Could that be because the PURPOSE is to LEARN Marriage Builders principles? I think the first clue to that is the name on the top of the page. People come here to learn MB principles and apply them to their marriages, not "wisdom" according to shampoo.

Since you have run off this newcomer by harrassing her, I have notified the mods.

Oh Georgina I completely missed this post I'm sorry. It looks like my thoughts were spot on. Hope you don't have any more problems. MB is a great resource though, I definately suggest practicing it in your marriage if you're not already.

Good luck <3

Yes, I do. I don't think you should put the blame on her for her husband to conduct secret lunches.

She came here hurt, looking for help, and instead of helping her using tried and true MB principles, you told her it was her fault he was keeping them secret because she had an issue with trust.

I guess you don't believe in gut instincts, but when she said she was hurt he was having lunch with this woman- it was not an 'oh I'm jealous he is having lunch and I am home' it wasn't 'oh, she's prettied than me' it was hurt because her gut was telling her something was not right.

Instead of accusing her husband of having an inapproproate relationship, she asked him to not have lunch with her. She hoped that took care of the situation.

It didn't.

So, yes, I do., Also in a few other posts, I disagree with your views. They are your views, but views contradictory to these boards should be moved to where they are welcome.

Mr. S- Poo.

Please answer the question posed 2 you earlier.

HAVE YOU BEEN A WS?

Hey folks...I don't say this often.

this smells of a troll.

I mean, somebody coming here and spouting NON MB principles to the rafters...and giving rationalizations...albeit WIERD AND ILLOGICAL rationalizations.

Mr. SPoo,
please answer the question. As I believe you have been or ARE a WS.

I believe pain can be a CATALYST for change...but why do the cruel things to your poor W like "I'd go to lunch w/female coworkers so that she'd get over trust issues" and CREATE UNNECESSARY DRAMA AND PAIN FOR HER? Pain is a catalyst for CHANGE IN THE WS...WHEN THEIR ACTIONS ARE SO HORRID...SO NEGATIVE AND DAMAGING THAT THEY HAVE TO TURN AWAY FROM WHAT THEY'RE DOING...not from a normal marriage.

I never replaced my xh w/God. Not at all. Geez. Some ofyour words and rationalizations are out there man...if you are a man at all. I am not sure you are even a genuine poster here honestly.\

NOW BACK TO ISSUE AT HAND TO GEORGINA.

Dearest Georgina,
I work with male coworkers. I eat lunch w/them everyday. I make it a point to NEVER eat one on one with one though. It's group or nothing. And I make it a point to get to know their wives so they feel comfortable around me...and trust me, I am a single curvy blonde...not very fun for a wife to hear their H is having lunch with...BUT I DO ALL I CAN DO TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY HAVE NO WORRIES WITH ME. I am 100 percent committed to MB and families and want myself to have when I remarry, a rock solid marriage.

We understand the roles in the workplace have changed. But honesty and diligence HAS NOT CHANGED. That means you disclose all to your spouse. If you eat wtih a coworker of opposite sex, you tell your spouse about it...NO SECRETS...NO MEETING AFTER WORK UNLESS IT IS GROUP ORIENTED AND ALL SPOUSES ARE IN AGREEMENT AND FINE OR THEY'RE COMING TOO! Trust me, my male coworkers and their wives are PERFECTLY FINE WITH ME. I make my intents always known and transparent. I am at work to provide an income for my child and my little family. I am NOT there to do anything to jeopardize my faith, my son, my integrity or my professional status.

I think that There should be more MB'ing in the workplace. nO SECRET COWORKERS THAT A SPOUSE HAS NEVER MET...no secret lunches or dinners.

Sure we have "inside jokes" and we goof off rarely. But it's always completely innocent stuff.

BOUNDARIES...I MEAN BOUNDARIES ARE WHAT IS NEEDED IN MARRIAGES AND IN THE WORKPLACE TODAY!

I didn't mean to come off that she is responsible for her husband's actions. He definately could have handled the situation better.

And I was correct, even though it is his responsbility for lying.

People's guts are not the best indicators of affairs. They are useful, but not as useful as most people on this board appear to think, I promise you. This information is not stuff I'm pulling out of a hat, I've read books and books and books on this stuff.


My problem with going somewhere else is, I would be doing the people here a disservice by not helping them when I can.

I am a BS, but I grew so much from the experience I am grateful for the pain, I welcome pain now. All it can do is help me grow.

I just go a little crazy sometimes when I'm trying to make a point. sorry. I'm bipolar I and ADHD-- So I love to argue when someone else is around that enjoys it too.


I do the same thing actually, however I'm getting to know husbands not wives.

Background on me.

my xh became a WS after work...was at a local bar near our home having drinks with a sales rep...and he met the ow, the first ow...monkeyho. she thought she hit the jackpot. he was handsome, had money, and well dressed. AFTER WORK HAPPYHOUR IS HUNTING GROUND FOR POTENTIAL WS AND PEOPLE WHO OPENLY WANT TO FIND AN AFFAIR. ow was UNMARRIED...imho, those are the worst kind of em'.

it all snowballed from there.

the entitlement...the secret meetings...the "let's meet for drinks again" statement that ow said..YEA IT STARTED OFF AS INNOCENT AS "hey DArth...let's do this again soon. I had so much fun. Your W won't get mad. This place is only around the corner from your home."

That's what happened.

I liken it to getting into a pool of cool water. First you notice how darn cold it is! You swear you won't go in (like cheating...you aren't somebody who'd do it)...but after a time in that cold pool, you slowly think that it's not so cold anymore...and so you walk a bit further and you get deeper into it...until you're over your head and it feels no longer cold..no longer shockingly cold.

that is how it happens in the workplace...or after work...or at a coffee shop..or whatever.

It is ALWAYS DISGUISED AS SOMETHING ELSE...HARMLESS FUN...or else both parties would not buy into it. although I personally believe one party all along knows what is up.

I agree with your final statement. That sucks that that happened to you dude. I really think that people involved in an affair have some bigger issues than unmet emotional needs. Oh here's a question since we're already talking about it. Who met the ENs before the people were married?

I'm not going to debate you all night. I would much rather spend time with my husband or having a bar-b-que.

Please just put a disclaimer in your sig line that states you do not believe in all of the MB principles, that any advice you give may be in direct conflict to MB principles.

That way you will not be doing a dissevice to the people here on the forum.

I don't understand you . Who met the emotional needs before married?

I don't know.

I met my own en's. I had a college bf who met my en's. I am a healthy person who doesn't need alot of "hand holding".

Honestly, I meet my own en's right now. And being a mom to the most wonderful child in the world meets alot of them as well. Plus my job fulfills some other en's.

I have to go.

This POST IS ABOUT WHAT IS INFIDELITY...BACK TO GEORGINA'S QUESTION WHICH I WAS TRYING TO ANSWER...AND LET'S GET ON MESSAGE OK?

Ok sorry for getting off topic, I would like you to post in my thread in the other topics forum however. As I am interested in the ENs you met without a spouse.(therefore eliminating the need for an affair to meet an unmet EN in a marriage.)