My husband and I have been hapily married for almost 4 years now and we have two beautiful kids. My husband works 12 hours for 3 days and 6 hours on one of the days. Me, I go to school twice a day for a total of 8 hours and when I get home, I put my kids to bed and do my homeworks.

Whenever it is my husband's day-off, all he wants to do is relax in the form of sitting infront of the computer all day and play his computer games. If I ask him to watch the kids for a bit because I need to go to the bathroom, he'll watch them for just that time and I resume to watching the kids after that. And If I do have to go to my doctors appointment, I would have to ask him to watch the kids but end up taking one of them because he can't deal with both.

I dont want to complain or say anything to him about how I get so tired on the days I am not in school because he does work 40 hours a week and he does need rest but I think I need some too. I just feel like he doesn't really understand how tired I get after doing chores and watching the kids and do my homework. And If I feel like I did a good job doing all the chores, I'd probably reward myself with going to the store and buy food, healthy that is. But it seems like its always expected that the mother is most of the time the one that deals with the kids, and it gets tiring if you dont get any help from your spouse. My husband does watch the kids while Im at school but will turn them over to the grandparents and I dont want his parents thinking that Im always asking them to watch the kids or something even though it was my husband who turned the kids over to them. I actually want my husband to watch the kids for a whole day and realize what I go through every, single day.

Do you guys have any suggestion on how I should approach my husband about this? I dont want to sound like Im complaining but I just want to let him know that I do get tired too. I would appreciate all suggestions.

Welcome to MarriageBuilders...your other thread got great answers, but I didn't see anyone pointing you to the great resources at your disposal here, beyond the forum.

Read Harley's Lovebank, Lovebusters, Emotional Needs and especially his rules and policies for a good marriage.

One of them is Policy of Joint Agreement, and that should inspire you with your current issue. I suggest the Lovebank because you need to monitor your own and ask your H about his. The Lovebusters? I could be way off base, but you seem confused as to what is one and what isn't...

"I dont want to complain or say anything"

Like maybe complaining or saying anything that can be taken as a complaint? Seeming unappreciative? By know what is an LB and what isn't, you might give yourself permission to be more expressive of your thoughts and feelings, like your H asked you to be. That might be a big emotional need that you're afraid of filling.

You're right about how most perceive being mothers...it is a dangerous role when taken too far and you don't want to get there unaware. It is great that you're considering it now instead of building resentments. I'm so glad you're here.

LA

no offense but your H sounds a little lazy. A 40 hour work week is nothing these days, as a construction estimator and supervisor I work up to 90 hours a week in our peak season. As far as the video games I enjoy them to, to the tune of about 1-2 hours a week. Starting a family is a commitment and it sound like it is one he has not yet made, do you all spend time together as a family? Do you both make time to spend together without your kids? It sounds like your H is making large LB withdrawels and probably doesn't even realize it. People tend to become to comfortable in relationships and forget to meet their spouses needs. You should definately go over the EN questionairre and make sure he realizes he is neglecting your needs for domestic support, conversation and the others. Be sure to give him an opportunity to express his needs, which should not include playing video games by himself for extended periods of time. You may consider the video games a form of recreational companionship though, and try to find a time to enjoy them together, I'm sure he could appreciate that.

Your husband knows how hard it is--that is why he is dumping them on his parents.

I suspect your children are young if they need to be watched while you go to the bathroom. (I remember those years--uggh!!)

It will probably get better as they get older. I take it you are a SAHM?

Make sure you thank your husband each and everytime he takes the kids and compliment him for how he does it. The more you do this the more he will participate. You should also be thanking him for working to provide for you and the kids. Compliment him on how well he manages it all -- job, fatherhood and being a great husband.

Get him involved by asking his advice or help with a specific child-care problems or issue. Then compliment him on his solutions and ideas. This will also get him more involved.

Present an idea to your husband that you find a 'loving father' desireable and 'sexy' in a man. Tell him how 'turned-on' you got by watching him with the baby. Reinforce this everyday. There is real powerful magic here. And don't be shy about using sexual favors.

If your husband likes computer games, get some for the kids and ask him to show them how to use them. Many children these days learn to read from computer software a year or two before they start school.