Carnation,

U didn't need to read the plan B letter. You said it best. 'When u r 100% done with the A, then we can talk.' Short and sweet.

Now you gotta mean what you say.

Keep busy and remember, you want your H back. NOT this morphed WS.

L.

Thank you Orchid.

Last night I was markedly getting weak. Not weak in wanting to call him because that would undo all that I had done. But just doubting myself. Fortunately my gf called and we talked and talked.

Thank you very much for responding to me. I know in my heart and head that I did the right thing --- this must stop one way or another.

My best to you - car

ok, carnation, ya know I love ya, but how is giving him the cold shoulder again going to resolve this? It has never worked before. You get mad at him, give him the cold shoulder and he reacts in the usual way by calling you up crying "I love you...." You feel bad, let him back in and then it all starts over again. And you never get the truth.

I feel like I am in the Groundhog Day movie.

The problem is that you are doing this to manipulate him into revealing his secret life, rather than setting out on a determined course of action for your life. Your determined course of action here is a fruitless attempt to manipulate him that will fail. It always fails.

Carnation, I think you are at a place where you simply have to accept him how he is and accept that you cannot change him. You will never be able to manipulate him into becoming an honest, faithful man. Sure, he can make those changes if he chooses, but he doesn't choose. And you must accept that and ask yourself if you can live with a H who lies to you and lives a secret life, and is not sexually attracted to you or if you can't.

But you can't change this man's personality.

Hi Melody. Thanks for replying.

No, it's different this time. At least, I am different. Somehow, well after all the crap last weekend, I have come to a nice peaceful place where I am done with him and his affair. I can not, will not live like that any more.

I feel strangely calm. Like God is here. Really. I am not planning on hearing from him at all. He closes the door on everyone in his life, apparently except his cheating partner... so they deserve each other.

I am not angry, not real sad, nothing. If I think about it enough, oh I can get angry. This man used me for years. Yes, he probably did "care about me and worry about me" -but frankly I have alot of people who do that... I need a husband, or at least for him to act like one.

Tonight I was babysitting. My gd who is 3, and a little 3, she weighs 25 lbs, asked me if she could lay next to me on the couch - they know grandma doesn't make them go to bed in their beds, grandma is here !!! Well, she snuggeled up to me, I put my arms around her and the tears came. What I was feeling in my arms for the first time in a very very long time -- was love !!! And it felt good.

Thank you for thinking of me. Right now I am in a pretty good place. It is nice and quiet and calm here. I seriously do not think he will be back... and what would I be missing --- aggravation.

My best to you, car

Turning point...... that's what you've reached.

T/b loved by your little one is a safe reminder of how it s/b and U don't need to settle for anything less.

U see yourself setting the stakes for any return as higher not lower?

Hope so.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid, so nice of you to reply.



I truly, truly believe that I will not hear from him. And how sad is that ? That I could have spent this much time, and of giving myself to him completely and what did I get in return... heartache and a man who has apparently left me for his young lover and who does not even have the guts to even tell me ??? Oh, did I mention the $$ he has spent of mine, granted he didn't steal it.. but...

I gave this my all, I really believe I did. I probably should have gone to Plan B a looooonnngggg time ago, but I was not ready. It's like the old saying goes that you have to find out for yourself. Eveyone can tell the addict that he must quit, but until he sees it for himself... he is not going to change. I keep thinking that I have come to this conclusion so quickly, but of course I have been living with this A for a long time, unfortunately a lot longer than I had thought. So, this week when I felt like I had finally reached the end of this, my decision came very very easy to make and I have not regretted once yet.

I am truly at peace right now. Finally. I have been living in a nightmare for almost two years. I could see no change and I could not continue to do it. I thought maybe, maybe last weekend when he had his "broken heart" that it was finally over. He certainly acted the part of the broken hearted. But Tuesday when he was actually whistling on the phone, I could have puked. I realized that it was never going to change. That the two of them are addicted to each other.. and let me out of this mess !!!

Last year at this time when he was gone on the truck, talking with OW all the time on his cell... well you know, I was a complete utter wreck. Now... done.

I don't even feel hurt, angry .... nothing. Just peace.

I pray to God that it lasts. I pray to God.

Thank you so much Orchid, for replying to me. Getting that total love tonight from my gd was a reminder of what life is really all about... not lying, not cheating...

Car

Carnation2..

Older thread, I know.. but after the kind things you said to Paradise, I looked this up.

You should know what an inspiration you are, too.

Strength. I see strength. Something I wish I had more of sometimes.

God Bless you.

Eibrab