It's been a few months since I've been back to MB, but up until just a week ago things were going okay. My STBXW wanted me to get with her attorney 2 weeks ago so I met with them. We had mediation back in Dec 05 but had some unfinished business pending the bankruptcy. Now that the B is over we had to balance out the assets. Well, cutting to the chase, some of the questions her attorney was shooting at me gave me an uneasy feeling about the parenting time that we had long ago agreed upon. After the meeting I asked her if she was going to try to get full "custody" (as if I should have been naive enough to expected anything other than the truth) she said "no". I made an appointment to see the attorney that I consulted with back in October. He couldn't see me until this past Monday. I was making arrangements to retain him. On Tuesday I got mail with a letter saying that she retained a "licensed mental health professional to determine permanent allocation of parenting responsibility/parenting time".

Now here's the kicker. My WW, myself, and my children will be interviewed by the LMHP to make a recommendation to the court. I'm still in the process of getting the retainer money together for my attorney.

I've been going at this D with the expectation that we would be able to settle things as much as we could without getting the court involved. BIG mistake. Now, I know that this could back-fire in her face but it really upsets me that she thinks she can take away the kids when we agreed on a 50/50 wrt the kids. The whole time she's been lavishing the kids with gifts, showing up to my home unexpectedly to see the kids (even the kid's daycare) on "my days" with the kids, and taking them places. I know that she doesn't have the money to fund all of this stuff because overdraft notices from her bank have been coming to my house because she hasn't taken the time to change her address (over the last 3 months). The kids are naturally going to gravitate to the parent where life is good and I'm going to look like the bad guy. I have always provided clean clothes, proper nourishment, and lots of love.

Sadly, I feel she is using the kids as pawns in this D. My WW was the one who initiated the D. She has made many bad choices (PA, EA's, $, etc.) during our M. I don't want to be just the baby-sitter when she has to travel for work, or want to go out and party. I want, and deserve, to continue to have a positive and stable influence in their lives, not just when it is convienent for her.

Sharky,
Me, BS 39
Her, WW 32
DD-8, DD-5, DS-2

Sharky,

Don't get discouraged. When your interviewed, don't talk badly about your ex-wife. Though she will probably bad mouth you. It only makes YOU look bad.

They want to know who the more stable parent is, not the one who treats everyday as if they are in Disneyland.

They may ask questions like, who are childrens friends, what are their favorite things, who is their teacher, what is their favorite subject in school, what do they like, dislike
and so-forth. They may even ask things about medical history and doctors, and who takes them more often to their appointments and so-forth. (this is to find out parental involvement in the childs life).

And so you know, kids don't always gravitate to the 'disneyland' type parent, my ex-h did many of the things your discribing your stxw doing, and my kids still didn't want to live with him. Sure they like going occassionally, but kids prefer stability.

Thanks for the encouraging words. I have to keep reminding myself to check the harsh feelings at the door. I know I can do it for the kids sake. I don't even want to have 100% parenting time, just what was agreed upon to share 50/50. I don't think that it would be emotionally healthy to take on the role as a single parent while trying to go through the stages of the loss (of the M) and trying to get on with my life, etc. I only want what is fair. We both love the kids. I don't like the fact that she has selected the evaluator. I don't like the fact that her attorney is giving her advice based on the fact that I do not currently have legal counsel. I can't wait to get my attorney involved. Hopefully he can help me stop this crazy death spiral that I currently call my life.

Sharky