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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 10 |
H & I have been having problems for a long time. Been in counseling for 4 months.
About 1.5 months ago, we were watching TV and his cell went off. The caller hung up before he answered and H said - this isn't the first time I got this # - it is a non-English speaking woman. I said, "Oh, I heard of a website that you can look it up to see who it is." I took the cell from him and scrolled back when the name Megan came up. I said who is that? He said he didn't know. I was immediately suspicious but let it go.
Flash forward to Sunday morning. I was doing wash when a 24 yr old's expired Driver's License fell out of his shirt pocket. He said it was a girl that he knows that asked him to hold it for him because she had no pockets. Screaming, crying, accusations and lies flew. Eventualy he told me that she is someone he met through a co-worker's friend and she has called him a few times. I didn't believe that was the whole story and I kicked him out for having an EA.
Monday night he told me that OW has called him on a semi-weekly basis to 'see how he is' and she knows he is married w/daughter. She told him if he weren't married or if he got divorced that there would be something there for them.
I truly believe I caught this early on. But now I have no trust at all. How does anyone get the trust back?
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,753
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,753 |
Look after your M. Look after your self, look after your husband. Make you and him the centre of the universe. You won't need to trust him because he will be eating out of your hand if you treat him right. Which means he will treat you right. What a wonderful wake up call for you. Lucky you!
AN
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
The trust has been broken. How he gets it your trust back is up to him.
Recommended reading: Surviving an Affair & His Needs/Her Needs.
1. Learn about plans A & B
2. Get with a good MC
3. Expect that if this is a foreign speaking OW, there maybe more than just wnating t/b friends. Many like to play the lure game and having another cultured type man on their arm is how many get their ticket to financial stability or at least that is what they believe. So, secure your finances before he sells the farm for her.
4. If you can call Steve H @ MB, do so immediately. Not for him but for you. His help will come later. You need to get yourself strong 1st.
5. Expect him to defend and protect her. He may feel he needs to do things for her and that is just what she wants him t/d.
6. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. Then learn to 'reverse babble' so you don't take his guilt.
7. Get a good support group around you. Be selective and ask they respect your decisions.
8. Don't make life changing decisions while in an emotional state of mind.
9. After reading those books and going with MC or MB phone counseling, identify your personal boundaries. Plans A & B r 4 you 1st.
10. Don't expect to change the WS. Work on your self-improvements.
11. Your H maybe a KISA (knight in shining armor), if so learn to turn his help around so that he helps you. Learn to lean on him but not too much since right now it c/b the OW clouding up his mind.
12. Do a background check on the OW.
take care,
L.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 200
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 200 |
You won't need to trust him because he will be eating out of your hand if you treat him right. Which means he will treat you right. what is this supposed to mean?
The advice given is not that of a professional and may be in conflict with Marriage Builders.
The advice is of high quality however.
I can give best insight when the relationship in question is that of two people and one God.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
SoLost, I would call the number and have a little chat with the OW. Tell her that you are WS's wife and tell her that your H has told you about their little affair. Ask her if she knew he was married and then ask her an open ended question such as "what is your explanation for all this?"
This may bust up the affair right then and there because she may not know he is married. Even if she does, just your phone call may shake her up enough to give her some pause.
If the affair does continue, we can help you bust it up but first see if this will do it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 371
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 371 |
((( So lost )))
I would definetly investigate this more. I mean, you have her license, how fortunate is that !!
My gosh... I have been searching for months for information and her license just fell in your lap. I would really follow up on it.
Dang it... why oh why can't I find out more...
My very best to you and keep posting
Carnation
Me - BS 55
WH/FWH 50
OW 30
Much evidence says that my H was/is
deeply involved in a very long term PA
Prolly will never know much more than that
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863 |
"How does anyone get the trust back?"
That's the last thing you should be worrying about. It's up to him to earn your trust after this.
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