I thought we had hit on exposure repeatedly and you reassured that everybody already knew. Why don't the OM's parents know? What stopped you from doing that? Git R Done!

Why do you say Plan B is emminent? These are the kind of posts you should not make because you are driving dewt crazy with worry. What makes you think Plan B is on the horizon? if so, what is your Plan B? How do children fit into Plan B?

If you go to Plan B and can convince WW to go to Romania, you establish physical distance between her and OM although you can't guarantee NC. She is separated from her children (unless she takes them), she gets back to her roots and the surroundings she grew up with. It gives MIL more opportunity to work on her (assuming that is a good thing). And, very important, it will help you keep your sanity. If, on the other hand, your Plan B is that she run off with OM, I doubt you would ever want her back even if she came begging on hands and knees. Just a guess - I can't read your mind.

I said that Plan B was imminent because I barely have any feelings left for my WW. Plan A is good as long as you can cope with the situation and still have feelings for your WW.
Every person has his/her own limits driven by his/her philosophy of life. By doing Plan A, you deliberately bend all your rules and principles. If you are a person that cannot go beyond that, then you won’t make it. You can force yourself to do it and you might succeed up to a point where you cannot take it anymore and you’ll give up. I’ve almost reached the point where I’m about to give up.

I have huge concerns with Plan B. This is how I see it:

Option 1. If I simply ask her to leave then there will be quite a few questions:
- She might not want to leave, so what would be next under these circumstances?
- How do the DDs fit in this separation? (traicionado already asked that)
- Who is going to pay the bills? We both make the same in a year and the money goes in a common account. How is that going to be handled? Where would she take money from? If she had her own account then how do we split the mortgage payment?
- Do I want her back after this? I am not sure.

Option 2. She moves out with the OM. If that is going to happen, then it’s OVER. I won’t take her back no matter what.

Option 3. She takes a break and spends 1 month back home with her parents. The children will stay here (I would bring my mother to look after them). She would have time to think about the future. If she wants to have contact with the OM she’ll do it anyway and I know I can’t stop that (internet is everywhere). There will be no physical contact (just like traicionado said) but they won’t talk on the phone (or at least not that much). This option might happen after her parents are flying back home which would be end of April. My concern is that I don’t know what feelings I’ll have left for my WW by then.

I like only Option 3.


Back to yesterday. We took both girls to skating arena. It was OK, we did talk, but again, everything seemed so false. We came back home and we found ourselves in the house not having too much to talk about. Then my BIL and his W showed up and we watched a movie but not with my W. She disappeared in the bedroom.
Today, there’s been contact. For sure. I went with my FIL to the grocery store and when we came back and enter through the door I saw my WW running in the basement closing the door behind. She had the phone in her hand. She came back and avoided eye contact. She sat on the couch and her eyes were looking towards nowhere. My MIL looked at my face when I came in. She new that my WW was talking to the OM. I still don’t understand her reaction when I showed up home.
The weekend was neither good, nor bad so far.

I forgot one thing. The OM's wife is afraid to call the OM's parents because she thinks that they might get a heart attack. I am going to find out their phone number and call them myself.

I am glad you thought through your Plan B options. I think you have come to pretty sound conclusions. Just a couple of thoughts:

1) You mentioned that, if you ask her to leave she may not go. That is a real concern. You need to think it through.

2) If she goes to Romania for a break, place no time limit on it. Present it to her as an indefinite break. If your mother comes to help, she gets a six month visa right? One month will probably not be enough.

I understand your feelings but what you are not understanding is that they are ONLY feelings. I understand exactly what you are going through because I am doing it to. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish that this was over even if it is only for a few seconds. Your feelings are normal. At the end of the day, the decision is yours and yours alone and we will support you either way. I want WW gone from my life. I guess I still have some hope that maybe one day W will walk back in the door. That hope keeps me going - at least so far. My DD's love their mom very much. That also helps me. In your case, I don't see your children that connected to Mom. If that is true, I might be more tempted to give her the boot.

For your Plan B option 1, I will say that IMO it would be better for her to tell you she was leaving than for you to tell her. If you think that is possible, that might make it worth holding out a little longer.

Oh, I almost forgot: MAKE THAT PHONE CALL NOW!!!!!!!!

traicionado,

Thank you for you post. I have to say that during these past days/weeks the best thing that happened to me was to see someone post on my thread.

I have no idea how to react if she wouldn’t leave.


I’ve actually asked her a few weeks ago to go to Romania for a month but she totally rejected the idea. That doesn’t really mean that she won’t accept it in the future. I am talking to an alien, right? I like the idea of indefinite break but I am being realistic and having a hard time believing she would leave for Romania for an unspecified period of time.

About tonight visit. She acted naturally. I somehow got pissed off because he was in a good mood, but then I asked myself: “What do you want? If she acts weird and she’s in a bad mood, then you’ll be upset. If she’s acts naturally, like nothing happened, again you’re not happy. What do you really want?” So I looked after myself. I had a few beers, talked to the host who told me that he thought that things were going to be OK even though in his opinion my WW made some inappropriate comments.

On the other hand I believe I got the OM’s parents phone number. I searched the internet by the last name and I found it. Nothing is for sure but I will call them tomorrow and find out if I reached this parents.

I have to admit that I didn’t get this one. Why do you think that things are going to get worse? Am I missing something or just because I didn’t get there yet I simply couldn’t understand? Please elucidate here.

What do you think about this: I could email the OM’s boss about the A. Tell him that the OM is using his work email address to keep his A going. Do you think that it would be efficient or it would make things worse?

One other thing: Plan B is still a process to try to eventually recover the M. You sound like you are almost ready to go straight to Plan D.

Okay, now I am going to talk out loud again. When we BS's have our D-day, we are faced with a major crisis and we have to deal with a lot of things in short order. Initially we are stuck in denial and that may be the reason we decide to start on the path to R. We want to fix something that we know in our heart is not really broken to begin with. Unfortunately that is a wrong assumption. We also may not have all the facts which clouds our judgement. I was told that a mistake had been made, that it was over, etc. Pure lies. They were easy lies to believe however because I was still firmly planted in denial with a little bit of bargaining thrown in for good measure.

For whatever reason I decide to try to save the marriage. I stumble across SAA and, eventually, this web site. I sign up for MC. I do all the things I am supposed to be doing except the most important - looking out for me. Plan A involves a tremendous amount of self-denial. I focus everything on Plan A because I want R but, in reality, I have never really decided why I want R and there is also the problem that I don't have a clue what R really is. What will I have when (or if) I ever get there? I have to deny myself those thoughts. Initially I get involved with a series of crises. Those provide distraction so I don't dwell on my doubts because I simply don't have time.

The one big difference between a BS and a WS (IMO) is that the WS believes love is a feeling whereas the BS believes love is a commitment. WS no longer understands the commitment but the BS still understands and remembers the feeling - and wants it back. We can understand the WS far better than they can understand us. Partly that is because they have forgotten that love involves commitment but partly because they have reinvented us in their minds. Their view of us and our view of us just don't jibe. The difference is that they don't care and we do.

If I follow the SAA principal of the love bank, WS may have begun the A because her love bank had a debit balance but now, after D-day and during Plan A, WS is continually withdrawing from my love bank. So, yes, there is a very real danger that I may no longer believe in the premise that started me on this journey. If she keeps it up, she may withdraw so much that I may reach the point where I no longer want R. But how do I know if that is the truth or just a transient feeling? Good question. What is the answer?

I have never really had the time to deal with my own grief. I am too busy trying to save a marriage for both of us because WS has no interest. What I really need to do is allow myself time and opportunity to grieve the loss - the loss of love, the loss of trust, the loss of the image of perfection I once had for WS. These are confusing times and, as such, I can no longer completely trust my own judgement. I seek help and advice but only just enough to get me over a crisis. What I really need is time for me. I need real help. I need to be able to deal with all this in a healthy way and I need to be able to heal the gash that WS cut in my heart. At the moment all I am doing is applying pressure to the wound but I am not healing the wound. I may go to a doctor to stop the bleeding but I don't know, right now, if the doctor can heal the wound. I think right now that WS is the only one who can heal me and she can't be bothered.

At some point I have to allow myself to heal. If WS drops the A and commits to R, the problem is not solved. In fact, I will probably crash and burn and then I will need serious help. Whether WS stays or goes - whether I R or D - I need to heal and, right now, in Plan A, I don't have that luxury. Right now I am a mental mess and I recognize it but I am not sure what to do to correct it.

WS is no longer the S that I married. That S ceased to exist. WS may some day become FWS but it will never be the same. Do I believe that FWS is someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with? I simply have no way of knowing. I am not sure of what my goals and desires will be by then and, the longer WS remains implanted firmly in the A, the less likely I will want WS back.

I know I need to believe in something. I no longer have the feelings for WS that I once had. She has progressively killed those. At this point, all I can believe in is the commitment of love - the promise I made to WS the day I married her. I believe in my responsibility to DD's when I elected to conceive them. I believe in those things and they give me a second wind but I know that at some point, if things stay like they are now, I will collapse from exhaustion and give up.

As I walk this path, I am changing and growing. My desires may change as well. It is very possible that what started me down this road will no longer seem important. I am about six months since D-day. I know I am losing interest in WS. It would be far easier to cut my losses. I know where lies the path of least resistance. So far, I choose to take the road less traveled.

Last night I was ready to call it quits. This morning when I got up, I went and stuck my head in the door of DDs' room. I saw them sleeping like angels. It was enough to get me through today. And that is all I have - one day at a time.

If you have no idea, don't have the conversation. Think about it some more, post here and get opinions.



A month ago she couldn't stand the thought of being that far from OM. Probably still can't. I am not telling you to send her to Romania for an unspecified time. You need to have some limit fixed in your mind. What I am telling you is not to tell WW what that time limit is. She should go with that doubt. Give her an open return ticket. Don't mark the return date on the calendar for the both of you to see. She should go (if she agrees) knowing that you are willing to give her the time she needs.

Avoid alcohol - even a few beers. Alcohol is a depressant and clouds your judgement. I am deadly serious about this. Do not drink a drop! I know that is tough duty living in Canada - you have some great beers there. Why are you getting marital advice from a bartender? That only works in the movies.



Yes - it is so obvious that you continually overlook it. Don't worry about it right now. Just remember that your problems are far from over and your doubts will nag you for a long time.

Arianc,

BTW, I forgot this last night. I got a kick out of WW running into the basement with the phone. Compare this to a couple of weeks ago when she was getting those phone calls in front of your face and all you did was get her coffee and bonbons. Something has changed. It was a funny mental picture.

Also go back up and read a couple of posts in case you missed one because you and I cross-posted a while ago.

Now to your question:

This is off in the future so don't worry too much about it but so as not to keep you in suspense.

Right now what you cannot recognize is that you are changing. You don't see it because it is gradual. If you go back and read your original posts, compare yourself today to yourself back then (only a few weeks ago was it?). You continue to grow and change. Who is to say who you will be if WW ever comes around and commits to R. Who is to say if you will even want R at that distant time?

If WW ever does "come around", she will be filled with guilt and remorse and what is it women like to do? Talk. You are going to have to be even stronger to help her through that difficult time and it is very likely she will want to talk about the A and sordid details you know nothing about. She is going to peel the scab right off your wound and you will begin to bleed all over again. Are you strong enough to endure the pain she will inflict on you then?

The one advantage you have now is that you have relatively little invested and you can walk away at any time and you know it. If, on the other hand, WW does repent and does want to salvage the M as a result of all your hard work, you will no longer have the luxury of being able to quit. You will be stuck. If, at that time, you decide to quit, you will become the betrayer. You will no longer have an escape strategy. You are in it come heck or high water. Are you strong enough to take anything and everything that might come your way? You may think the easy answer is yes but don't be so sure. She will unintentionally flay you to the bone because she needs to heal. You have already been cut through the heart. Are you prepared to do it again – only worse?

traicionado,

I have read your latest posts several times last night. Everything you wrote makes sense. I guess I was afraid to admit it before but ever since the D-day I was scared about the future. I didn’t know, and still don’t know, whether or not I want to R. I am asking myself “Do I want to go for R because I believe it’s going to work or I want to go for R because I can’t accept to lose everything myself and my WW have built together?”
One of your posts made me think again. I guess that the fact that you put it in writing made me accept the idea of not wanting the R. Before it was just a thought that I didn’t want to accept, something that I deliberately avoided pretending that it didn’t exist. But I can’t fool myself. You’re right when you’re saying that FWW can’t be anymore the W I married. It simply can’t be. There are things done that cannot be forgotten.


I can’t say I have the strength to do it again. And if I don’t have it now, how could I have it in a few months when I’ll probably have no feelings for my WW anymore.

I did not tell you that to discourage you. I told you that to prepare you because, from what I have seen, I think you have what it takes. I have asked myself those very questions and I found my answer. My WW can drain every last ounce of blood I have if it will lead to our recovery and happy marriage. I understand what you are going through. It is fleeting. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to do what is best for you.

And stay away from beer. In fact, if you have had any beer within the last 24 hours, don't talk to WW, don't talk to anyone. Go out and run. Stay to yourself. Let the alcohol get out of your system before trying to have an intelligent thought. I am deadly serious about that.

Adrian,

Good morning! What a weekend. I really liked your questioning yourself about evaluating WW's moods. You're still getting the best advice from Trac and dewt.

I have one point.

About losing your feelings for WW, so thinking of Plan B, not much remaining, won't take her back if she runs off with OM...

Okay. One of the things that bothered me about protecting BS's remaining feelings was that we are telling our WS's that their feelings can come back...lovebank, ENs, no LBs, etc., correct? That them not feeling for us, BS, will change, return, stronger than before, because of what we know now...Then we use feelings as a reason...

So what if we don't use our feelings as a reason for action? That is what happens in Plan A, isn't it? You prove the theory of the Lovebank...you do lose your feelings, but you don't lose your belief. Same with Plan B...this is more to say, "Here is what life is like without your family...here is the cost of not saving the marriage" and you stay with the belief that both of your feelings will return after Plan B.

Don't lose the belief or you lose the reason to save your marriage.

Adrian...expose to OM's parents, his work and her work, all at the same time (okay, call OM's parents first) because all three are critical and you might already be through stuff if you had already done this. Bite the bullet. Make it work.

Please don't say what you won't do (take her back if she runs off with OM) until you cross that river. You probably didn't think you'd be Plan Aing a WW, did you? Most of us said our beliefs of what we'd do in a given situation and then received the situation and acted differently. Leave the future there...keep present. Be strong in your belief.

I also believe that this Lovebank idea (which is more literature than Harley's under different names) is even more important than marriage (please don't faint)...see I believe that this thing we do...rely on our feelings to tell us our beliefs (which is backwards) that we don't love anymore, etc., is what keeps us from God. We can't help but see him like us, not loving us, losing his love, for our terrible choices. That belief must be preserved and the feelings return as a direct result of the belief.

They last.

No beginning or end to God's love. Matters. Lasts. So does ours, if we preserve our belief.

That's why you can do this, Adrian. You know feelings return, they do...from past memories, present actions...future could be the same. You just have to get the other feelings out of the way. That is why recovery can be just as painful as Plan A, even moreso...but worth it. So very worth it.

LA

You haven’t discouraged me. You’ve simply said what I’ve been afraid to say. I am trying to be optimistic and look at the whole thing in a positive way. But the optimism is limited by the realism. Sure, you can look at the glass and say it’s half full but the truth is that the other half is gone. So once it’s gone... it’s gone. You can’t bring it back and you can’t fool yourself. You have to accept the reality. That is what I am doing know. Accept that things are not going to be the same regardless of what is going to happen: R or D. I feel sorry for our DDs.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have posted today since I had a few beers last night…

This is something I am afraid of. I am afraid that I would be the one experiencing the life without my family. I am afraid that she would not leave the house if I switch to plan B but she would go for legal separation and she’ll get the kids. And I’ll be alone.

adrianc,

If you remember where I am, I am just a couple of steps in front of you. If you lift up your gaze you will probably see my footsteps. I have been exactly where you are now just an instant ago. I went there and I came out. The simple fact is, as LA said, something has gotten you to this point. You may not remember or recognize what that was but it got you here nevertheless. If you have no other comfort, just remember there is safety in numbers. Look at all the people who have made the decision to R and have done so successfully. You see, I don't believe in the theory that W and WW are two different people. I got confused by that but finally got to the point where I could not accept it as truth. W is still there somewhere. You both just need to find her. Seriously - don't post any more today. Don't talk to anyone today. Go distract yourself somehow. Go spend time with DD's. Go back and find your happy thought. Sleep this one off and look at it again tomorrow.

adrianc; my heart goes out to you. It's a painful place to be. God Bless your efforts, your marriage and your children.

Can I toss in a question? What are you doing to win her heart back, and help her remember why she loves you? I see on your earlier thread that you've eliminated LBs. Congratulations, that's a huge step; but it seems to me that eliminating LBs is like stopping hitting her thumb with a hammer. Good thing to do, but not likely to help her remember why she loves you. So what else are you doing to help her remember her love?

Clearly your pain is intense. Justifiably. But I think a big part of the challenge is to keep from splashing your pain around and worsening the damage she and OM have imposed on the relationship. Instead - difficult as it is to do - work on those problems in you that your WW would most like to see improved.

I hear about your Plan A, and congrats on that. But this goes deeper than that. What fundamentally has been the problem? Somehow you lost your claim on her heart, and you need to win it back. Looks to me as if your recent posts are - understandably - mostly about you, e.g. how you can deal with the pain, what tactics you can do to improve the situation etc. But maybe at this point you can also make a really big push in a wife-centered approach. E.g. try to put yourself in your WW's head (imagine it without the fog) and really understand what she needs from you in order for her to love you as before.

What I'm wondering is: are there some keys to her heart that you can reach for. Some fundamental things you can change in yourself that will help her to come around. And some actions you can take to make those self-changes.

In my case I dedicated myself to fixing those things that my WW objected to. Really dedicated myself. Biiiig project. And not just talk; talk is cheap. Actions. I think those actions and my dedication to her may have contributed to her change of heart. Not sure if we're out of the woods yet, but there has been a major change of direction in favor of the marriage.

No guarantees; you can do exactly what she needs, and it still may not work. But you will be doing a good thing regardless. Meeting all your wife's needs is a worthy goal in itself.

One other thought; Looks to me like you found out early January; so that's something like 7 weeks ago. Long painful weeks, but just in terms of time, 7 weeks isn't really that long as these things go. Are you sure you need to be thinking Plan B so soon? It's subjective for sure, and each case is different. But I believe most go considerably longer before going to Plan B. For us, the turning point (I THINK it was the turning point) came about 5 months after Dday. 5 Long Painful months. Never did do a Plan B, just an unintentional 180. Anyway - assuming we're past the crisis - it was worth all that pain.

You can do this. Hang in there. You can do it. God Bless.

Going back a post here. Yes you have to accept reality. What you once believed is gone forever. I am glad you have finally realized that. I have to disagree with you on one point though. You said optimism is limited by realism. That is not optimism - that is pessimism. Optimism knows no limits and reality is what you choose to make it.

There are three kinds of people: 1) those that say the glass is half full 2) those that say the glass is half empty and 3) those that say the glass might be half full but you might as well pour it out because it will be empty soon enough anyway. I am guessing that right now you fall in the last category.

The marriage and the life that you had is certainly over. That is not a bad thing because at least one of the two of you never really thought it was all that good to begin with. The recovery process gives you a second chance. It gives you an opportunity to right all the wrongs to have a better and stronger love than you ever had before. I have no idea what R will be but I don't fear it any more. What I fear is how I will feel about myself if I don't give it the opportunity. I can get a D any time but I can only R right now. That is reality.

I am glad you are starting to ask yourself some of these questions because you needed to sooner or later.

You know my weakness for drawing analogies from movies. I won't stop now. Please promise me you will do me a huge favor. Please go out today and rent or by two movies. Those movies are "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray and "Rocky III" (the one where Rocky fights Mr. T). Sit in a room by yourself with no distractions and watch those movies in the order I mentioned them. I don't much care for Bill Murray but I could watch Groundhog Day every single day because I learn so much from it each and every time I watch it. Watch that movie and think about what is really happening to that guy because, right now, you in your situation are stuck in Groundhog Day. Watch the evolution of the thought process and how he learns to look at it differently. Basically applies the stages of grief, reaches acceptance and becomes a much better person in the process. Groundhog day is an excellent metaphor for the catharsis you and I are experiencing. When he finally sets his sights on Andy McDowell, he first tries everything he can to pretend to be something he thinks she wants. He gets closer and closer with each day but never achieves the goal. He finally gives up and just becomes a better him and, as a result, finally gets what it was he wanted to begin with. A great metaphor for Plan A.

Okay for the second movie - Rocky III. This is also an excellent metaphor for the A and its effect on us. Rocky (i.e. you) is comfortable, has it all, accomplished his goals and, with one knockout blow loses everything. All that he believed in and held dear is taken from him in an instant (D-day). He grieves. He gives up. Then, he gets help. He is still filled with doubt but he listens to that help. With that help, he reinvents himself. He changes physically and emotionally (Plan A). He trains himself to fight in ways he never knew before. He wants back what he lost but for the right reasons this time. He is not the same person he was before. He gets the rematch and he gets pounded and bloodied but he is so strong now that nothing Mr. T can throw at him even fazes him. Well, I won't spoil the ending for you. Watch that movie. Eye of the tiger, man - eye of the tiger.

Go and watch those movies and then let me know how you "feel".

adrianc,

I am going to give you one more thing to think about. I do think there is merit to the concept of the love bank. It just seems too reasonable. I was rereading my own thread yesterday looking for something and I ran across a post that made me think of you. WW, DD's and I went on vacation to Mexico in December to visit her family. That was an eye-opening experience for me. While there I went through some thought processes i am not too proud of so won't get into here but the short of it was that I realized that I no longer loved my wife. What was good about that was that it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Since I no longer loved her, shw could no longer hurt me in any fashion. I relished in this new found knowledge of no love for about a full three weeks. I had not felt that good in a long time. Until....

What happened was she did something (made contact) and it made me mad. This was very puzzling. If I did not love her, why should I care? I struggled with this for about a day and then my rose colored glasses just shattered. I realized in the space of a few seconds that I had never stopped loving or caring for WW. What I had done was raise a protective barrier. By telling myself I no longer loved her, I would be protected. Unfortunately it was a lie only it was such a convincing lie I couldn't recognize it at the time. We human beings have an amazing ability to protect ourselves. We have selective memory to block out bad experiences. I can't remember a full three years of my young life when my stepfather was around. Simply gone. My brain did that to protect me. WS's protect themselves by rewriting history - by recreating memories into a form that justifies their actions in their minds.

I am not saying you no longer care for WW. Only you know that. I am saying don't let yourself be fooled by your feelings. Love is not a feeling. Being "in love" is a feeling. I saw a guy who was pulling out all the stops to try to save a marriage one day and then decide it was all over the next. Falling out of love with WW doesn't happen like that. It isn't a light switch. Give yourself some time to think this through. It is probably good that you reevaluate your motives for R. A lot has happened to you in the last few weeks. At first I wanted R to try to keep from losing something. Now I understand that I had already lost it and I also never want it back. I want that new unknown future with the woman I have never stopped loving if there is a way on God's green earth to achieve it. I am not afraid of the unknown or maybe I am but just don't care. My motives for R are not what they were in the beginning but now I want it more than ever because I am not trying to create a fantasy.

Anyway, that was my experience with not loving my WW. It was a great three weeks, while it lasted. I thought it might give you something to think about.

Now go watch Rocky.

traicionado,

I didn't have a chance to read your last two posts. I have prepared my post before I saw yours.

Here it is:

Last night was BAD.

The regular plan was that my in-laws would live with us for 6 months and then my parents would move with us. All of this for helping us with the kids. My parents are currently living with my brother (looking after their kids). My brother wanted to know when my in-laws are going to leave so he knew when his MIL should arrive from overseas. So I had to have a conversation with my WW last night about what would happen when her parents leave. I told her that my intensions were to bring my parents. That was similar to hitting her with a hammer in her head. She became nervous, started to raise her voice and told me something like:
• I wanted to send our younger daughter to Romania but apparently you cannot live with her (she said in a sarcastic way) so if she doesn’t go and you parents are going to move here then I’ll leave this house! (Could this be considered as plan B?)
• If our younger daughter will not leave then I’ll quit my job, take both girls and leave back home forever. (That doesn’t make any sense…)
• I am not going to sacrifice myself for the girls.
• I am not happy with this life. I love the OM.
• Why do you want me to go to Romania? Do you want to keep me away from the OM? (Like she can’t talk on the phone, email him, chat with him on MSN, etc.)

Anyways, I was very calm and asked her to talk to me with respect, the way people talk to each other. I asked her for how long she wanted to send our younger daughter to Romania but she didn’t have an answer for that.

I feel like I am going to go crazy but I believe she is still surrounded by the fog. Lots of it. Therefore I am not taking her statements literally. But I have to find a way to deal with our younger daughter scenario. She’s 1year and 8 months… I wouldn’t take her to day care just yet. May be I should send her to Romania for 6 months. That would give me and my WW more time to spend together.

hang tight. I can't post right now but I have some ideas. If it gets to plan B, WW may have just given you the golden key. Give me a few hours to get free.

Dude, have you talked to a lawyer yet?