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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 19
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 19 |
Thought I would come on here just to get out some mixed feelings. Quick recap. Its been 4 years since DDay, we are seperated, he has been gone 2 years. Now. I am starting to feel the pangs of what could have been. Next week we "would have" been married for 10 years. I was doing fine, I am getting my own place at the end of the month. What I mean by that is that nobody will be living with me and my 2 yo DS. When WH left the house my lil sister moved in.
Alot has happened in such a short period of time. WH had his affair in 01, OC born in 02, WH left in 03,My younger sister died unexpectadly in 04 and now my stepmom who I love like my mom was diagnosed with pre-leukemia and it is progressing faster than they thought. It just seems to be to much at times. I do still talk to WH on a daily basis and alot of the time just by the tone he takes I wonder why I still love him and can move on. He has moved on. He has a GF who he lives with , he has been with her 2 years now. And me , I do wonderfully living my life for me and my child then BAM! I am back to where I am today. I want to be with somebody. I cannot imagine being alone forever. It just sucks honestly.
We got married on Valentines day, last year he had the audacity to give me a anniversary gift and give his girlfriend a valentines day gift!! I know I ask myself the same question, Why is this the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? He has proven that I am not the one he wants.
LAst week he came by my work to drop off something for my son. While talking he says he is not moving with his GF to her new house because "he wants to make everyone else happy". My response, "Why would you do that? Just be happy", he says "I dont want to lose you as a friend", I said "What if you lost me as your wife?" him "As long as I dont lose you as my friend, i dont care about losing you as my wife".
Talk about an eye-opener.
Does it ever get easier? I dont know what to do anymore. I hate feeling this way.
J
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I would wish him the best in his new life but wouldn't be his "friend." "Friends" don't lie and cheat you, that is the act of enemy.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Its been 4 years since DDay, we are seperated, he has been gone 2 years. Why are you prolonging this? Since you are a new poster, perhaps you are not familiar with Plan B, which is where you should be if you don't want a divorce. Free yourself of the pain.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 19 |
MelodyLane,
Good Morning and thank you for replying. You are absolutely right. I cannot be his friend, to be his friend means to feel like this constantly. I just need to stop but I dont know how.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
MelodyLane,
Good Morning and thank you for replying. You are absolutely right. I cannot be his friend, to be his friend means to feel like this constantly. I just need to stop but I dont know how. Sure ya do. Just say "you are not friend material. buh bye."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 371
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 371 |
I would wish him the best in his new life but wouldn't be his "friend." "Friends" don't lie and cheat you, that is the act of enemy. Good job of saying that, Melody. I love y'all !!! Carnation
Me - BS 55
WH/FWH 50
OW 30
Much evidence says that my H was/is
deeply involved in a very long term PA
Prolly will never know much more than that
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975 |
Yes. Why are you still waiting to start over. You have been separated for two years, not working on recovering either your marriage or yourself.
WH wants to consider himself your friend because he doesn't want to feel guilty about what he had done to you.
You have enough bad stuff going on in your life without continuing to carry his baggage.
Sorry, but you need to move on and work on what is best for you.
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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