Sorry if this is a silly question but is having sex to satisfy sexual drive alone disrespectful?

Is the sex w/your H or W? If so, then my H does not mind being disrespected on a regular basis <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

No…as long as the person who wants to find release for his/her sex drive is treating his/her sex partner (spouse) with respect, care, love and consideration during and before the sex act...and as long as the sexual needs of his/her spouse is taking into consideration as well…

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think this might be true for MOST (if not ALL) men! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hmmm I need some clarification sorry, you guys seem to see something I do not. I don't understand how you can be respecting the person if you're using them only to satisfy sexual desire

Sexual Fulfillment is an EN for most men and a lot of women. We should try and meet our partners EN's as an act of love. It's hopefully less about ANYONE being used and about both partners meeting each others needs.

hmmmmm ok, it just seems like you're feeding your spouse fast food or something when you could be giving them something healthy, know what i mean?

You can still treat a person with respect, love, care and consideration even if you just want to have sex to release sexual tension. However, if a spouse want to have sex with his/her partner against his/her will and follow through regardless of the partner’s unwillingness, and treat him/her without love, care, consideration etc. then it becomes disrespectful.

Remember, within the confines of a M between loving spouses, ANYTHING goes in the sexual area…AS LONG as both partners is in agreement about it and practise POJA…and as long as the sex partners don’t do something the other spouse doesn’t feel comfortable with. Again, it's all about love, care, respect & consideration for each other.

For example, I woman might not feel like having sex but might be totally willing giving her body to her H to help him get release for his sexual tension. Although the woman might not feel like having sex on that specific moment, she can still engage in the sex act out of love, sensitivity and concern for her H’s sexual needs (and vica versa). It's all about give and take between loving spouses.

oh yeah yeah yeah all this makes sense i like this alot, this is sex for love not sex for sex =D

Shadpoo,

Are you a man or a woman?

How is the relationship between you and your husband/wife?

What caused you to post this question?

Just curious… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am a man, our relationship is good, we are newlyweds. I asked this question to see if I am thinking properly about sex. Alot of my friends only have sex when both partners are experiencing sexual desire. I think it's disrespectful to them both.

I have recently been through quite a bit of personal growth and change and I am having to figure out how life works. I found God about..... a year and a half ago. My entire value system got flipped all around. And now I have all of this new sex stuff to figure out, and I'm trying to do my best so as to not disrespect my wife.

I actually had one of my friends tell me "sex is sex, and love is love" and I was like "ew"

This is very good – keep on respecting your W and seeking God’s will for you and your M - you will certainly reap the benefits in both your M and spiritual life if you keep doing this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

May God bless both you and your W in this new marriage so that both of you can follow Him together,

Suzet

ALL!!!

In His arms.

Well let's look at this question in another way.

Let's just say a Husband (or it could be the wife) decides one morning that he or she does not feel like working in order to bring home a pay check to help care for the other spouse.

Instead of quiting his/her job just because he/she does not feel working , he/she decides to continue going to work in order to care for spouse

The paycheck comes home, the bills are paid, food is on the table and a roof is over the other spouses head.

Does this mean the spouse that did not work took advantage of the working spouse?

Absolutely not. The working spouse is fullfilling his/her role in the marriage by providing financial support.

Now reverse the sitch. The stay at home Husband/Wife keeps the house, cooks the meals, washes the clothes even though they don't feel like it. The other spouse enjoys the benefits of that work.

Does that mean the stay at home spouse has been taken advantage of?

Absolutely not. That is the role.

Both spouses are taking care of each other. The feelings while are nice and important are not exactly neccesary. They do help the process and make the "SF" better but is not really needed.

Just like Suzet said. If each spouse is being taken care of and not being abused, etc..... Then all is well.

Now, don't get me wrong. Would I appreciate SF with feelings over no feelings. Without a doubt. But the feelings are not the most important thing here. The fact the one spouse is caring for the other is what matters.

I wonder if this forum is biased towards respectful lovemaking =)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You know MM, sometimes I wish we women could have a hormone equivalent to the amount of testosterone in a man's body...maybe then ALL women would not mind being treated "disrespectfully" by their H's on a regular basis either! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously though...I know we women also have a small amount of testosterone in our bodies (which is mainly responsible for sex drive) but in my opinion it's not always sufficient... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Maybe the medical experts can start working on a viagra tablet for women too.

shadpoo,

I wanted to share a few things on this. First, before my H & I were M, we had alot of sex as my drive was almost as high as his (he was attentive then). Then, after living together something began to change. After M, I would make sure to give in to him once a week or every 1-1/2 wks (no longer & I thought really doing the right thing). But, I wasn't interested anymore in sex. The thrill was gone & it was extremely difficult to get in the mood. My H was frustrated, and said things like "You're not attracted to me anymore". I would always say "Yes, I am, I don't know what's wrong with me".

Reading His Needs/Her Needs helped us find the solution. What was happening is that my H never gave me affection in the way I needed it (notes, cards, gifts, hugs without expectation, etc). He only came & tried to hug on me & kiss me when he wanted sex. I felt USED & got more & more withdrawn from him. I avoided all affection from him because I knew what he wanted. He also didn't give me the undivided attention when I talked to him either. He would end up watching TV when I was talking or falling asleep & I felt completely lonely. This alienation of affection kept me at a safe distance from him. I even remember saying when he'd want sex "Please make it a quickie" and I would be totally uninvolved (although I tried to act involved), but he knew & felt that I was just lending my body to his need. So, it didn't feel that need because he needed my interest in him too.

Women CAN make a decision to be interested - it's hard when they have so much on their mind, but they can. I've totally changed my philosophy. After filling out the EN questionaire, we found his need for sex was 3-4 times per week. So, I work hard to meet that need & be excited about it too. When I know in advance that I am going to meet this need, I'm up for it & has made the whole experience much more fun for both of us. He is also working hard to give me the affection & attention I need.

This is also a great help for him as a new Christian because he has trouble with lust & used to masturbate when I wasn't meeting his need (he was addicted to it). Now, he doesn't have either addiction anymore.

I think the KEY to your success (first, don't listen to your guy friends) is finding out what your W's EN's are & meet them. Usually, when the W's needs are met, they are willing to meet their H's needs. However, if you don't meet her needs, she will find it hard to want to meet yours because woman are driven so much by their emotions when it comes to sex. It is all about how you make her "feel" whether or not she will want to have sex with you.

Shadpoo,

Ditto what Want2BStrong said for me... I withdrew from my H in a similar manner for the same reasons (feeling used, etc) and instead of talking to me about it, he ended up having a long term PA with a coworker just for sex...They had an "agreement' that it would just be for sex so no one would get hurt...well, she ended up getting pregnant, had an abortion, fell in love with him, not to mention the devastation this has caused me and my children...

Be honest with your W about all of your needs so you can avoid the path of alot of us here on the board...

I was actually just talking about this with W the other day, alot of men view kissing/touching/holding as a prerequisite or a requirement for sex. I used to view it that way as well until about a year ago.

excellent, I am so happy for you. I had never really subscribed to MB principles before, but if I think about my relationship in MB EN terms. She is surprisingly low-maintenance, I attribute this to emotional stability and her relationship with God. She gets everything she needs from God, so if I miss a couple of her needs, it doesn't really matter. She needs to be held, she doesn't really need to be kissed so much. She needs me to be a good friend and participate in her group of friends. She needs humor, her sense of humor is the witty dry sarcasm type, being able to interact with that is wonderful for her. She likes her tummy, so I pay special attention to that. She doesn't like her thighs or her breasts so much, so I tell her they're beautiful(and pay special attention). I have no more time to post! I will post later!