Im looking of any information on what it means to be a good wife/husband. We realize 20 years into our marriage that we really dont know what it means to be a good wife or a good husband.

I think that there are plenty of books, and websites on this, but let me offer a few suggestions:

Give yourself to your spouse. Be devoted. Be the best friend to your spouse. Do good things for your spouse even if they do not realize it that you are doing it for them (a silly example: change the oil in your wife's car without telling her even if she has no clue that it needs to be changed and even if she'll never find out that you've changed it).

I am no where near twenty years of marriage but have my personal view on what a good husband and wife are. In my opinion a good husband and wife are ones who fulfill each others emotional needs. If you feel truly happy being with your spouse and he/she feels the same your on the right track. now ensure there are no forms of abuse involved and I 'd say you have it. We are all unique so a well defined set of guidelines would seem almost impossible, beyond the above, I feel it is up to every couple to define for themselve what they want out of marriage beyond the EN. If you are happy with your spouse and marriage, and hold no regrets I would say you are there. I think alot of people get caught up in the super intense romances portrayed in movies and telivision and wlak away feeling they aren't being fulfilled simply because they have been offered a glimpse of fantasy showing far more than we can ever hope to achieve in a relationship.