Thanks Survivor,
I am very disapoited in some of the replys I see here coming from people for whom I've had nothing but the utmost respect for here.
Sigh......
Jerry

Don't spend any money! Dr. Harley is on radio every day and nobody's calling! It's rather weird. I've heard him 2 days in a row and during the 3 hour programa he gets maybe 3 or 4 calls and most are from people he is treating or already knows.

They have a toll free number too. Or you can send jharley@marriagebuilders.com an email and she'll read it on the show.

Jerry:

With all due respect to you, your WW, Willard and Steve Harley, whomever......I don't give a flying F*** what any of them says when it comes to MY MORALITY....and what I KNOW IS RIGHT. I don't need to pay one cent for anyone to validate to me what is right and what is moral. Why do you keep thinking that you need to do this, to show us... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Are you even reading the responses here? Noone is talking about revenge, so please...give it a rest....I am asking you now personally...IF YOUR WW cheats again...and you find out, would you feel the moral obligation to tell her OM's wife, so that she can protect herself and make her OWN decisions....OR, would you "let it go" if your WW goes NC and goes back into recovery with you.

Answer that question....a Yes or No would suffice.

LM

What the *** are you talkng about?

Jerry, I agree...

And then to argue with a bunch of hypothetical crapola...What if this or that...

I just answered the blasted question. I don't want to argue about it all day.

Geesh...

Well Duh, he's talking about you Mel, I'm never held with the utmost respect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LemonMan, ***********! I need a puff BADLY!! Beam me up, Scottie! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the total and absolutely uncalled for disrepect to a man whose been maaried for 36 years. I guess you all are so much wiser than I.
I'm outa this debate. Lem is right. "some people just don't get it".
All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry, why don't you help us "get it" and explain WHAT you are talking about?

Jerry,
You're right...I feel they are being disrespectful also. Now even more so, since they can't get an argument ??? Crack Pipe? Immature.

Good Luck to You. 36 years....ya musta done somethin right!

Surviver, no one wants to "argue" with you, I asked that you defend your opinion using reason and logic. That is not an "argument." The problem is that your position is indefensible and when challenged you couldn't defend it. You can't be expected to be taken seriously if you won't even defend it.

kyellow4
On the other hand, you're completely wrong,
I've always held you on the utmost respect for your posts.
Guess it's not reciprocal, but that's OK,
All blessings,
Jerry

OK, folks.......there is no reason that this should not be a thread that we all can learn from. Jerry, you are taking things far personally than is intended and I almost have to sonder if you are reading a different thread and responding in this one.

This is a controversial topic and I understand that opinions will differ, but picking up your ball and going home is not the way to grow and learn.

There was some chap here who recently suggested on a thread here that I was the reason for his marriage recovery struggles, because my opinions were hurting him and his struggles to plan A his active WW ..ofcourse no reason to mention the fact that his previous 10,000 D-Days with his wife may be slightly more his problem that any of what I may say...I could have taken that personally but decided to let that go...no reason to take my ball home because of that. Heck, I am usually the one people hate here and send emails to likening me and my views to supporting the "devil".....if only I had such power (rolling eyes).

So, before you leave, maybe you can help me explain what it is that has you so upset and ready to go home. I don't understand....help a brother out.

Lem

I said I don't need to defend my OPINION, yet you persist. That feels like arguing to me.



The problem with that is, it's rude.



No, I chose not to defend it. Yet, you persist.



I wasn't expecting anything. I only gave my opinion.
See, you don't get it. You're the only one who wants me to defend anything. I don't want to discuss it with you. Get it?

Well, I am afraid I DO get it. Opinions that are asserted without reason or logic can be dismissed without reason. Just because you assert something doesn't mean it is true or legitimate, especially if you can't even support your assertion.

Just saying "that is my opinion" is meaningless and in no way supports your assertion. There is nothing RUDE about asking you to defend your assertion. You should welcome the opportunity if you really stand behind your position. But I suspect that is the crux of the problem.

Surviver:

I get ya....you don't have to defend anything to me....the very fact that you don't want to discuss it further is answer enough for me...Speaks volumes actually.

I "get it". Carry on.

LM

I agree Jerry decisions MAY do harm and he is free to choose not to tell. He made a mistake when he was in the BS fog. I understand, I made mistakes too. He should have disclosed back then and exposing now MAY come back to instill consequences on Jerry and his family. IMO, those consequences now would be the result of poor choices by both his FWW and HIM (by not telling back then).

However, utilizing the "Exception Theory" to say the exposure would do "NOTHING BUT HARM" as an absolute is a mistake. Maybe the XW will find herself unhappy in her new marriage and/or regretfull for not having giving XH just one more chance. Maybe she'll endeavor to get in contact with him (or him her) and he uses his apparent betrayer charm and manipulation techniques he's honed over the years to convince her he is a "changed man" and she was always "the one" for him. Without your exposure XW may more easily believe that XWH is repentful, contrite and honest again. Your exposure, today may knock some sense into her and it may be what God intended. Further, if you exposed to her in a letter and expressed your fears and apprehensions she MAY respect your wishes and keep her mouth shut and Thank You for giving her this much needed information. Lot of maybe's I know, but more likely than her running around town telling your kids and carrying-on about her Xhusband of 2 years and a ONS maybe 3 years ago.

Just examples, I'd likely not tell in Jerry's current position as well, but I would acknowledge not telling 2 years ago as a mistake (which I have not read thoroughly enough herein to see if Jerry admitted).

Why not use your struggle, Jerry, to prompt others to consider doing the right thing up front? You obviously appear conflicted about the issue personally.

No Worries,

Mr. Wondering

of course I would.
I would not stop short of Dr H suggestion. I would mortgage my house to take out a bilboard exposing her,'
But refer back ti my originall post, my sitch was different than what Dr. H's position was. IT WOULD SERVE NO PURPOSE!!!!!
I'm felling slightly attacked here.
Where am I going wrong|????
All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry:

That is the problem with forums, there are alot of misinterpretations that can happen. Happens to me and because of me often.

If you review this thread, I don't think you will see even one person who strongly challenged that you should be exposing now (2 years after the fact)....I think many people understand your situation is an exception and that exposure now would NOT be what is meant in granting "rights" to the other Betrayed Spouse. However, on second thought, White Daisy and Mr W did also bring up some very vaild points why even now, 2 years later, there could be a case made for giving the other betrayed spouse in the equation the truth. I am not saying that is what I would do, but there can be a case made for it.

My whole thread was Not centered around cases like yours....so I am still a little perplexed why you are feeling attacked or are feeling hurt by discussions of this. There is obviously some nerve that was touched off by this.

LM