After hanging up yesterday am with WH because I believe that he has reconnected with OW again, I have reached my breaking point. Finally.

He called my cell late last night and my house phone and did not leave a mess either place because, frankly, he does not know what to say. He really does not know what I know and what I am thining.

WH called my cell this morning as usual... I said this --

First of all, you should know how much I love you and have done everything I can think of to save this marriage. I have talked to you so much about this stuff that I now hate the sound of my own voice.....

I had much more written down to tell him but at this point he interrupted me and said..

What is going on ??

I said --- When you are finally done 100 percent with your affair -- then we can talk.

and hung up.

So... I did it.. Those of you here who have been listening to me go on about this for a year now and have been doing your best to give me good advice and not um.... ring my neck from not listening... I did it !!!

I feel very calm. I have taken myself away from the drama of his A and will not invest another second or penny in him at this point.

So, the ball is in his court now. I said what I wanted to say and I mean it. I do not even know if I will hear from him again, he really has no reason to call or come home. There is just the 2 of us (now it is the 2 of them !!) and he can live out of his --- opps, it is not his truck, that plan didn't work for him, poor thing, it is a company truck.

Please comment and give me some strength. While I do feel strangely calm and resolved right now,, it may not last. But and do not worry for one second... I will NOT call him. So end of contact on this end.

Thanks so much for taking an interest in this mess I have over here and putting up with me and my indecision. All comments are very needed.

Thanks again - Carnation

Carnation,

You handled that very well.

As you know I don't have much advice since I can't seem to do the right thing for me, but know I am here to support you.

Hurting

Congratulations...stay strong...when you feel like giving in, vent here for more strength...

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Thanks for the replies. I do feel strong. Real strong and the best thing is calm. I have taken myself out of the equation. Let them fight amongst themselves !!

So much calmer here than last weekend when WH was home with a broken heart... and mopping. I guess leading a double life for so long you inadvertantly let some things slip once in a while.

Thanks again, car

Good for you! I know how difficult that must have been and what a relief it is now that you have said it. Ok...whats next? When is he due home? Have you changed the locks? What will you do if he wants to come home? Do you have a plan B letter ready?

Be prepared. You know how these aliens can get.

Thanks C42 for the reply.

I really do not expect too much out of him. This is a man who can and has shut the door on everyone and I mean everyone in his family. His whole family is like this. He has not talked to any of them, his only d included in years.

He has no reason to come here (home) except to see me. So, if and when he does come around, I think it will be because he actually has made a decision and we can finally talk about the affair. No honest confession on his part... get out !!! Seriously, I can not live like this any longer.

Something very serious that I have not had the heart to say but will now. Last weekend, Mr. Broken Hearted, Depressed Time Bomb went with my daughters and me and my grand kids to an outing. Granted he got drunk, duh... and long story short.... He somewhat hurt my grandson !!!! The absolute love of my life. Didn't hit him or anything like that (the man would be in jail right now) but used unnecessary force on him that scared him and made him cry. It was a huge big scene and mess for all of us. Well... as Dr. Phil says.. that was the Deal Breaker for me.

That is one of the reasons I would not go on the truck with him. His being angry and depressed about his friggin broken heart had led to physical force. And, I smartly wanted to distant myself from him but without causing him to get more angry at me. (by the way, he has never hit me or anything like that)

So add all these things up last weekend that he said and he did.... buh bye !!! Unless and I am serious... he has 180 turn around, I am done. And, since I doubt that... I have to save my sanity, dignity and family here.

Agree ???

Thanks again, car

>So, the ball is in his court now

No. The ball is in YOUR court now. It's YOUR ball. YOU OWN THE THING AND HE CAN'T PLAY WITH IT WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION! He'd better realize that....

You are awesome. We all know when we're ready. You felt it and ACTION!

I'm glad you found your peace.

Car,
I know you don't think he'll come around...I disagree. He has been sitting on that fence and eating cake a LONG time. You just took his cake away. I think he is going to come look for it. Have you done plan B before?

Thank you Dealan for the very kind words. It means alot.

You are right. Thank God I finally reached my breaking point. And, thought since I had the desire to do this at this time, after soooo long... I had to act.

I feel the timing is good. I am home where I belong. He did not get his new semi... so instead of hating myself like I have ever since I discovered his creepy affair... I now am pretty happy and calm.

Yep, I got off the rollercoaster. I am just sitting here letting the two of them enjoy the ride, up and down... up and down..... buh bye !!!

carnation

C 42 Thank you so much for taking an interest.

I have not actually done a Plan B, but whenever I go dark and not take his calls.... I get very good results from him. He can not stand it...

Difference this time.. I told him in few words what I want. I did try to read him a nice long Plan B letter last week -- please read my It is obvious thread for his lovely reaction to that letter .. the man lost his mind...

The way I said it to him today -- when you are done 100 % with your affair.. well in order for me to know this is true.. he is going to have to admit it once and for all to me. I will get the truth and if not... I am done.

Hopefully this won't happen with him coming to the house. No lock would keep him out. This I know. He is one, big mean scary biker dude. The very thing that attracted me to him hopefully won't be the death of me. But, no one can predict the future. I will stand my ground. Finally !!!

Thanks once again for replying. car

Bumping for more comments please.

Quite frankly, I am surprised and very hurt that more have not responded to my post today.

Wasn't this what I should have done in my sit ? I do believe that his affair has been going on for about 4 years. I put up with it for way too long. And, I believe it is still going on today.

After everything that he did and said last week when home, I had finally had enough. I tried to read him my Plan B letter today, and he cut me off. So, I at least got to the chase.

Yes, I do feel strong and calm. But I always come here for support and advice. And, I have gained both and for that I am grateful. But, I am just a little hurt that more have not responded today since, in my mind, I made a big stand.

He can not talk to me until and if he ends his affair. Upon which he will have to tell me everything. And, really that would only be the beginning. If there is anything to begin again. I really do believe I have had enough of him.

Please tell me that you think I did the right thing. I know that I won't slip up or anything... I am just asking for some support please.

My best regards, carnation

Weekends are slow....its not personal....

I think its excellent that you finally said that!

But changing locks and Plan B seem to be the next step if you've told him you'll not talk to him. Give him the steps he needs to take to have access to you again.

Thank you so much for replying Lexxxy. I do not want to come across as being mean or anything here. Although I hope by now most here know the way I am. I really signed on last Jan. but had to re register recently.

I guess I don't know what else I am supposed to do in Plan B. I told him he must end it finally and then we can talk. And that means not come home or call.
And I do believe he will not call or come here.

I am planning on being dark. Our only way of comm. is through the phone so I know I won't be calling him. there is no person other than me he would contact.

Thank you so very much for replying. I hope I did not sound too stupid begging for help. I just think this was a pretty big day for me.. a little late in coming.. but it felt right to do it then.

thanks again, car

Hi Carnation,

I dont know... it didnt seem like a BIG stand to me, maybe that's why more havent responded. It still sounds like a bad situation.

You made a statement, tried to read a letter to him, then hung up. You cant change the locks, he can come and go as he pleases, he can still deny everything, and you're worried he could beat you to death if you get anymore resolute in your position. Sounds miserable.

But it does look like the START of something big with you.

If he's so big, mean, and scary, what will you do if he denies it? Are you prepaired to call the police and have him arrested? How far have you planned this out? Are you financially secure? Can you move? Have you thought seriously about going through with a D?

It is slow here on the weekends, I'm out of here, myself. Stay strong, keep people you trust around close incase you need them. I dont blame you for reaching your limit, but think in all the way through and be smart around this moody, mean biker. Be safe!! - Dru

Carnation --
I still think you need to give him the letter. Its something he can reference to in the future. Its a map he can pull out and look for his way home.

Now, what are you going to do for yourself? Time to change the focus.

Thanks Lexxxy. Well, the problem with that is our only way of communicating is over his cell phone. My WH is a long distance truck driver not home very often. So, that was why I was attempting to read a letter to him this morning when he called. And, now that I have been thinking about it all day, I wished I would have said it differently. but what is done, is done. It means the same really.

I seriously do not know any way to get a letter to him. There is no one he would contact. Our house is the only place he would get any mail at all. I think a text mess might not be quite long enough.

I do believe that I did not have any other option in this. This A has been going on for years with him not admitting one bit. It has been a nightmare for me and probably him.

Yes, I am beginning to slightly panic, that perhaps I ended it on a bad note.. when I said.. when you are done 100% with your affair.. we can talk. Well, that is the last thing he wants to do. Although I know it is necessary and part of my requirement... I just should have worded it differently to him... oh well..

Seriously, no way to get a letter to him. Me reading one is certainly out of the question since last weekend he went completely ballistic when I tried to and then again today he interrupted me and cut me off.....

I am just trying to free myself mentally from him at this point. Which is a big step.. and these are baby steps for sure.

Thanks so much, carnation

Carnation,
I will just give you a ((((((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))))))
I have not done a plan B so have not much to offer, except the hugs and validation that I hear you. Keep strong..
JE

Thank you very much justempty. I really needed that. I kinda just jumped on this without much preparation. I just had reached my breaking point and thought I should do something. I doubt if I could make it worse for myself. It has been he$$ for along time here.

Thanks alot.

carnation

I bet it has carnation.
I have read some of your posts and posted.
YOu will be strong. You will keep NC.
This is for you now. And honey you need to work on you now for sure. Get out, do things, hobbies, go tanning, whatever makes you feel good about you. Hold onto the love you have for him, cherish it, but dont let it make you weak.
It will work...I have faith in you....
JE