in my heart that I have done all that I can. I put everything I had into the basket, and it still wasnt enough. Maybe that is what he is thinking too. I do not know as he still does not talk to me.
I am finding myself getting more and more lonely, and wanting more out of life. Not with just anyone, but with him. It kills me to know that the man I love and want so much, is slowly pulling away from me and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening.
I chose to love him again, and I may lose him for it. He seemed to put more effort into the marriage when I could have cared less. Now that I am wanting this to work, have told him how much I do love him, he seems withdrawn and actively pulling away from me. Weird.
JE

JE---still praying for you---i just moved and had the surgery on the 7th....i'll be back in a few days....come back and chat it out....lol

bump.......