I have been married for 9 years. I recently found out that I have herpes. I have never cheated on my spouse. She claims that she may have gotten from a previous relationship before we got married and was never tested. She did tell me what she experienced, and it sounded like she had an initial outbreak. She claims she has not cheated on me but I don't believe her. A while back, I found numbers on our cell phone bill that I did not recognize, so I called and it was a guy. I asked her about this and she said that he was friend from high school who was having relationship problems. She talked to this guy almost everyday until I found out. One night, she was supposed to be going out with a girlfriend. From the cell phone bill, she called this guy after she left the house and right before she came in. This seemed strange to me. I cannot accept her excuse. Help, in need of more advice.

I'm no doctor but this sounds a little odd. Were your findings from a clinical test (tested for STD's) or self discovery and research? If you have not had a complete test for STD's then now is the time. Also, request your WW(?) to get one so you both know what is going on. Till the test results come back you should not engage in SF.

If your wife is not telling you the truth then expect resistance to any testing. Try to find more info about OM and possible A. Chances are that she is going dark because of some of the things you have discovered. With that being the case then investigating will be more difficult because she will be more careful.

If your investigation is leaving you empty-handed then you may have to try other things. You said you called OM once before... then I say call him again and talk to him. Ask him if he is aware that your wife is married and you want to make sure he is aware of this.

You're in for some investigation, so don't assume that she is having an affair. Get the proof first.

Thanks for the advice. I did get tested by a specialist and my wife had a blood test done by her OBGYN. We are waiting for the results.

Maf,

H4F said;
"then I say call him again and talk to him. Ask him if he is aware that your wife is married"

I'd go one step further and call him again and tell him she has herpes!! That should shrivel him up if something is going on!!

k

K,
At the time when I called the number, his answering machine picked up. My wife destroyed all of the cell phone bills immediately after I approached her. So I have no way of contacting this guy.

If you had said that you had no reason to believe she was cheating I would say her explanation is possible but probably a lie. Did you ask her why she did not share with you that she had herpes or thought she might after all of these years?

I would say that if she did have herpes for all of these years and did not share that with you that she is a deceiptful person. But like you I would be willing to bet the ranch that this is not the case and she caught this from her lover.

People that cheat will lie and do everything to deny it. What you are describing sounds like an Affair and probably a physical affair.

Before I had certain proof of my wifes affair I asked her to take a lie dector and I even set it up. At the last minute she refused to go and said she never cheated on me.

It took some time but I got recordings and video and emails and phone calls of her Affair.

Have you thought about having her take a lie dector test to find out if she had an affair or had herpes?

And after all of this you will have to decide what you are going to do about it? Many people go through this and stay together while people like me are just not able to overcome the betrayal. Good luck to you and keep digging.

Ihadenough,
When you were digging for clues, was your ex affectionate? My w is not affectionate like she used to. She does not like to kiss me, just little pecks. Other things I noticed was that she seems distant, like she's there but not there if you know what I mean.

Is the cell phone in both of your names (or at least yours)? If so, contact the carrier and request a copy.

K,

Brutal. I like it!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry I missed your question yesterday but I will try to answer now.

My wife was hot and cold our whole marriage. I really tried to be a good H but she almost always seemed unhappy. I tried to get her into a MC but she refused to go.

I noticed the affection dry up almost completely. She would become very angry if I questioned anything. She said she would never cheat on me, never! She then continued to be cold cut me off from sex yet claimed she loved me.

I was so confused I set up a lie detector to find out because I thought I was going crazy. I would then know once and for all and when we were suppose to go she refused. Could not believe I thought she was cheating. Became very angry with me, just like your wife.

I finally cracked her email account. What a liar she was to my face. She told so many lies and then I knew when and where they were meeting. I copied all emails and when I was gone recorded phone conversations. They were even bold enough to have sex in my house and bed when I traveled for work. I go for 4 days once a month for business and they had there fun in my bed.

What hurt the most for me was reading how she was going to divorce me and get alimony (she did not have to work due to my income) child support and she was going to go after the house so he could move in and I would be replaced. I kept my mouth shut but I decided I did not want to be married to her anymore. I then got so much evidence that she could not deny.

I was a good husband but I am sure not perfect. She was not good wife so I am divorcing her. I could not get over the betrayal.

One thing I did learn is to trust your instincts. If your wife is all of a sudden developing STD's and calling other men you know what is going on. I have kids also but I am not going to be a Martyr. I am going to have custody of the kids and you want to know the sad thing all she does is cry around me telling me she still wants to be my wife. All those years we were married she never acted like she did.

Thanks IHE,
Whenever I bring up this situation, she becomes defensive. There was one night, she was supposed to be going out with a girlfriend. Well, she calls this guy right after she leaves the house and then right before she comes in the house (about 1:15am). She does not like to kiss or caress. She's just not affectionate, even though she says she's trying. I feel she messed up and is afraid to confront me. This will always be in the back of my mind.

It's me again,
I need to vent again. My wife was tested for herpes and she has the antibodies. She claims she got it before we met. She is still acting strange. Still does not like to tongue kiss. Only affectionate when SHE wants sex. Help