Brokenbird,


You win....a triple negative. Your wife's gonna pull out the big red pen on that one.

I had to laugh. I hate proofreading my posts and inevitably have tons of misspelled words, poor grammer and inproper punctuation. I love to use the "..." and I won't even try to spell the term for that symbol.

It's a message board for Pete's sake not college. My presumption is the message is far more important than the syntax.

Mr. Wondering

Edited to say- I even misspelled "improper"...I refuse to edit the original text as I am turning over a new leaf on radical honesty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

About to get a divorce, will be final in about a month. I want him back desperately, he says he wants out. I don't trust him, he doesn't trust me and he's not happy and I can't make him happy. I don't want to divorce, I don't have a choice either. Is there anyone on here that can give advice? Ho do I let go...I suppose that I will just have to suffer through it, that is part of what I deserve for hurting him so much. I don't mean to ramble. I just get so desperate sometimes for some help from somewhere. I'm so confused. And I don't seem to get much help on here, I mainly lurk but when I do post no one really responds. Thanks for listening anyway.

itsoonwillend,

I just pulled your history and I see you been posting on other boards that are far less active than this one. Perhaps you'll get more responses starting a thread here on GQII. Even if you just copy and paste your story from divorce/divorcing.

That being said. You still may not get to many responses simply for the fact, taking what you said above, there does not sound like there is any "Marriage Building" to do. Your husband has apparently made a choice. Just as you regret and dislike that choice today, he may regret that choice someday himself. Only he can make that decision...it can not be "taught" or otherwise schemed. If you were wayward that is his choice. Respect it. Be kind and respectfull of his choices and try to determine if anywhere along the lines you can get him to change his mind. Many couples remarry. Many couples need to put the past completely behind them and build a completely new relationship with their former spouse. It happens...but for that ever to happen, you usually must let go.

Now if he is currently a wayward spouse there may be some strategizing but I fear that is not the case.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

You ain't curious about MY user name? LOL

Yep! That's the stuff. Sitting right in my guest bath. I had guests recently that I was wishin' would wash away their sins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thank you. I must let go. I see that now, have for a while. Just hard. I just don't understand his actions over the last week. His infidelity? He had an affair that he won't admit to back in 2004, don't know when it started or when it ended...if it has. I believe he has found someone else. He lies about everything, unaccounted time, the lies the lies. He has his cell phone bill mailed to his parents. I guess it's too late now anyway. If he's moved on, you're right, I can't make it want to stay. He has to want to do that on his own. he has just been so loving to me the last two weeks. Anyway, I'll quit visiting here. I'm looking for something I won't find. I have to accept that.

Nope lol

when I first came online here I was known as Deeply Sorry - and signed things DS.

When I started in idiotveille, someone decided it was too long to call me deeply sorry and didn't want to ue DS so they put deeply and sorry together and called me Dorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can't remember who it was - it was long time ago now.

It's why aka deeply sorry is on my sig as my old old posts aare signed that.

What's funny is it's now where near my real name <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> lol Dorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My real name is part of my email address that I post around here LOL candice.louise@gmail.com

BB,
Isn't it funny how some of us lurk on each others threads.. relating to each other... even when we don't post much to each other. I've followed your story with interest for awhile, and have also noted many similarities to mine (right down to the fact that I often want to correct Mr Cookie's grammar, but ususally... USUALLY... bite my tounge <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)



Yep. That's the one. I won't be posting there again anytime soon. I'm not going away in a huff or anything... but it's pretty obvious that just the sight of my sig. will make that poster defensive now -- totally counter productive. Sort of like some of the posts certain people made to Magpie early on (though IMO, a lot of those posts to MP were soooo much more obnoxious than my recent comments... oh well) When you find out what specifically MP thought was "interesting" let me know... I'm curious. Also, I haven't emailed her b/c... I don't know... I guess I still feel so shakey in my own recovery that I'm nervous about talking with other FWW's, but please give me a shout-out if there's any way I can help.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. They are "worth" a lot to me, actually.

I have to tell you (even though it will probably get me tarred and feathered!) that one of the things I admire about you is that you seem very good at taking advice that makes sense for your particulare sitation/relatiohship... but that you don't "blindly follow the program". I'm specifically thinking about how you handled the "second trip". I know you've taken a beating for that. But I think you would be wise to keep trusting your own judgement -- IMO, you have very good judgement.


Not a threadjack at all. This whole idea was just a nutty, "let's see where it leads" idea. It has turned out to be a lot of fun for me and brought out a couple of "friends" I didn't even know I had.

As far as you being new... and I'm not just blowing smoke up your butt here... if you keep going the way you are, I can forsee the day when you'll have to change your nickname from "brokenbird" to "mortarman2". I'm totally serious!!!!

By the way... did you ever get that book... "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendrix -- The one that the "caring days" excersize comes from?


THANK YOU! (And the kids... well... one Cookie MONSTER, and one SUGAR cookie. LOL. and the darn little critters need dinner... so I gotta go now...)

Take care BB... say "hi" to MP for me!

--SC

itsoonwillend,
Please, please, please don't go away. Even if you do end up divorcing... there are so many kind and wise people here who can be a support group for you!! Stick around. Start your own thread with lots of details. Keep trying. You'll get the help!
--SC

finallylearning is the name i registered in. at some point, i felt i needed a change. i needed to dig in a bit deeper and i added T2M (time to mature) to my name.

SC:

Just checking in and saw this post and then I had to go check out the post that started this process. I don't have time to go into a lot of detail (you know I am never long winded) but I think your posts on the other thread were spot on.

I do agree with Pep that after recovery starts, the BS and the WS do have much in common. But there is also the tendency for some BS to always kind of look down upon WS posters. It pains me to see this because I think one of the principal benefits of this board is that you get to see both sides of the coin and are often challenged in your thinking.

You and Mr. SC are my posterchildren for marriage recovery. One of the reasons why that I have continued to follow your posts is that you have changed in many ways since you originally came on this board, and those changes have made you a better person...one who is very smart, and well versed. I remember your first thread, I was one of the first posters to your thread and I seriously challenged you on many occassions and even though you may not have liked it, after a while you came to see that perspective. I wrote to you from my perspective as a BS. I think our conversations did both of us some good in getting our recovery going and keeping it on track.

What you probably don't often realize is that my posts to you were just as beneficial to me as they may have been to you. I saw a person who was willing to take responsibiity for her errors but that was also honest enough with herself to ask the questions that got deep into the message of the affair. I also saw that person change and grow (very quickly I might add) and as I saw those changes, it reminded me that everyone can change if there is motivation to do it. That thought kept me on the track of recovery during the darkest hours. I never told you thanks.

Keep posting and keep telling the truth from your perspective. You know how I feel about RH and you were right to point that failure to adhere to RH in the other post. Your perspective will not always be wanted and they will attack like wild dogs, but remember, say the right message and it will eventually sink in.

NT

SC -


Probably a good call. Hopefully that poster will reach a point where their willing and able to hear input from the other side of the story - especially if it's from their WS.

Thank you as well for the kind words. I'm not sure how good my judgement is (if I'd used better judgement in my actions pre-A, MP and I might not be in this mess, but that's the past and I can't change it).

Mortarman is awesome. His knowledge of the Bible and how to apply it is simply amazing. I get a lot of good information from reading his posts (and ForeverHers). I doubt I could ever come close to his knowledge <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I do hope oneday to use this experience to help others in the same situation (or better yet, before they reach this situation), and I hope and pray that I do it with MP at my side.

I did talk to our counselor about the "Getting The Love You Want" book. He uses it extensively (just taught a course on it), but thinks I'm not quite ready for it yet.


I can understand that. I was telling MP tonight a bit about this thread/post, and that given the similarities you two might be good for each other (in terms of sharing ups and downs, venting, etc - or as she said "accountability partners"). But I leave that up to both of you.

I do have a request though - if you can take a peek at my thread with Mortarman, there's an update there (and a not so good one). If you would be willing to spare Mr. Cookie for a bit, and if he's willing, I would be very grateful if he would e-mail me, as I have some questions I'd like to ask that I think he can help me with. MP and I's joint e-mail is in my sig, and I can give Mr. Cookie my personal e-mail address if he is willing to e-mail me.

Mr W.,
I agree -- the message is far more important. My grammar is generally pretty good when I'm paying attention (and I definately pick up on other poster's errors) but my spelling is atrocious (I had to look up "atrocious" to see whether it was one "t" or two <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />).

But one of my favorite posters of all time -- JL -- makes lots of little typos and one particular gramatical error I find rather endearing. After all, if he didn't make those little mistakes, the man would be so darn close to perfect, he'd be unbearable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh... I forgot... I'm not speaking to you Mr. W.
Delusional or Arrogant? I never!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

--SC

PS e-l-l-i-p-s-i-s.

Susan writes:


How's this?:

Sassy
Uncommonly beautiful
Smart
Attentive
Noble

Nottoday,

I hardly know what to say. Thank you. I hope I can live-up to your high praise. I still have a long way to go. I'll keep working at it, though.

--SC

Hey SC,

You said

I resemble that remark. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Actually, I will plead my case now. I am a scientist after all and type around 100 words a minute which is NOT fast enough to keep up with my thoughts And I am dyslexic. Seriously, I can read in a mirror about as fast as just looking at paper. OH! and before KiwiJ gets on my case I am OLD. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Are there enough excuses or do you need more? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can always come up with more excuses you know.


Now I would like to resemble this remark, but sadly it is not true. But, thank you for the kind words.

I think the previous posters have stated something that you really need to notice. You HAVE changed, and I think your perpective is changing as well. In my opinion these changes have allowed the true goodness in you to shine through. I suspect your H is enjoying seeing what he knew was inside of you all along. I think you now know why he is still around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He sees the good in you in addition to your abilities.

Also, given the comments about some small gramatical errors such as verbs missing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> prepositional phrases in the awkward places, you should know that the REAL writing does not start until the third draft, and sadly I don't have time to get beyond the first draft here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> So now you know...you are getting stream of consciousness from me, or is that unconsciousness? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Must go, but I must also tell you how happy I am to see you posting here and helping other people. You have NO idea how important you are to this site.

God Bless,

JL