Hi just reading your post for the first time and can totally relate. My H and I broke up while we were dating and he went back to his old girlfriend and she became pregnant. We got back together because there was a lot of love there but I must say it has not been easy over the years. We are now married 15 years with 3 kids of our own. We have had NC with OC but I think that might be changing as my H is second guessing it all at this point and thinking he might want contact after all. This has been an emotional roller coaster and very hard to handle at times. My advise to you is to deal with this all front and center and even if you do decide NC --do not bury the fact that he has OC as it might end up coming and biting you in the butt like it did for me. It was easier for me to get married and just own almost pretending like this OC did not exist---NOT POSSIBLE!!!
As for him being a great guy--I totally understand--my H is great with our kids and despite some issues in our lives has overall been a great guy.
take you time and give it a chance if that is where your heart is leading you. Do not feel bad about NC as to be honest if my H would have wanted contact--I probably could not have handled it at the time and never would have married him

WWR, i totally didnt see your post until just now.

We went through a similar thing with my MIL. It is disrespect and it does hurt. Your BF has established boundries and she is running roughshod over them. Some women though when you dangle the idea of grand children in front of them completely lose the plot. That is what i subscribe my MIL's insanity to anyway. It is not fair and it is not right but it has been known to happen.

It is especially not right that she is not supporting your BF at this time. With all the stress going on for him it is important that he has the unconditional support of his family.

So how did it work out? Did he set her straight. I know you guys are thinking NC at the moment and if i was in your position i would be talking to her along the lines of NC for now and see how things pan out. This is still all very fresh and raw for you guys and the OC isnt even born yet is it? she has no business going anywhere near the OW at this time. You havent even had a DNA test done. Ask her how silly she would feel if she got all pally with the OW only to find the baby was the milkmans?

Thinking of you sweetheart.

Carolyn

Two weeks ago i found out that my husband of 4 years slept with a friend of his. I was out of town at the time. He said that it only happened once. We decided to try to recociled our marriage that was until she called to say that she is pregnant and wants this child. In the book surviving an affair states that one should totally separate themselves from the person that they had an affair with. How is that possible in this situation? And how can our marriaged be recociled?

Just wanted to add my two cents. I have been in recovery since 11/2000, and yes, for me it is still recovery.

From my personal experience, which is all I can go on. NC is the best route. We tried C and exOW is a psycho...as it may appear...yours is. We still have minimal and I do mean minimal contact and every time my name comes up, exOW goes into a tail spin and refuses my H any sort of visitation. As we have never been to court, we have no recourse.

We do not pay cs. We did with a verbal agreement for the first 11 months until exOW went psycho. Then we had nc for well over a year. ExOW came out of the wood work and we tried c again. My name came up...and the cycle begins again.

We are down to phone calls which oc initiates and h will return if he misses it. I have never denied c, but my h supports me and our marriage not exOW's tirades so this has been a roller coaster ride all these years.

I agree with those who say nc until after DNA comes back that oc is indeed your BF. There is no need for contact. My H and I were in the waiting room when oc was born because we wanted to be there from the beginning. It was obviously before DNA that this was H child. We still had nc until DNA results were positive.

We have tried nc, c, nc, c, and it is all very hard for everyone involved. I just pray that when oc is old enough, our videos, cards, and gifts will show oc how much we wanted to be a part of his life, but exow got in the way. Only God knows the ending.

I wish you the best of luck and guidance with whatever you do decide. I think the most important piece to this puzzle is one of you moving to where the other is. If your program is not transferrable, then BF needs to suck it up and find a job in CA. You cannot work this out apart. You need to be there for each other whenever those emotions come pouring out...and they will. You need to see each other face to face to work through this. I hope you are able to make this happen.

Recovery is difficult at best, but apart...I think it may be impossible without the two of you living in the same area.

Best of luck