Ok, I've read enough to know that my situation is not unusual. I thought it was. Husband and I have been together for 8 years (married 5). Never any hint of a problem. We were that couple that everyone envied - we had joy, passion, friendship, love, respect. We spent much more than the 15 hours a week together. He has no children, I have 2 sons still at home. He took to being their father like you wouldn't believe. I cannot have any more children and this was discussed at length before we married, no, even at the start of the relationship. He stated he never wanted any. At the end of August, I knew something had been bothering him for the past week or so. he confessed that he had been thinking about wanting a child. I was a little taken aback, but then, I said we did have options - adoption, surrogacy - but he said that he wanted it the "natural way". It didn't make sense so I asked him if there was someone else. He said no ad I believed him because I thought it was impossible. Over the next couple of months he pulled away from me and the boys. He agreed to counseling and we started to uncover some deep hurts he had related to his father and stepfather, but then it got too painful ad he wanted to stop. On Dec. 28, 2005, he admitted to an affair with a girl at work - she is also married and has 4 kids. Apparently, it started almost as soon as she was hired (late June) and he "couldn't help himself". He moved out, now has his own apartment, and is planning on moving in with her once she leaves her husband. They are having unprotected sex and hoping she will get pregnant, although I don't think that this was ever really about a child.
Of course, I blew up and screamed and begged and pleaded. Last week he came over for dinner because I told him I wanted to know the truth - no more lies between us. I listened and made no judgements. He apoplogized and took responsibility. I did tell him how hurt and betrayed I felt and that I thought that we could save our marriage. He says he still loves me, but he loves her too and wants to be with her. He did have a hard time leaving. I have not called him. He e-mailed me last night and said that he "finds it uncomfortable to talk about our present situation" and is always "afraid of what direction the conversation will take". He said that I am on his mind a lot. So, is it time for Plan A? How do I know when to go to Plan B? I am having a hard time with the "stick" of Plan A. Both of our families know ( his mother says that this is the same exact behavior as his father and stepfather, but totally uncharacteristic for him), but he has kept it secret at work (he is her supervisor). Any and all advise would be appreciated. He has had no contact with te boys other than sending a birthday card to the youngest one.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You might want to post on the general questions II board as there is more traffic there.

I think you need to stay in Plan A, and expose them at work, and to the other woman's husband. That will help end the affair.

I would do it as soon as possible, or there may be another child.

Thanks for the reply. Just exposed to WH's boss over weekend. He knew he had moved out but had no clue as to A.

WH called me at work last night to ofer ride home due to snowstorm and another ride back to work the next night. I accepted. Did real well with Paln A. WH reached over and took my hand on way home and then invited me to a competition he is in on Mar. 4 when he picked me up that night. I'm afraid that when and if he talks to his boss, it will ruin the progress made - but I know I had to do it. Thanks for the support.