WH has decided to file. I have tried everything - but he is so lost in his fog that he can't see anything clearly. The only time he will talk to me now is if it is to talk about the D.

I have repeatedly told him it's not what I want, that I will work on this marriage, that I believe we can "fix" it. But he is unwilling to even talk about reconciliation and will not let go of the OW. I still love him - but I can't live in this limbo land any longer. I am ready to move on and live my life again.

I wold still love to work this marraige out - but at this point - HE needs to chase me. He admits that he is sure that someday he will wake up and realize he made a horrible mistake - BUT he can live with that (so he says).

As for me - I deserve a man who loves me, will cherish me, and attempt to meet my ENs. And one who won't put me through the emotional heII I've lived in these last 4 years.

Yes. You do.

((( Jan )))

How is your health ? I am hoping all is well regarding that.

My heart goes out to you. This is very painful stuff and we all deserve to be treated with respect and love.

P.S. Do you scrapbook ??

My very best to you - carnation

First off, let me say how sorry I am. This is a traumatic event we are experiencing and it is a physical as well as emotional injury. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

This was my husband also. The one thing I question at MB is all the relationship talk right off the bat. The "we can fix it" etc. Once they have engaged with another person and are ready to pitch it all and walk into the sunset with them, I think they are closed to any discussions of the marital relationship. There may come a time when they want to reconsider but I personally don't feel it is usually within a few months of d-day. I am not up to date on your sitch so I can't speak directly to it, only in general terms of what I see and feel.

Just be prepared, you are still on the rollercoaster. For days you will think you are okay and ready to move on, and then you will crash again with the pain of your loss.

Some things I have read that I attempt to do might help. Like attracts like. Try to be positive and attract what you'd like. Make a conscious effort to think and visualize specifically what you would like in your life. Then affirm to yourself that you are worthy of it and project the confidence that you will attract it.

Good luck Jan and be good to yourself. I'm a crafter too, although I haven't ventured into scrapbooking. Creativity is a great release.

Yes - I scrpabook!!! Well - until about 4 years ago when all this started. I am trying to get back to it but it's hard.

Jan

So sorry to hear this, Jan. Unfortunately, as my ex-MIL once told me, you can't love someone who doesn't want to be loved. Regretefully, your WH can't navigate through the fog, and he might never be able to again. You're a strong person though. You'll get through this and come out the other side even stronger. My thoughts are with you and your children. Hang in there, lady.

Thanks Longhorn -

I feel better today than I have in a long time. I guess I finally got to the point where I realized I did the best I could - gave it my all. And he still wanted to file for divorce. I can Plan A or Plan B - the only person really hurting was me. And after the last few months (and the 3 times I have dealt with this before) I realized that the trust was so eroded and the hurt was too intense to fight it any longer. I still love him - probably will to a degree, but I want happiness in my life - I want joy, and I want a man that loves ME, cherishes ME and makes me feel special. These are things my WH hasn't done in years.

Some may say I am giving up too soon - I just can't put myself through anymore hurt!

Thanks for your support and kind words - if I ever get done Texas way again I'll give you a holler'.

Being able to say you did the best you could is all a person has sometimes and I think you worked longer than most others would have.

Hey, if you ever do get down this way, I'll buy you a cup o' coffee. And before you ask yes, we DO have Starbucks down here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

YEAH - Starbucks it is!!

I plan to do a lot of traveling! Maybe I'll show up on my motorcycle - always wanted to do a cross-country trip. Only I don't plan to wait until my retirement with WH to do it!!!