Assuming true recovery (I guess it's never truly recovered), does a WS have a right to tell a BS how they shoud react or behave should the BS ever run into a OM or OW? I mean, if the WS fears physical action or anything other than civil,do they have that right after all the pain and suffering that a OM/OW caused the BS?

I'm not saying that I would or that we ever will encounter the OM (odds are 55M-to-1) but it's like what if we did? Does my WW really think that I'm going to contain myself and act like a ********* gentlemen? shake hands maybe? High five? My first reaction would be to rip his ***********heart from his chest or up through his throat and she wants me to to civil?? What the
******* is that?

Again, this is all hypothetical but it brings up a more realistic issue of how my WW feels about the OM. I wonder why she doesn't feel the same disdain that I do for someone who almost ruined our lives as we know it. Should she? Or does she truly feel what she says and wants to move on and let go.. Have I not let go? Will I ever let it go and release myself of the pain and suffering I experienced from her betrayal, ever if it was a ONS... and she's clinically diagnosed with depression and was in a very bad place at the time..

Your thoughts please...
POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE ONLY. I KNOW HOW THE BUNCH IN THIS GROUP CAN BE... ALL BADLY BURNED AND STILL SMOKING..... ;-/

EM

Nope...

The FWS DOES have the right to ask you to behave in a way that's best for your marriage and recovery. That would include not creating a lot of anxiety by forcing a confrontation.

There's nothing that requires civility on your part. There's nothing that requires you to acknowledge his existance at all.

I think you should evaluate your response in terms of the effect it will have on your recovering marriage.



No, she can't even if she wanted to. Your situation is unique to you. She can try to sympathize but she'll never feel the SAME way you do.

Most FWS's see the OP as a shameful reminder of the damage we have done to ourselves and our spouses. We just want them to go away. We don't feel anger at the other person...we feel anger and shame toward ourselves because we let it happen.

Low

Earthman, hopefully no one here in this forum will conduct themselves as shabbily and ill mannered as you did when you were here. Many people earnestly tried to help you and were repaid with childish name calling and nasty comments because you did not like the sound advice you received. As nasty and rude as you were - and ungrateful - I doubt you will get many responses; nor should you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I love that woman

oh lighten up Francis.. life is short...

and get over it... it's an Internet board for Christ's sake..

***********
;-P

the best thing about mb is that they dont discriminate. even if you have a serious mental illness, social instability, homosexual dining fantasies, or frequent childish outbursts.

some people are right where they belong.


wow

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Watch out, Biggles, Earthman will get his feelings hurt again and go crying to the Recovery about how "angry" we are over the GQII forum! lol

He whined the following on the Recovery forum after he called one poster "stupid" and told another one to "shut your pie hole" on GQII:



Oh, he's a regular PEACH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> "*******" indeed!

that is your wife...hoping you'll be civil, and thus reinforcing to her that she has made the right choice to work on being married.....your behaviours count too....what matters most to you, his blood, or her respect and admiration...

if ever the both of you come into contact, ignore and move away...cross the street, move to the other side of the room...or leave the function altogether ....

there is really no need to be civil because there should never be a need to acknowledge him....





kind of like the nasty comments you yourself are making??....don't be nasty in return....and who are you to judge if someone should get responses or not....

I don't see you even addressing the topic...which has some merit, might I add.....you just take offence to something ignorable....and pop in to warn him, make some nasty comments of your own...why are you sinking to his level??




It is so very much more than a message board...you have no idea....it is a place where peoples lives connect, where sharing and hurting and loving all come together....and where you, at the end of your computer have the power to help or to harm......a careless '2x4' and someone can slit their wrists in a bathtub.....we have shared deaths, births, joy and pain here....don't ever think this is JUST a message board...



that's just rude, offensive and uncalled for...

a mod will be by here because you are way out of line, earthman...

uh oh, I believe you are violating your own principle with this post! Using your own principle, then you yourself are being "nasty" and stooping to a lower level by responding. However, it may be a ridiculous assertion to say that pointing out that someone is "nasty" is being nasty. Saying someone is nasty is not being nasty. Get it?

Be careful where you point that finger of judgement, bluntgirl, it might bite you in the [censored] with the hypocrite stick as it has here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I don't think it's fair for your W to expect you to act "civil" in front of the OM. My H told me if I wanted to he would help me smash the OW's car windows in with a bat. Of course, we are both more mature than that, but he never defends her & fully expects me to completely flip a lid if we ever run into OW, which is probably not even an issue as he cheated over in Iraq with another female soldier who doesn't even live in our state and is no longer in his unit.

lol ML.....

talk about the pot calling the kettle black....

I really didn't think I was being nasty....I did not stoop to name calling as Earthman did, nor did I take him to task for prevous behaviours here...which had nothing to do with his thread....

I was trying to point out that you don't even answer the thread topic, you just bust in and begin ripping him a new [censored]....and then post things from recovery...and childishly make fun of him....

your post reeked of disrespect, and to be honest, until you did that, Earthman was just asking a question...

what did any of what you wrote have to do with his question?...


why meet his rudeness with your own???!??!


it came across as petty, and you are better than that...

Bluntgirl, I suggest you read EM's prior threads before you presume to comment about the posters here who criticize EM's tendencies. Once you have, once you understand the history, you will be in a better position to know why people are making the comments they are. His past behaviors (sic) most certainly DO have something to do with this thread.

but why......this thread is the one in the here and now....this thread is the one I am responding to...this has nothing to do with his previous threads or previous rude behaviour....his previous behaviours had nothing to do with this thread until ML brought it up....


this has to do solely with this one....this thread has a legit question attached to it...

and as I previously said...I was wondering why ML didn't comment on the actual subject matter, but instead brought up his previuous rude behaviour and attacked him....

if you meet rudeness with rudeness...you are simply coninuing and escalating a cycle....and her post came across as completely antagonistic...especially considering she was aware of his previous behaviour....

Blunt girl,
I understand that you mean well.

But defending dirt dud is just a waste of both your time and energy.

You'd be better served just placing the last few shovel fulls over his head and let him go back to his resting place.
(well one can hope)

oh my gosh....I am not defending him....

he was rude....and in the wrong...as I peviously pointed out in my first posting to this thread..

and Justuss thankfully edited his offensiveness....

but................


if you 'know' what he is like, then why taunt him?....

and placing a few shovel fulls over his head is akin to causing his death...and in my opinion is rude as well...if you or ML or anyone takes offence at earthman's name calling, then why be guilty of it yourself...(dirt dud)....how is it he can be guilty of these things....he gets called out on it....but you all can name call, be rude to him, and it's ok???!?!?


I am trying to understand....

I have been accused of hypocrisy....yet seem to be surrounded by it at the same time...

Bluntgirl, let's ease up on the drama here, okay? You're only being "accused" of not knowing enough about what has happened before. Again, just read the previous threads on this forum and others here at MB. Then you'll understand why EM isn't going to get any breaks.

i agree on this thread but only to the extent that the legitimacy is maintained under crucial aspects of frequent moderation.

beyond that i dont know how to comment.

I am being accused of being a hypocrite with the above...


no drama.....as said, I am struggling to understand why it is not ok for earthman to do these things, but it is ok for those responding to him to reflect it back at him....

seriously..I am trying to see and reconcile how he can be taken to task for something and then be treated to the exact same thing he is being accused of by his attackers!


if these behaviours and name-calling are not ok, then they are not ok for anyone...

I mean come on, to deride him for name calling, and then for him to be called dirt dud.....


so to interact with him, do we really need to act like him?

ok Blunt.. I AM TORRY..

[censored] is a horrible word and I apologize.

and this is much more than an Internet Board.. It's just that she popped in to tell me I wasn't wanted, which I find amusing.. Banished from a virtual support group.

BTW, I think people should get REAL help in addition to wallowing on this forum.. Church support, MC, IC, meds. whatever... this is one of many resources.

AND will behave as long as I'm not attacked..

Peace..
EM

uh..... huh, huh... WHAT?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />