casey - can you please describe the actual working relationships - your H, OW and OW's H?

Is there any supervisor/subordinate organizational link?

Does the company have policies forbidding employee affairs?

What kind of company is this? You don't have to reveal the name, just the nature of the business so we can have a better understanding of the setting.

Based on what you've described so far, I think there's a consensus that you ought to expose to the OW's H right away. They way you answer the questions above may influence how you do it, but not whether you should do it.

There's also a consensus that the weekend project will not better the situation, and will likely make it worse. (Hence the argument to expose.) Does this mean it's not possible for the weekend to pass without detrimental effects? No. Could end all OK with no setback - but this is not what we're used to seeing and by your H's own admittance, he's not sure he wants to end it.

WAT

Casey,
We all seem to be bombarding you with EXPOSE! EXPOSE! EXPOSE! And there is a reason for that.


You said:





I did not discover MB until a week or so fter D-day. Plenty of time to think. I have to say that that last thing I planned to do was tell any one. Especially my family and friends for god sakes! Imagine the embarrassment! I would never be able to look any of them in the eye again after they knew my husband cheated on me. What, was I not a good enough wife to keep my man satisfied? What would they all think?

Then I found MB. I did exactly what everyone suggested. The concept may seem a little bit backwards at first. Your first instinct is to kick the WS out of the house after you get over the shock of it and that takes a few weeks really to get over the shock part and actually start thinking about your future logically.
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That is when plan A should kick in- or sooner if you can!! With plan A you are the nicest most giving wife you can be with no Love Busting. That is how you fill up his love bank again.

My marriage was so bad, Casey. My H and I could not stand to be in the same room with one another and rather than argue and make bad in front of the kids, we just chose to ignore one anothers existence. I don't think either of us cared the least little bit. Then the A came in to play. I found out. It sucked. I discovered MB.

When I started plan A'ing, my H didn't know what to think. I felt that maybe I was being a bit overbearing. Keep in mind that the want was there for me to give this another try. sometimes plan A was very hard when all you want to do is strangle WS!!
Pretty soon, in most cases, they do realize what a great person their spouse is and what they saw in OP was only an addiction. It is different for every WS -- it is whatever needs were not being met at home!

I understand your reasoning for not telling the family. Most of us who are still fresh out of this do understand that because the memories are raw. When you expose, you don't have to be harsh and hostile about it. You just gently let them know. You don't want to be known as the crazy wife if you are crude about it. And, they don't need to know the details. (that is what WE are for - ha ha.) Exposure can be just letting them know that WS was unfaithful. It really is a major point in helping to kill the affair. It is no longer a secret and the novelty wears off.

That said, my marriage is nowhere near recovered though it is 90% better than it EVER was. My H and I talk now. We say I love you. (that is hard for him to say to anyone because NO ONE ever told him that growing up.)
I still have many doubts and there have been triggers and a couple Ddays but my H believes that time will heal us and I hang on to that hope too. We are both still here, plugging away day by day.

One more thing. If you expose, yes, your WH may be mad at you for a little while. But, they do realize that they are the ones that screwed up and you have every right to expose. Sure they are embarrassed but all the more reason to stop the A.

Yo casey - what's going on? What about the weekend?

WAT