Appear together, where?

The closing is at a Title Company -
If it's like one we had before, it's quick- just have to
show ID, and sign numerous forms. The proceeds check will
be given to us on the spot (has to be written to us both)
so I hoped we could just go immediately to the bank to
deposit it, and while there want to have him sign/notarize the "stipulations" form I made (regarding this settling the debt on credit cards and my car, so he can't try to make me pay his bills later or get my car).

Was feeling pretty good today until I got back from lunch
and had a voicemail from WH.
He said he needed to "get with me" so we could discuss and make arrangements to get our house up for sale "as soon as
possible".
Said he knew "I wouldn't be happy", but that I'd known "for
months" that we needed to do this, and it was time to get
it done since it's coming into summer buying season.
Said he'd been "patient" and given me as much time as he
could but he didn't want to keep making payments on it since
he would have to start paying on the other house soon, and
that "I should be able to find another place easily if I'd
put some effort into it".

Said he had not been calling lately because he'd been really
busy, but also because he didn't like me "bugging him",
"asking him the same questions over again" or "wanting to
work on things" because "he wants to be alone", isn't going
to "change his mind", and I needed to "accept it".

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR!! I am so upset, mad, and hurt !
I'm not that surprised about the house, but just having him say it so "matter of fact", without any regard to the fact that I don't have another place to go, have a small income and might be losing my job, kills me.
He works with real estate, so certainly knows that it is
expensive around here, and that things in my price range are
limited, not in great areas of town and/or not very nice.
Also, with my small income, or especially if I lose my job
I am going to have a very hard time qualifying for any kind
of loan.
He also knows I have the dog, and we went to big effort when
we got our current house to make sure it had a nice yard
for her. Now he doesn't care if she's in a tiny place with
no yard.
All this while he's in a very nice, freshly renovated house
in a nice area of town......makes me so sick !

Also, his comments about me "bugging him" ?????
I don't call except in the rare case I need to pass on an
important phone message or info regarding our finances.
If I do have contact, it's been short and to the point.

Yes, in the past I have asked him about the OW, about their relationship, have said I still believed in him and "us", have said I felt we could work out our issues, make a great
marriage, have a "fresh start". I've said I loved and missed
him, wanted him to end A, and all that stuff... but why
does this make him mad, and why now ???

Obviously, I've heard his "want to be alone" speel about
a million times by now and since he's been with OW all along
it's nothing but a "lie", so why keep telling me this ?

Why is so determined to tell me he isn't going to "change
his mind" ? Does he REALLY want me to give up, give in, move on, and not care ?

And finally, why does he want me to "accept it", and why
would he ever think I would ??? His lies, betrayal, hurt,
and him abandoning our life and marriage for that piece of
trash w***e OW will NEVER be okay, and never accepted by
me.

Sorry, I'm just venting. My first thought was to call and
blast WH for his ridiculous message, but I thought better of that and came here. I'm angry, and I'm so devastated
right now.
Slammed

I am so sorry for all that you are going through!

Refresh my memory - have you all ready visited with an attorney, and talked about your rights with the house you are in as well as the new house he is in?

I don't remember why it is that he feels like this new house is all his and not part of the marital property?

Please make sure you are getting expert legal advice. not just a mediator, not just a well intentioned friend. You are in a very vulnerable position right now, and it would be easier for him to take advantage of you right now. Please do not let that happen.

Thanks WOF5,
I don't know if WH has talked to a lawyer at all, but I
have consulted with one in regards to how things would
work if we divorce, my rights, and how things are "split".

The new house and everything related to it are in WH's name
only so for practical purposes it's considered "his",
although if we D it would be considered a marital asset.
However, since it's been under a "rehab" loan since it's
purchase last fall (no mortgage) there is no equity in it
so no benefit to me.
"Our" house (where I live now) is owned by both of us and
we've been in it long enough for it to have some equity.
The normal arrangement would be for it to be sold and the
profits split, unless we both agreed to some other plan.

H was always generous and fair as far as finances, but WH
is more interested in HIS finances and taking care of him.
I can understand him not wanting to continue to pay on the
mortage at our house when he doesn't live there anymore
(I pay half), but I'm not the one that chose to move out,
not the one who bought another house and ran up big bills
and debts because of it (and A) and feel it's SO unfair to
to have to lose my home (which I love) along with everything
else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Slammed

It's been a really tough weekend again.

Nothing has happened with WH, but I have come very close
to just picking up the phone and calling him to say "I
give up. I will quit loving you, believing in you, and
wanting to recover our M, you win".
I guess I just feel hopeless, now that the A has continued
on for longer than the average affair, and shows no sign of
ending, despite all the points against it and anything I've
done/not done.

I felt like I did a good Plan A at each opportunity (before
the PA started, during each of their "break ups", and while
WH was home earlier this year), kept my cool when WH moved
out and later when OW moved in with him, and have basically
had no contact the past several weeks now, at his doing,
so really am at a loss after getting his message Friday
saying "I was bugging him" (how???), he wasn't going to
"change his mind", and that I needed to "accept it".

I realize that it sometimes seems the BS has to have really
"let go" of the WH before they see what they are losing and
change their mind, but at the rate WH is going, now pushing
to sell our house, perhaps doing the D paperwork and seeming
a million miles distant from me, won't it be too late and
past the point of no return if the A does end ??
I guess I feel like any of the good memories, history,
plans together and even good and special time we spent
together as recently as February are all gone from WH's mind.

I guess that's what hitting me lately- the fact that WH
really and truly is "gone" and we aren't a couple or even
friends anymore. I guess I felt like still having the house
with so many of his belongings here, the dog he loved so
much, the mutual accounts and properties together, and a
long, loving history of sticking together were going to
make a difference, but they haven't.
I've prayed and prayed until I just don't know what to say
anymore, and know others are praying for me too, but I don't
feel any relief or direction.
Paired with likely losing my job in a couple months, and having no prospects for new jobs or a place to live, I'm just feeling down, down, down.

If it seems there is still any point to it, I was still
going to give WH the PBL when I see him this week at our
land closing. I will post it on a seperate thread to see
if I can get some thoughts, suggestions or ideas.
Thanks in advance for your feedback.
Slammed

Hi Slammed,
Sorry you are having a rough weekend...and weekends are slow on the board.
I'm thinking of plan B next week too. We have art night at school on Thursday. I had hoped to hold out until June 21 when my DS graduates 8th grade. But I don't think I can take this intermittent contact. Even though in my head I know he is WS and cake eating. In my heart it gives me hope. I'm tired of thinking about him.

I am concerned about my ability to do a good plan B. I am such a sucker.

It must be hard for you knowing WH is living w/ OW. KNOW this...it CANNOT last. Living w/ someone who is bipolar is not easy. Sure they can be very charming and fun....but off meds irractic behavior, foul tempered and then the depression. Med compliance is the most difficult thing for bipolars...on meds rational behavior, clear thought, they feel normal so they don't think they need meds. Plus that euphoric feeling when they cycle up is very addictive. But the crash-n-burn is devasting. He will need a committed partner willing to ride out the highs and lows and enc him to be compliant. OW are not cut from that cloth.

((((slammed))))

You have not done Plan B. The typical process to bring an end to a LTA is PLAN A AND PLAN B. So you have NOT DONE all that you can do. It's your choice, though, if you want to give up. If you give up now, you hand your WH over to the OW on a silver platter...



Slammed, for some reason, you are not getting this..

You cannot listen to the words of a WH....

You are allowing HIM to be IN CONTROL..That's like letting the TAIL wag the DOG..he is CLUELESS..you need to be the one with THE PLAN...



Come on, Slammed. Do you know my story? I sold our dream house, had a legal separation, my FWH bought a condo, eventually moved in with the OW....now happily recovered 3 years...the answer was PLAN B..he had to feel that he was LOSING me and he definitely MISSED me...told me this again just this weekend..how FEARFUL that made him....

I'm concerned though about whether or not you are protecting yourself from him legally...I feel that you definitely need to consult with a lawyer before your land sale..have you?.. are you sure that he does not owe you SPOUSAL SUPPORT?....are you sure that you are not entitled to half of his present house?..he made need to sell it before you agree to sell the house that you live in...do what is BEST for YOU and ONLY YOU at this point...



Yes, he is gone. I decided that as long as my H was with another woman, he was GONE to me. I wanted him to myself and if I couldn't have him to myself I didn't want to be his friend. Why do you want to be his friend? You want him as your H..so you have to FIGHT for him..NOT GIVE UP!! FIGHTING MEANS PLAN B.....

See a lawyer before that LAND SALE if you have not already. It concerns me that a lawyer is not involved....

Of course, you should do PLAN B..

Why in the world are you questioning this?

What makes your situation different than anybody else's here?

If you maintain this mindset, Slammed, I'm sorry to tell you this but your marriage will be over...

And worse yet, YOU WILL NOT RECOVER....

Hold your chest up high, get back up on the horse and FIGHT...THIS IS A BATTLE..

Mimi, going out for her POWER WALK and signing...

I forgot to ask....why will you be losing your job? What is your dream job. What do you love to do? Maybe this isn't an ending but an opportunity to try something you ordinarily would not.

Do you have plans to keep yourself busy for plan B?

slight thread jack....

mimi...I just soaked up some of the advice you just gave slammed. Thanks. I'm looking at plan B next week too.

...end of thread jack <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Said he knew "I wouldn't be happy", but that I'd known "for
months" that we needed to do this, and it was time to get
it done since it's coming into summer buying season.
Said he'd been "patient" and given me as much time as he
could but he didn't want to keep making payments on it since
he would have to start paying on the other house soon, and
that "I should be able to find another place easily if I'd
put some effort into it".

Said he had not been calling lately because he'd been really
busy, but also because he didn't like me "bugging him",
"asking him the same questions over again" or "wanting to
work on things" because "he wants to be alone", isn't going
to "change his mind", and I needed to "accept it".


Come on SLAMMED

Can't you SEE it...

he lays the selling of the house in a crappy crappy way...
says HE'S BEEN PATIENT>>>>?????

then immediately goes on the defense...

he feeeeeeels sooooooooo upset over you bugging him..

what a JOKE????!!!!!!!!

he says that to defuse the crappy way he is saying get out of the house...

don't do a n y t h i n g....

with the house...


ark

Thanks ChaCha,
I understand exactly how you feel- even though I've known
WH was cake-eating and "fence sitting" as well, it's given
me some hope and make me feel some optomism for us when he
would call or want some contact with me. I realized though
that it was getting us nowhere and just allowing it to keep
on, with no end in sight and that was frustrating.
Recently my WH has changed and is no longer calling or wanting to see me, which was hard to take and understand.
Mimi is very good at seeing through the WS actions, and was
able to help me understand what was likely going on.

You are right about bi-polar not being easy to live with.
WH was just diagnosed in January after having been mid-diagnosed and on the wrong meds for five years ! He is on
meds now and good with taking them, but is not yet what is
considered "controlled" so is still grouchy and more on the
depressed side. Yet, even this and the legal consequences
coming up due to the DUI he got in December haven't cooled
the A or OW's persistence to keep WH.

The situation with my job is that I took a new position
(same field) about 1.5 years ago after my job of 18 years was being done away with, and the new job is commission based. I'd never worked commission sales before, but have
found it is very difficult to keep up the high sales level
we are required to keep as a "rolling average". I have
worked very hard at it, receive great reviews and thanks
from clients, repeat business, referrals, and high marks
for customer service, but was just put on "warning" about
three weeks ago, because I am below the required sales
production. I have two months to make up the defecit of
12 months, and it's a huge amount, so I doubt I will make it
and will lose the job. I love travel and have been doing
it for 20 years now, but it's not a very stong career
field anymore and most related jobs are low paying or
commission. I wouldn't mind to do something else but don't
know what else to do and have other skills.

Mimi-
You are always such a support and gave me a much needed
"pep" talk- thank you.
You know I don't want to give up my WH or our M, but I feel
like I've tried so many things, every "angle", and gone
through so much with this that it feels very defeating.

The reason I thought it might be too late for Plan B was
that most people here seem to have done it without their
WS pushing for selling the home, talking about filing D,
etc. so I thought maybe it was too late in my case.

You're right- I have to remember that this is WH talking and
not H. It's just hard to always have negative and angry things said to me when I've done nothing to deserve them,
don't bother WH, and do my best being on my own and taking
care of things without him.

I didn't realize your story and know that you had sold your
house and really moved on ~ you really have courage Mimi
and that gives me hope that maybe there really isn't a point
"beyond return" unless I want or allow it to be there.

Yes, I did talk to a lawyer about the land sale and we've
also done this once before with another piece of land we had
bought for an investment. It's basically just the sale of
this land to a developer who is going to build on it and
after pay-off of the balance, the proceeds go to WH and
I. I am going to pay off my car and my only credit card
and wrote out a "stipulation" so WH could not later run up
more credit card bills of his own and try to make me help
pay for them or get my car, which the lawyer said would
be a good idea and binding, as long as it's notarized.
WH has said he has no problem with that, but I want it
in writing !

I also have talked to the lawyer about legal seperation and how things would go if we did divorce. He advised that there is not much purpose to getting a LS since we have no kids and WH has continued to be agreeable about paying on the joint bills and expenses (is that what you meant by
spousal support ?) If we do divorce, I was advised that I
might be able to get support for a short time, but am not
a great candidate for it since I've always worked and am
capable of doing so.
Our state is basically 50/50 on everything else, so either
the item is sold and proceeds split, or you can come to
an agreement about one person getting something in lieu of
something else.
That house where WH lives now has no mortgage on it (is
still on a "rehab" loan") so currently has no equity in it.
He has to get a mortage or sell it by August, and is not
willing to sell it, so will have to qualify for the loan
with just his income and then will have to make the big
payments, pay the HOA dues, and all the expenses related to
a big house by himself. I don't know if there's any way for
me to get any profit from it when any equity would be "down
the road" but possibly I could get him to agree that all
the proceeds from sale of our house (where I am) go to me
"in lieu" of anything from that house. ? (just a thought)

WH has been good, throughout the A and seperations in
paying towards the joint bils and expenses. I have given
him a list of the bills each month and include expenses
like gas, groceries, dog needs, RX and "spending" money.
I've then deducted my income, and he's paid the rest without
much fuss.

You are right about H (and WH) being gone, and I don't want
him back as WH.
I was surprised to hear WH say, several times, while in IC that he considered me as his best friend, valued it, and would really miss that if we split up.
That yucky counselor of his asked me if I would want to
remain friends if we weren't together but I said NO-
because friends don't lie to you, stab you in the back,
betray you, or hurt you.
I think WH viewed that more as being "spite", or me "not
getting my way, so I won't play", but I really feel that
WH does not deserve my friendship- it's another form of
cake-eating !

I guess I will pull my boot-straps up again, put on the
helmet, and get back on the horse and get back to the
battle. Will see what I can find for job and training
options, keep myself busy getting some things accomplished
today, and get out of this "pity party" mood.
Will check back later-
Slammed

He's likely not contacting you because the OW is keeping him under tight reign. He wanted to be with you before she was living with him. He probably misses you and is thinking that you will be there for him. He also is probably resenting the OW for controlling him. Make sure that he knows he risks losing you for good if he doesn't break off with the OW. Plan B will have a greater impact than you think, I bet.

As far as figuring out what you need to do for yourself, I know it's daunting to try to make a career change with so much upheaval in your life. But.. if you could be 18 years old again and have the perspective you do now, what would you have done with your life? What would you have studied or pursued? If you fantasize about what your life could've been, what do you see?

You're still young, so if you want to go back to school or do something really different and even whacky, you can. Free yourself from feeling so responsible and think creatively... reach inside and figure out who you really are. It sounds like you've been a dutiful wife taking care of a sick husband, a dutiful employee and dutiful friend and family member. You seem to have lost yourself, while making everyone else's needs eclipse what you want and need.

Let your mind roam free and figure out what you might like to do with your life. Then, figure out a way to do it. You deserve an adventure. Not only will it do wonders for you, but if you want to really show your WH, then that's the way to do it -- to move on and do something really exciting with your life. Let him be stuck with that freakish, immoral sleazebag, while you are free to go off and have a new life.

A few years from now, when you're in a new and better life, you may feel grateful that your selfish and weak husband forced you into evaluating your life and doing something new. You may or may not even want him, once you find your way to a better life.

Sometimes, rotten things in life lead to better places. I hope this is true for you.

Slammed you said:



My FWH did all of this stuff.

Plan B is perfect for you since your WH is such a cake-eater like mine was...shows the effectiveness of your Plan A...




I don't know much about legal matters but I would think that you could get a LS if you chose to do so. I did with no plans of getting a divorce. I wanted to make sure that I was legally protected. Spousal support is the same as alimony. I had a well-paying job at the time and am in a good career. However, I had worked part-time while our children were small AND even with my present job did not make as much money as my H. In my state, I was legally entitled to SPOUSAL SUPPORT..same as CHILD SUPPORT...a separate monthly amount that he had to pay me.. an amount based on his income and mine. Plus, he had to maintain the family home..that is, pay the mortgage but I don't recall if that was because I had a child still at home....

SO PLEASE CONSULT A LAWYER before putting your house up for sale. Only put your house up for sale if it is in your best interests.



If yours is a 50-50 state like mine, how can he purchase a house while he is married? I don't think so....



He would have to pay you half of what the house is worth....in order to buy you out..think in terms of the house's value..not what is owed...



You can't count on this continuing....a "GOOD" WH?

Mimi-
I'm glad to know other WS have gone as far as mine and
the M has still been recoverable- I do see more hope
in Plan B now, just wish I would have started it right
when WH moved out and seemed to miss me and feel lonely
in the new house. Of course, I had no idea OW would be
moving in so quickly..and can't change do anything about
it except move forward.

I didn't mean to sound like I can't do a legal seperation,
just that the lawyer indicated there wasn't much benefit
to it when there are no kids and the WS is continuing to
pay on the bills and expenses. My WH has at least been
doing this without a problem, at least so far.
I didn't decide to do it based on his advise, and because
it costs to do it, but still could if it becomes necessary.

The lawyer advised I might be able to get spousal support
(alimony) but that in marriages that are fairly "short",
and when the BS has worked and is capable of doing so, the
chances aren't great. Also, if it was ordered it would be
for a MAX of 2 years at best. Guess it would come down to how all the other issues are resolved and the judge too..

WH does legally have to continue to pay towards our joint
bills and expenses, and would have to continue to pay on this mortgage (half) until it is sold or I took over the
payments. I love the house and would love to keep it, but
can't afford it, so probably will have no choice but to
sell. To be practical, I don't need this much space for
just the dog and me and don't need the big yard to deal with, but still moving is an awfully hard thought.

According to the lawyer, WH is able to purchae a vehicle,
real estate or property in his own name, married or not,
without restriction, so there's nothing to stop him from
getting a mortage on the other house in just his name,
just that he'll have to apply and qualify based on his
income only. I don't think he'll have a problem though-
he qualifed for the "rehab loan" with just himself, and
since he works in the banking/finance field, always knows
where/how to get a good deal.
What the lawyer said about the new house as far as a marital
asset was that if it had equity in it, WH would either have
to sell and split proceeds or give me half the equity value.
However since it's still under a "rehab loan" (where the
payments have been "interest only")and has no equity, it
currently is in a position of being "upside down" meaning
there is more money owed on it than it is currently worth.
Once it's under a mortgage, payment have been made, and it
might start to appreciate, it would have some equity but
I don't know if there's a way for me to get any money from
it based on what it will be worth in the future- will have
to find out more about that.

I'm sure that part of WH's being good about paying on the
bills and expenses have been partly his knowing he has
legal obligations, and also maybe some guilt. (?)'
(I am also on his health insurance)
I do try to be very careful with money, am not a real big
shopper, use coupons, buy things on sale, etc. but also
contribute all my income to our joint "pot" of bills, so
WH is not solely supporting me. If he does become difficult
about paying things, then I will have to do the LS.
Please give me your thoughts on my PBL when you have a chance.

Grownup-
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
You may be right about OW keeping tight "reign" on WH,
as she is a very controlling and paranoid person. When
he was back at home during our brief and ultimately false
recovery, she would call repeatedly, even once calling 13 times in a four hour period ! I would think it would drive WH NUTS to be on such a short leash, but that's his problem.

It is very daunting to now have the job situation going on
in the midst of the seperation and issues with WH as well.
I feel very sad to think about leaving my career field after
going to collge, getting certified, and working my way up
for so many years to be very good in this field. However,
I'm just not making enough money anymore-
I am not opposed to doing something different, just don't
know what to do with my limited skill set and very limited
finances. I don't mind going to school or taking classes
but will have to work at the same time and have some kind
of financial aid, which may not be easy.
My dream jobs as a young peson were not very practical at
the time and stil aren't (music, photography, pharmacy)
which is probably why I didn't go in those directions, but
there still must be something out there I can do and enjoy
while making enough money to support myself-
I would love to "shock the pants" off WH by doing something
different, on my own, and not need him for support !

Slammed

Hi Slammed,

Don't you dare sell that house for him. You stay there and don't move a muscle. Then, you educate yourself on your property rights. He is not going to sell the house just so he can use that money to buy the one that he is in with OW.

Do your research, protect yourself and get a good lawyer. Your lawyer seems a bit wishy washy and doesn't advise you on your rights as the still married spouse. Don't hand H over to OW without a fight. If you lose the battle, then you make him pay dearly, because you will have done your homework.

You look out for you ok???

(((Slammed)))

Beauty- glad to hear from you and thanks for your support.


I don't want to have to sell the house, but if WH does
not have to continue to pay on the mortgage and expenses
there may not be a choice because I can't afford to pay
the mortgage and related expenses myself.
I know I can't expect to stay here and have WH "support
me" and I hate even the thought of that, but I'm just not ready to have to sell it, look for an affordable place, leave a nice area of town and nice, large house for a small, cheap place that won't be as nice, and think of all the effort to move when I already have the relationship situation and now my job issue to worry about.
I will talk to the lawyer again to find out more about this
situation as we didn't talk much about this before.

I'm not sure that he wants the money from sale of the house
as much as he wants to just be rid of the expense of having
to pay on the mortgage, utilities, cable, phone, etc. but
it's still a huge burden and inconvenience on me to have to
move and to find anything I can afford or qualify for, esp.
with the job situation. I've been wondering if there may be
a way to have me receive all the profits of the house in leiu of me having any interests in the other house, which
currently has no equity, so will check on that too.

I don't have a desire to "take him to the cleaners" or be
unfair if we D, but I certainly do have to look out for my-
self and my interests since I have to be able to have a place to live, things I need, some security, etc.
Funny how when WH moved here ten years ago, he had no job,
no money, and an old car, while I owned my own house, had
a good job, a paid-off car, no bills, and all I needed.
Now, the tables are turned and he has a good job, a new house, income, a new car, and all he needs/wants while I
am struggling and feel guilty buying my lunch once a week !

At least after the land sale this week I can pay off my car
and will pay off my one credit card- then at least I won't
have any other bills except paying half of the mortgage,
2nd, utilities, etc. WH is the one that has more bills since
he has child support to pay, as well as some credit cards.

We also should be getting our tax refund soon, and my part
of that will go to savings so I will have it "down the road"
for whatever I need it for.

How is your situation going ?
Slammed

I'm not saying take him to the cleaners, I meant, get what is rightfully yours. If you don't know, then he will take you to the cleaners.

Our sitch is fine. No claims from OW lately. H had surgery and is recovering well. I'm not hanging out much on this board. I have moved to the recovery board, where I belong.

Slammed:

Gaining your WH's respect is essential. We want you to get some fight in you, Girlfriend!!!



IT IS NECESSARY! Your H is a WH. He can no longer be trusted especially when caught up totally now with the OW.



Is this lawyer a friend of your H's or something? If all you can get is 2 years, then so be it but GO FOR THE MAX!
This is not an amicable separation that you are agreeable to, is it? Your H is kicking you to the curb for another woman? He is encouraging you to move out of your house onto the street while he lives in a new house with her. THIS IS CAUSE FOR A FIGHT! You do not need to lie down and allow him to do this to you. Listen to this, HE WILL FIND YOU MORE ATTRACTIVE IF HE RESPECTS YOU!!!



So plan to wait it out until this happens...

I see what is happening...my H did something like this...trying to hold off purchasing his condo while he played around there..YUCK!!!..He will eventually have to do a CLOSING....he knows some tricks because he is a banker/lender...



Why do you want to wait until this happens? It will. Protect yourself. Get the LS NOW!!! Even you don't believe me, I was advised to do this IMMEDIATELY by Steve Harley. You have to PROTECT YOURSELF. Your H is not looking out for you at this point. He is only looking out for himself. Do not let him fool you. He HAS NO GUILT. His aim is to continue his A. I'm sorry to say this to you. I know how much it hurts. But FIGHTING is the ONLY OPTION you have to bring the A to an end. This may not make sense to you but BEING NICE to him now is just maintaining the status quo. The point is to rock the boat...

I think that legal protection needs to go HAND IN HAND with the PLAN B letter. You cannot have one without the other. PLAN B requires a conviction on your part that you are ready to end your marriage if he does not end his A.

Think of it as getting every penny you can, and holding it in trust against the day when you have the chance to put your family back together. Think of it as protecting every penny you can from being spent on the OW. It's not about revenge.

Stand Up and Fight- Part II



I would think that you can get a separation agreement stipulating that he continue to do this since he has abandoned you.



Why not? This is what a H is supposed to do and any loving H would more than want to do. You want a H who has the expectation of taking care of his wife.



Why not? I'm not understanding you. Your H has ABANDONED you and wants to KICK YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE so that he can be with another woman!!! An extreme response to this is more than expected.



This so so sad that you are willing to be so nice to him now.

You deserve some payment for how you have contributed your blood, sweat and tears to his present success.

Stop letting him ABUSE AND USE you, Slammed!!

IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO FIGHT FOR YOUR SELF-RESPECT AND DIGNITY!!

In doing this, YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!!

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