Caught W in emotional affair that lasted about 10 days. She knew the OM for about 1.5 years and at a church retreat he told her he loved her. She told him she had a crush on him. I was suspicious so checked cell phone records and they were talking a ton after retreat - almost no talking before. I confronted her. She was not apologetic and said they were just friends. The next day she called him on the real phone which I had tapped. So I heard the call. On the call she sounded like she liked him and then told him I had confronted her. He said he wasn't going to call her. Said she needed to use her energy on her marriage. She was very clear on phone that she wanted him to keep calling her - but she ended up getting mad at him on the call because he said he wasn't going to. Confronted her again that night and she admitted it all. Said they were friends that went a step too far. Said they actually discussed how this was not going to go anywhere since they are both married. She wasn't real apologetic and said she really hadn't done much wrong. I told her she could have no contact with him and she agreed although she said she would still like to be friends with him. I told her she can't. the whole thing only lasted about 10 days. I feel pretty confident that it was very short and not physical - I am basing this on what I heard on the phone. I feel lucky that it was so short. I have never been suspicious like that before and I think it was a gift. However, it's still devastating.

As a result of this, I now realize that I have not met her needs for a very long time - probably 15 years. She doesn't blame me for what happened, but I understand to a certain extent. We were already in counseling, but I think this jolted me into a realization that I wasn't having before. and I am working to change that.

I am terrified that she still wants a relationship with him or is still having one. She will still see him at church - not talk to him, but see him. We don't really want to leave church.

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Should I tell his wife? Should we leave our church? Any other ideas or thoughts?

Thanks.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

Your situation sounds very promising. It looks like you have headed off this affair. Now get busy reading all about the emotional needs, and see if you can start meeting some of your wife's.

You can also spend 15 hours a week doing fun things together. That may help your marriage, and is recommended here.

I think I would tell the OM's wife, and refer her here. It sounds like her marriage may need a little work too. He did stop contact with your wife, so I give him points there, but telling a married woman that he loved her is crossing a boundary.