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Joined: Dec 2004
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I ran across some interesting news the other day regarding my exWW and her BF, who is also a WH...

It appears that not only has my exWW moved to TX, but so has her BF! Apparently, he is having major financial troubles with school loans and such. So does this mean that the two of them are living together in my ex-MIL's house along with my ex-BIL, his wife, and their two children? OMG!

If this is true, I am amazed at the amount of enabling that my MIL is doing! She evidently is just so very frightened of losing her daughter's love that she will allow ANYTHING!

Two other interesting tidbits:

-I have not seen my exWW's nicer, newer car (yes, she had two cars, while being a student in school...call me a sucker already) It was a '02 TA ram air convertible - her dream car. I am thinking that she was forced to sell it due to the financial pressures she must be facing...she still had 3 or so years of payments left on it.

-Both her and her BF have been thrown out of the program that allowed them to visit Central America to do surgery on crippled children. It was through this program that they originally met, and now neither of them can return to it due to their unethical behavior. I know her BF took the residency in LA just so he could participate in the project.

Now if true karma were to be served, my exWW would fail her upcoming exam once again. That would force her to delay her practice yet another year.

It may not seem this way, but I actually do not hope that bad things befall her. I just want her to see what she did, accept full responsibility for her part of things, and be truly repentent. It would help heal many wounds...


TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
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TravellinMan,

She may have gotten everything as you say, but I doubt it. You can't buy back your honor, your integrity or your self respect.

In my book, you are the one who has it all. You may look at your new life with trepidation, but you won't be carrying that 500 lb monkey named adulteress on your back for the next 20 years.

Best of luck.

BTW most hospital credentialing commitees look very unfavorably on applicants that leave residency programs abruptly and/or flunk licensing exams. Life apparently isn't all peaches and cream with these two chuckleheads.


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Thanks Cy..

Good to hear from you again.


I actually have very little trepidation at what the future has in store...more like anticipation.

I have begun to look at life and myself in new and very interesting ways. This event has truly proved to be a watershed moment for me. I have turned the corner, so to speak, and am starting a new company this year...

It is all up from there.


I think of all the friends I never would have met had this not occurred in my life. I have some of the most rewarding friendships I have had ever.


To all those that can't see the light yet....it is there. You gotta believe it is there before you will be able to see it.


Believing is seeing, ya know.



TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
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TM~~

Very nice thoughts in above post about friends.
I have met some of my best also during the last 4 years when my life has been completely upside down.

It may be too soon still, but I wanted to ask.
Do you feel any sadness "yet" for your xw?
As I said, it may be too soon.
What I mean is, it sounds like she has/had the world, and she chose this path of destruction, so to speak.

It's is a shame what they do in selfishness.

Karona


Divorced 12/17/2003 Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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Karona -

I have felt sadness for my exWW for some time now. I felt it because I know where she is headed, and what kind of tempests now lie in her path...things that are created by her self-centeredness...things that will only get worse until she "sees the light" ...which she may never do.

Not my problem anymore.

Thank God.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
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Very True TM, it's not your burden to carry.

When and if they see the light, I have no idea. Hopefully for them though, they will.

K.


Divorced 12/17/2003 Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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How very prophetic of me.

I just spoke with my exWW today, and discovered she failed yet again. The odd thing is, I felt very sad for her. She wept on the phone to me, and I felt it. I even went as far as giving her some advice that may help get over her test-taking anxiety problems...I was (am) not a big enough person (yet) to be able to sit down with her and try to help her with her phobia...but I did not truly receive any joy from knowing she did not pass once again.

I don't feel that when she loses, I win. Her path is her own, now completely independent of my own...

There is one final chance for her before all is lost for another year...they offer the test again in two weeks. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.

My spirits are up overall, this event notwithstanding. I have started to be able to objectively look at this tragic event (the A), and understand that this was ultimately a very important lesson in my life...and maybe even unavoidable. It has raised my awareness and caused a fundamental shift in my outlook for myself and what lies ahead in my life...and even what lies beyond this life. I am not sure if I would have ever become so self-aware had these events not been a part of my life. It would have been nice to arrive at this place by another means, but that probably wouldn't have worked. Would you call it destiny? I am not sure I believe in such a thing...but maybe a necessary lesson - to learn not to put so much into another that you lose yourself completely. A martyr no more.



TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
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Travellin,

Good to hear from you buddy. Enough of her, what are you doing for yourself? dating?


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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TM,
how ya been man? It is so funny to see you post again. I havent been here in a couple of weeks and was thinking about how you were doing before I surfed over.
Your thoughts on the ordeal mirror mine pretty much. While I dont know that it was some kinda destiny, I do know that I am a MUCH better man for the experience.
Just yesterday I met with the ex to give settle up with her for the final amount of equity she had coming in the house. While it felt weird that it was over and that all the legal requirements were now fulfilled.....it was not as sad as I expected it to be. I find myself having a bit more joy in my heart on a daily basis.
Let me know how you are doing. Are you still in H-town or have you made the move to Austin yet?

WCNT

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Hey TM,

Sorry to hear about your exW, but not surprised and neither are you. Bad decisons beget bad outcomes and then more bad decisions.

Sounds as if you are doing well. Are you back in school? Have you made a few decisions along those lines?

God Bless,

JL

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Cy, WCNT, and JL -

Thanks for the replies...it is indeed good to hear from old friends. As to myself...

I am dating around, sort of. I don't feel that I am anywhere near ready, so I have yet to "throw my hat in the ring" altogether. I do casually see a girl, although I know that she is not "enough" for me in the long run...so I guess that is why I feel it is safe for me to be around her. I care for her, but could never truly love her as I should.

I still talk to my friend C, the one who's H was cheating on her. I might be romanticizing things a bit, but I feel that maybe I could possibly end up with her one day. One disclaimer though, I do not allow myself to give her advice that goes contrary to building her marriage/dealing with the A...I do care for her, and want only the best for her - and in her mind, that is to be with her H, no matter the circumstances/consequences. So that is the direction that I tailor my advice.

I have been absolutely inundated with work - busier than ever before in my existing company (the next few weeks I will be Travellin' to LA, Phoenix/Tuscon, New York, and Denver), and now starting a new venture, in the same line of work, with a partner. I hope to become debt free (thanks for the debt load, exWW!) by next year, if not sooner. I still plan on persuing other career options including, but not limited to: med school, real estate development, promotions, and finance. I have written out many short and long-term goals...when you write them down, they sure seem to grow in your mind!

I know I will have many things going at once, no matter which path(s) I choose. I get bored quite easily, so I need change as a constant source of excitement in my life.

I stilll have yet to settle with my ex-MIL, and may end up having to take her to court over the land that my exWW and I were partners in. I would hate to see that, but am prepared to stand my ground.

I have decided on one thing, though. My environment and surroundings are more important to me and my inner sense of peace than my earning opportunities...so I will be moving to one of four areas in the coming year or two, depending on how well the new venture does: Austin, TX (old news); Denver/Boulder, CO; LA/San Diego, CA; or Hawaii.

I will figure out how to make one of these, or more, work in my life. I have started to change my view of life from a position of scarcity (oh, how will I survive!?) to one of abundance (it will work itself out, even if I have to live meagerly or work additional hours...) This was/is one of my more difficult paradigm shifts.

Sorry to prattle on, I just wanted my old friends to have a better view of the inside of my head.


I do not check here all that often, as the new names and horror stories absolutely break my heart. It is not that it brings back all of my pain, but that I know so well the things that they all are going through, and how dark of a time it is for them. I can't stand to think that a new "Just Found Out" occurs each and every day. If only they (wayards) would read here before taking that first fateful step...


I have a few more things to cover, but will do that in the next installment...


TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue

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