Hi LA,
I had some friends over tonight,

He did call again tonight and I did not answer, probably I will call him in the morning and tell him he can come anytime. He was asking when to come in his message today.
You are right, is just my desperate need of knowing what to say. I just want to say something smart that would make him come back, change his mind, I don't know. I am sorry to I ask the same questions over and over again. I am sure nothing changed in one week time, time was to short, her parents are still here and she has a lots of time to spend somewhere else other then with her DD's. I am sure he missed us, he called every day. I would not be surprized to find out that he even drove around the house, hopping to see us, I know my H would do that, I don't know about WH.

Nothing you can do or say will make him come back. His choice. Just as nothing you did or said drove him away, right?

You don't have to be sorry about asking the same question over and over again...my answer may not have satisfied you. Ask yourself, why? Why is it I ask this, want this? Not just "love" or "pain"...more like why do I feel and do what I do?

Glad you had friends over tonight. Very good self-care.

Why not wait in the morning for him to call?

Tomorrow, when you see him, listen and repeat what you hear him saying. Same advice given to Adrian. Use "I" statements, like in this thread. Do not be sure nothing has changed in one week...be sure of nothing about anyone else. Start there.

See WH as someone new, you don't know. Treat him like someone you just met tomorrow...your truth is you don't know him right now, right?

The way you are with strangers...polite, courteous and present. Do not assume or mindread his thoughts. Listen with your mind, ears and face. Then hand back his words so he can confirm or clarify his meaning.

Breathe and keep breathing...slowly, deeply, to calm and relax your body, your emotions. Stay very aware of your expectations and hopes--tell them to take the day off.

Do not offer more items, ironed shirts or anything. He is a guest, but a stranger.

Why don't you expose to WW's work? To your WH's work? Or did you?

LA

It's been two days and I think I need an Adrian fix.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA



Hey, dewt? Who is fallen_angel? She/he is looking for Dylan.

LA

Thanks LA for your post,

I don't want to expose at WH's work because we need the paycheck, with me on maternity leave our savings would be finished fast.

Boby? How much would you lose with a divorce? I'm not pushing, just curious? Would it be the house, smaller dwelling, or are you thinking of living elsewhere?

LA

Thinking and praying for both of you today.

LA

LA,

Thank you so much for thinking of us.

I've reached the point where I cannot talk to my WW. No matter how hard I try my tounge is simply "missing". I did answer her questions but I can't force myself to pretend I am in a good mood. I just can't. Therefore I'm sure both my MIL and my WW talked about me and badmouthed me.

Looking forward to reading boby's next post.

Thanks again LA. You're wonderful.

Oh, Adrian...saying that to you WW would be a start..."My tongue is missing. I cannot make myself choose to speak to you, only to answer your questions. I'm hurting inside."

And then say, "Look over there!"

Just kidding about that last line.

You have built up these resentments in yourself, Adrian, so deep now, they are filling your body, blocking your tongue. This poison you keep taking is immobilizing you...your heart, your mind and devastating your will.

I've been there. Know that. Swallowing sorrow and pain...and not knowing I was creating half of the ingredients myself.

You are a beautiful, whole, complete person, Adrian. Loved tremendously by God and others for who you are--without one word or action. You are. You are. Every time you pretend to be in a good mood to earn love you betray yourself.

Make love your choice, not your feeling. No pretending required. You have longed to be fully complete, honest, open, vibrantly and freely alive. I know this about you. Your fear binds your feet, tapes your mouth and covers your soul like a blanket.

Only you can free yourself...love and accept yourself more. Then there is no pretending required, ever.

(((((Adrian)))) All your power, your choice.

LA

LA,

Thank you for your post.

I just read an email my WW sent her mother back in february (end of the month). I will post it but I need some to translate it since it's a long one.

boby,

Where are you?

Post deleted by boby

Hi boby,

I expected that to happen. My WW is very tensed right now. She has her cellphone with her all the time.
Like I said before, I am waiting for my in-laws to leave.
No one deserved this. The bad part is that if these two families are going to be destroyed everybody will lose. Of course, the kids will suffer the most.
Be strong.

Adrian, I consider my family distroyed already, I am to tired to fight for it, I just give up, I want out. I don't know if I will change my mind when I cool down, but in this very moment I don't want him anymore. Now the only things I can remember are the bad ones, how he cheated and lied to me. Before I was fighting with myself and thinking only about the good things from our marriage, now I cannot, the only memories I have are emails, cell phones ringing, messages.
He just phoned, like nothing happened. Asked me if I need anything, if I want to go somewhere he can stay with the baby, he is at work, working on his school project, and told me will be there the hole day.

boby,

You have no idea how sorry I am. It's very sad but this is your decision and no one would respect you less for taking it.

Maybe some day things will get better. For the both of us. You are now angry, frustrated, dissapointed but maybe tomorrow you'll feel different.
Take care.

boby,

I know this is sad. I can tell you that feelings do change but only time will give that answer. It does not surprise me that they don't have a plan. This same thing happened to me. My WW and her OM spent all day every day expressing their undying love for each other and yet they never discussed their future until I pointed out to them that they had no plan. You should have seen the look on WW's face when she realized it. Utter shock. It had never occurred to her that there was no plan. They hadn't seemed to need one. Then they quickly devised a half-a$$ed plan that sort of made sense but was completely impractical.

Now the harsh reality of the A is settling in on the happy couple and they are probably finding out that it is not all wonderful and beautiful. I bet they start hating each other before long and start blaming each other for ruining their lives and their families.

You do what you feel in your heart you have to do. You are innocent in this. Fortunately your baby will never remember any of this. That is a small consolation. I hope you are feeling better. Remember your baby needs you to be happy.

traic,
thanks for your words. I was telling my WH Sunday that i cannot believe he is not planning for the future, all our lifes together we were planning, we always knew what to do next.
I do feel like a crazy woman right know. One minute I cry, one minute I laugh. I do thank God for my baby, he is healty, he is growing every day, he is smiling at me, he knows my voice. No metter what happens with my M, my baby will be with me, I am not alone. I do miss some adult company during the day, but hey, the baby will grow one day.
I guess we are all waiting for the big day, 25 or 27 it is, I don't even remember, will see what happens after that.

Regardless of what you decide or what happens, stay here and keep posting. It can only help you. I think my WW and her OM knew all along what they were doing was fantasy. Fantasies don't need plans. WW and I had a showdown after her last violation of NC. I was shipping her off to be with the OM. I needed to know things like did she need a divorce immediately? Were they planning to get married, just live together? Where were they going to live (for visitation)? She simply had no clue. She went right out and called OM to find out what their plans were. I think they concocted something over the phone because he didn't have any plans either. Their final plan was as much a fantasy as the A. He was going to move out of his parents' house (yes he lives with them) and get a small apartment and then somehow get custody of my DDs - across international borders no less. What an idiot! And WW bought it hook, line and sinker. She was going to move there and get a job (visa violation). What an idiot too!!! They truly deserved each other.

In your case the waywards have been congratulating themselves on being so smart when in reality they are going to find out just how stupid they have been all along. In this case they have both cheated so will always doubt the fidelity of the other. Your WH abandoned you before you even delivered your baby. What kind of person does that make him? Not a very good one and not a very good catch for adrianc's WW. She obviously has poor judgement among her other stellar qualities. For WW's part, here is a woman who hates her kids. Not a very attractive quality in a mate from my POV. If they do end up together, maybe they should be sterilized so they cannot possibly propogate any more misery? It is a thought! Just think if WW gets pregnant. How long will it be before OM dumps her too? Probably for another affair.

Boby,

Sometimes you just have to look and this and can't help but laugh (and cry). If it weren't so tragic, it would make a great comedy. Ask yourself how many people have benefited from this A - and include WW and WH. I couldn't count anybody that benefited in my situation. Affairs are terrible things that leave nothing but destruction in their wake. Your waywards are in for nothing but pain and heartache. It was their choice - it is their problem.

just logged in to say hi to everybody,
I am pretty sad and confused lately, I guess I am missing some of your comforting words LA. Are you around?

Adrian how are things going with you? How is the weekend so far?

WH was here yesterday afternoon, he will come today too, his relatives are visiting this evening.

hey boby,

Glad you are still with us. How is everything going?

Post deleted by boby

Boby, Adrian, Dewt, Traic...

I'm back from vacation. I missed you guys! You were in my thoughts and prayers.

Boby? Did WH sign the papers? Did you get the locks changed? How about no contact whatsoever except through a friend? All emails, phone, letter, etc., have to go through a neutral third party? Plan B time...I see in your post how crazy-making it is for him to call like nothing is wrong? Oh, you want to go out? No, I want my H BACK!

I hear you so very much. There's half of that you are doing to you--do not participate in the fantasy. The fantasy is that he moves out and everything stays the same...your love, his family...and it doesn't. Your choice. See, then you don't have to hear he's working his school project...he lost that sharing, comforting conversation when moved out. If you like this line of reasoning, that is. You are not a doormat...Plan A was about stopping your LBs, meeting ENs...and he chose otherwise. It would be wise for you to go to Plan B NOW and then if Adrian decides to...that's his time frame. Yours is now, Boby.

Adrian--no updates? No thoughts or feelings? Are we running? We? Yeah, I'm back to the gym myself come Monday. Just thought I could prod you, if you'll prod me.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Traic...I haven't read your thread for an update...you could throw some stuff my way, if you care to...been praying for you, also.

Dewt...Dylan...how are youse guys?

And Snuggles? Maybe some more inspiring posts?

I'm all out. Went to Lake Tahoe for the first time in my life and it was incredible...full moon this week...ending with a harvest one (big and orange) tonight. Added another first to my Firsts List...drove a snowmobile. I'm grinning...yes, that's my grin.

Boby...ask me about my "Firsts List"...'k?

(((((bobyadriantraicjohndylansnuggles))))

LA