Melody,

Hi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I did not want to threadjack anymore. But I also don't want to leave a misunderstanding haning out there.

You wrote:

I disagree. Radical Hoesty is probably the MB priciple I struggle with more than any other, and I really DON'T feel qualified to make statements about it to other posters. Seriously. But I do understand how important it is.




I'm not even sure what you mean. I was not airing some hidden agenda, or trying to settle some past score, or anything like that.

Your response to him came across -- TO ME - exactly as I described it. You highlighted a sentence in which he said he thought he'd better keep a secret from his wife... and instead of telling him how wrong that is... standard practice around here... you made it into a little inside joke, just between the two of you. I didn't think that was appropriate. I guess I should have said that to begin with -- straight out. Did I come across and flippant? If so, I'm sorry.

I have no grudge against you or anyone else here. Cross my heart. (except maybe one certain male poster who generally throws out one-liners designed, IMO, to make sport out of other people's pain). I do think there is a double standard sometimes. We could argue all day about whether it's real or imagined.

But ask youself honestly... If I came on here as a FWW, and said to my male FWH friend on the board, "I won't tell my husband about your involvement in all of this... He thinks you're a male version of me" -- What would you have said to me about that? Honestly, Melody, I don't feel I "know" you well enough to even speculate on your answer. But I know for sure that Dorry would be along by-and-by to kick my a$$ for that!!!! Right Dorry? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

--SC

Melody and Pep are always good at taking things and turning them back on us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So that you are always looking at yourself and the way you perceive things.

It may not be imagined - sometimes there is a double standard yes...but if you proove you are working hard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Melody will make comments like that to keep you working hard.

ANd you are right - if you said that about a fellow Male FWS I would KICK you [censored] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But here is where I am okay with the double standard. While I don't believe in keeping secrets from your spouse - and relationships with opposite sex that might get into trouble - the BS's on here have NOT had affairs...We have...makes a HUGE difference.

What I ALWAYS pray is that the BS's on here take HEED and caution of the mistakes of the FWS's on here...that as much as BS's think it could never happen to them, that they are VERY careful about using that phrase and like Harley says - take extraordinary precautions to protect themselves and the marriage. As I was once one of those who said I could never do it and I know how you ned up there.

I think I missed the original post between you and Mel..but remember Mel likes to keep you looking at yourself, and what you can control - to keep the focus and you and your own circumstances, blame, etc.

If after looking at yourself you find it's not anything in ya - and you explain it well - mel completely understands and either agrees or agrees to disagree <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know you hold no grudge...and yes you aren't imagining it - it is harder for FWW's here...but SOMETIMES, it's US being harder on ourselves when we read a BS's post...and it's hard to distiguish between the two.

SC, as I stated in my post, you MISINTERPRETED my comment as you suspected. If you will take a look at my post again, you will see that I BOLDED the:


THAT was the portion of the comment I was responding to. THAT was the portion of the parapgraph that was bolded. NOT the portion of his comment about not telling his W about my involvement in getting him to MB.

Outside of that, if you feel that a "lecture" is in order, as you called it, then you are a big enough girl to deliver your OWN lectures and I would encourage you to do that.

Actually... Melody's friend, the betrayed husband she and I were both posting to, DID cheat on his wife BEFORE she cheated on him.

Ahhhhhhhhhh

If the wife is currently wayward though - somethings need to be kept from her during the plans...in recovery there must be radical honesty though

Guess i need to read the thread? lol

Yes, so he is a FWS, but his role now is BS. And he will probably need to tell his W eventually that it was me who referred him to MB.

However, he shouldn't tell her that now just as he shouldn't tell her his other tactics and strategies, such as spying, the MB forum, Plan A, etc. That would undermine his Plan A. He needs this support system to be kept private until they get into recovery. THEN he will have to be radically honest with her in order to facilitate their recovery.

BINGO! If he practiced radical honesty right now, it would greatly undermine his ability to bust up this affair.

Geeze, ladies...

Why didn't ya just say so?

I told ya I didn't know anything about busting up affairs!!!

See. I may be a pain in the butt. But I eventually get all my questions answered that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks.

LOL SC

wanna be in a pain in the but club? I am one too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ;P